What I Meant To Say Was…

There are some wildly stupid things being said on the Sonoran Conservative blog, operated by Marvin J. Rodriguez of Peoria, AZ, owner of MJROD Business Consulting Services.

Most of these wildly stupid things are contained in unsolicited emails that I have been sending to him. But let’s look past that for now.

Let’s set the record straight — for once.

In the past, I have attempted to get justice from several people for publishing false and defamatory information about me. But instead of justice, I have instead gotten pointage, laughery and mockification as my reward.

In 2014, I filed suit against WJJ Hoge III and several others in the US District Court for the District of Maryland. My ashtray soulmate and my phantom neurologist convinced me this was a stupid idea, and that if I was going to blame John Hoge for EXACERBATING MUH FAKINSONS!!!! then I was also going to have to take some responsibility for my own actions as well.

The day after filing, I filed a motion to dismiss the suit. Because reasons that I have conveniently forgot.

In Feb. 2015, I filed suit against WJJ Hoge III and Eric Johnson in the US District Court for the District of Maryland. That case was dismissed for lack of personal jurisdiction. Because I’m an idiot, which I have conveniently forgot every morning since on the arduous journey between my rented bed and my rented toilet.

I filed suit in the US District Court for the District of Maryland against Patrick Grady (Paul Krendler – you keep telling yourself that, Bill!) and several others. The case was dismissed WITH PREJUDICE – that’s kind of important! – on my request in August 2015 when I decided to move from Maryland to Wisconsin after my wife Gail died in June 2015, and a retired lawyer from Alaska challenged my absolute bullshit filled application for in forma pauperis status, seeking sanctions. But never mind that.

I filed suit against Eric Johnson and Sarah Palmer along with a bunch of other folks that I voluntarily dismissed because reasons (I’m an idiot & an abject failure) that I again conveniently forgot in the US District Court for the District of Eastern Wisconsin. That case was dismissed for lack of personal jurisdiction in July 2016 after Ay-Ay-Ron Walker, The Worst Lawyer In The World, kicked my ass six ways to Sunday with both hands tied behind his back.

I filed suit against Patrick Grady and Sarah Palmer in the US District Court for the District of Northern Illinois. That case was dismissed at my request in Sept. 2016 after the court-assigned attorney who was forced to represent me decided it was too much of a small-potatoes case to bother with, and that he would rather tell the judge what an absolutely unwinnable turd my case was than face ethics charges and possible disbarment. I knew that I couldn’t travel back and forth from Milwaukee to Chicago to represent myself as a pauper, so I just quit again. The more I quit, the easier it gets.

A year ago, I filed suit against Grady, Johnson and others in the US District Court for the District of South Carolina. That case was dismissed for lack of personal jurisdiction, even though the judge in Wisconsin told me explicitly that I have to go to the defendants’ state to sue them. I thought I could sneak past a bumpkin of a federal judge in South Cakalacky until a gentleman country lawyer turned out to be just another Lickspittle and gave me another legal-beagle ass-whuppin. And he did it FOR FREE!

So, that’s six federal lawsuits… three that had no chance of winning that were dismissed at my request, three others that had no chance of winning that were dismissed for lack of personal jurisdiction.

In February 2015, I tried suing Hoge in Howard County Circuit Court. That case was dismissed for improper venue as I lived in Howard County, MD, and Hoge lived in Carroll County because I am not only too stupid to understand jurisdiction, but also venue, and the value of giving up and paying a professional to do what I can’t do…or to advise me that my case (it’s really just the same case over and over, only the defendants and jurisdictions change) is a permanent loser.

Those are the only cases I have filed (unless I’m missing something that is not on the PACER or Maryland Judiciary website). Seven lawsuits, ALL LOSERS, four dismissed for jurisdictional issues, three dismissed at my request.

ON THE OTHER HAND…

Hoge brought nearly 400 criminal charges against me for violating his bogus peace order. (The snowflake was horrified by my using an “@” in front of his name on Twitter.) Of all those cases, all were dismissed except one, which went to trial and I was found not guilty, even though I tried to plead guilty but mentally ill or something like that.

Hoge filed a copyright infringement suit against me in 2014. I filed a counter suit, several pertinent details of which I have conveniently forgot because they show me to be of FAR less than standard intelligence for my alleged species. Hoge asked for $640,000. He got nothing as the case was dismissed in arbitration. My countersuit against Paul Krendler and Howard Earl was also dismissed WITH PREJUDICE but let’s just forget about that fact which reminds people what an abject failure I am, deal? Deal. Okay. Be well.

Hoge sued me last year. The judge ruled against him. Hoge went sniveling to the judge asking him to reconsider. The judge booted him out of the courtroom.

(Funny how the stalker trolls never mention the number of times Hoggy tried exacting a lawfare pound of flesh as a result of several vexatious lawsuits that I filed only to be sent away a LOSER by the oh-so-wonderful judicial apparatus in Maryland.)

SO WHAT HAVE I LEARNED FROM THIS EXPERIENCE?

First, that Krendler has an extensive archive from which to chronicle my many failures. I suppose just having one blog and not deleting all my shit every three to six weeks might be a decent plan.

Second The biggest obstacle that I have encountered to overcome is jurisdiction. If I am ever going to sue anyone for spreading the false (and ridiculous) charge that I am faking having Parkinson’s disease, I have to do so in the defendant’s home court. Or, I will have to do so in a Federal Court where one of the defendants lives in that jurisdiction. Arizona or Illinois, for instance. As an alternative, a lawsuit in Federal Court would need to be filed in a district with jurisdiction over the issue, assuming (BOY, I WONDER IF HE UNDERSTANDS JUST HOW MUCH TERRITORY THIS WORD REALLY COVERS. I BET HE DOESN’T. – PK) that the defendants’ actions somehow affected someone other than myself in that jurisdiction. Such as sending false information to a radio station owner in Iowa causing that radio station to withdraw a job offer. If that rhetorical diarrhea and acrobatic conclusion-jumping doesn’t make it obvious that now I have found the loophole that will allow me to skirt the law and file in a jurisdiction of my convenience, I don’t know what will!

WHATEVER WILL I DO?

FAIL AGAIN, OF COURSE.

Oh, look! Here are some pictures of me in the hospital being prepped for the final phase of my neck removal procedure. faking Parkinson’s disease.

And here’s an x-ray of someone who apparently swallowed a video game controller!

I was the last man standing after this bar fight – I was hiding in the ladies’s room.

Here’s someone playing drums on a cadaver skull.

TALK ABOUT YOUR DEDICATION TO A BIT??? If Marvin J. Rodriguez of Peoria, AZ, owner of MJROD Business Consulting Services, Inc., is correct, that would mean I had to fool a carload of neurologists (but it was a small car), a neurosurgeon, a neuropsychiatrist, the Office of Personnel Management and the Social Security Administration. Did I mention that I have a VERY LONG HISTORY of lying like a motherfucker?

See the probes in my head there? Those are the final stimulator leads. Mmm…they kinda look like drumsticks. No, not chicken legs, the real kind. Could be those old-style TV rabbit ears that people used to use before cable TV. Great recycling! Before those were implanted, the surgeon inserted [CTRL-V]“listening probes” that pick up the sounds of neurons firing. That’s how they know where to insert the final probes, by zeroing in on the two subthalamic nuclei in the brain where the movement neurons are misfiring.[/CTRL-V] DAMN, the hours of patient practicing, forcing those neurons to MISFIRE just so FOUR YEARS LATER I could convince the government to give me a disability retirement so I could trim my take-home pay by almost 2/3 instead of jumping through the government to fire my ass and reduce it by 100% just because I was too lazy to be bothered to go to work every day.

THERE’S THE LOGIC anyone who cares to insist that I am faking this will have to stand by. I worked (trolled) like a BEAST to condition my brain (find a government research study) to learn how to misfire ON DEMAND, so I could (randomly be selected in a double blind selection process to) undergo this dangerous surgery just so that four years after the fact I could (conceive a scam to avoid being fired, and instead merely) cut my salary from a GS-13 rate to a disability retirement rate of approximately 1/3 of what I had been receiving. That’s some REAL HARD WORK for someone who just wants to nurse at the government teat, wouldn’t you say?

I suppose that all depends on what the reasonable alternative is…

I don’t know whose x-ray I’m overlaying on my head, but based on the dentistry, I’m pretty sure he’s British. And an ape.

Don’t forget – there’s no such thing as a “minor” surgery, so ALWAYS REMEMBER TO TAKE A SELFIE IF YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET YOUR NECK REMOVED!

If only I could be sure who the patient under the plastic in this obvious stock photo is…

But if the Stalker Trolls have confidence that I can’t prove I actually have been living with Parkinson’s since 2000, and they think they can prove their stupid, juvenile, mostly (but not all) anonymous allegations?

Neck removal through the top of the head…COMPLETE SUCCESS!

Mayhaps we’ll see you in court?

Oh, here’s hoping!

 

 

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He’s Just Full of…Well, Let’s Call It “Hope and Change”

Another brilliant, steaming hot take from DUMBFUCK BILL SCHMALFELDT:

Every time we think Bill Schmalfeldt can’t get any more stupid, he proves us wrong.

But can we think he’s a bigger DUMBFUCK today than he was yesterday?

YES, WE CAN! ¡SI, SE PUEDE!

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Daddy Hoge Wants Me To Ask…

What is your mailing address, DUMBFUCK?

In order to be certain that what he has to say reaches its intended destination without any ability to claim that it was unintentionally or intentionally “lost” in cyberspace or meatspace, he would prefer to communicate with you via Certified Mail, Restricted Delivery, Return Receipt Requested only.

To avoid confusion.

Be a man and answer me directly.

Where can Your Daddy Hoge find you?

Quit sucking your thumb, be a man and answer me directly.

And before you deflect, and ask me what MY address is, just keep in mind that I am merely a neutral go-between in this little conflict…an interested observer, shall we say?

And besides, you seem to believe with all your heart that you already know my address. Actions speak louder than words, so step right up and prove it, O Talker of Big Game From Under The Porch.

Stop idly fondling your empty nutsack, be a man and answer me directly.

I’ll even give you a DOOM CLOCK like you gave Sonoran Conservative. Since we all know already that you’re a racist, sexist, bigoted, anti-Semitic, terrorist-sympathizing, hateful, lying weeping pussy faker, I’ll give you until Close of Business YESTERDAY to prove otherwise.

Oops.

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Yeah, About That…

A WEEK?

A whole week?

You’re losing touch, DUMBFUCK. It used to be “By 5:00 PM tomorrow, or I’ll take everything I have to the Jasperville Weekly Coupon Clipper & Bird Cage Liner and ruin your life!”

Sometimes you couldn’t even wait that long.

Now you’re waiting a week?

You must have an extra special “Okay, MJ, just one more week, and this time I really mean it!” announcement planned for when he ignores you again.

That should be FUN.

Free lesson for the day, out of the goodness of my heart:

There are many ways that you could end all the perceived butthurt that you feel is constantly flowing your way.

You could have gone off and silently run your stupid little Internet radio station (did I tell you I have a radio station, too? It’s called iTunes with Headphones, and it is #1 in its target demographic!), but you didn’t. You left yourself in the public eye, inviting fresh ridicule and parody every day.

You are to blame for all your suffering. I know you don’t believe that, but you can’t point at the people you have repeatedly sued and tell them “you are to blame for what happens next, not me” and not expect me to throw that shit right back into your yard three-fold (your rules, not mine…and STILL KICKING YOUR ASS).

I digress.

As I said, there are many ways to end  the butthurt.

In my opinion, the best one for you is…

It’s short, fat and slow, just like you. And sometimes, it does a job, too.

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