DUMBFUCKS Can’t Metaphor

…nor can they remember what they wrote two hours ago, even when it’s staring them in their fat, ignorant, racist faces:

“QB drops back to the 30 AND HURLS THE BALL.

Sounds like a forward pass to me, you fucking moron.

“A defensive lineman bats the ball IN THE AIR.

Still doesn’t sound like a fumble, you ignorant pigfucker.

Because that’s not what you said, you revisionist racist pinhead.

Oh, and if you really want to talk about where the metaphor falls apart, it’s right here:

I think you have a couple numbers flipped around. That Hail Mary you think you threw? If it provided you any benefit at all, it brought you within 58 with 2 seconds to play, not the other way around.

You are an ignorant, pigfucking racist pinhead moron, and you obviously have no idea how thoroughly you have fucked yourself in Maryland.  I’d love to educate you, but simian scholarship just doesn’t fit the business model around here.


Metaphorical DUMBFUCK Is Literally a DUMBFUCK


That’s an incomplete forward pass, you fucking moron.  Hoge still has the ball, even in Pretendyland.


Eleven Examples

Since the beginning of 2017, Bill Preston-Schmalfeldt, poor, poor, pitiful put-upon Porkinson’s patient who only wants to be left alone in peace, has published EIGHT stories in as many months about a reporter he commenced harassing some five years ago. The following links are broken:

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/02/16/lee-stranahan-from-porn-to-press-corps/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/02/27/meet-lee-stranahan-the-worlds-best-journalist/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/03/25/documentary-where-in-the-world-is-lee-stranahan/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/04/05/stranahan-the-traitor-joins-russian-propaganda-machine/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/04/06/exclusive-stranahans-farewell-gift-from-breitbart-poison/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/04/08/stranahan-lends-a-hand-to-help-pal-steve-bannon/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/06/01/lee-stranahan-wants-your-money-to-shoot-a-film/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/06/15/newsweek-reporter-misleads-readers-about-lee-stranahan/

Poor, poor, pitiful put-upon prevaricating Porkinson’s pants-pisser Bill Preston-Schmalfeldt has also published the following stories since the beginning of 2017 about an attorney in good standing within his legal community and before the bar who wants nothing to do with the stupid, lying motherfucker currently serving as Editor-at-Large and Chief Dimwit in Command of Breitbart Unmasked.  The following links are also broken:

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/05/09/hoge-files-yet-another-contempt-complaint-written-by-aaron-walker/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/06/11/islamophobe-lawmaker-adopts-aaron-walker-tactic/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/07/06/is-aaron-walker-the-worst-lawyer-in-america/

How can this lying, shit-sniffing, turdrolling valor stealing DUMBFUCK make it more obvious that he only wants not to be bothered and picked on by people who respect the people he wants to be left alone to bother and pick on?

People, I’m serious as a large hematoma sustained in a massive vertical aerial impact passing from mattress to armchair (that’s “a bruise from falling out of bed like a klutzy DUMBFUCK,” for those of you who speak normal English) here!

It’s obvious to anyone with three working brain cells what ALWAYS precedes a brief period of peace and quiet for the DUMBFUCK.  (HINT – It’s not a LOLSUIT!) Why isn’t he smart enough to figure it out, other than the notion that he’s almost certainly two or more brain cells short of the minimum requirement?


“No One Is Really Anonymous On the Internet”

There are two kinds of people on the internet:

People who use their real names, and the 7+ BILLION people that demented cyberstalker, adjudicated cyberharasser, probable child pornographer and lying motherfucker Bill Schmalfeldt can’t dox.


Here’s What I Wonder…

I wonder how long it takes for that new contributor at Cabin Boy Unread (what’s his name again? PUBIS VERMINOUS or something? There sure is something familiar about his writing style)…

I wonder how long it takes PUBIS VERMINOUS’s tits to stop jiggling when he lies down, because I’ll bet a tall stack of cash it’s been 30 years or more since he last broke into a run, even while racing to the toilet.


A Simple Diagnostic Test

If you want to determine whether or not an internet bully has Fakinson’s disease, just do this:

Approach quietly from behind and speak softly into his ear, “Hey tough guy, you wanna step outside and settle this like men?”

If he bursts into tears and wets his pants, or if he bursts into tears and sprints in the opposite direction, or if he bursts into tears and hides behind a woman, or if he bursts into tears and begs for the support of in-laws who never liked him anyway, or if he bursts into tears and files a lawsuit, he’s got Fakinson’s disease.



Let’s Fisk Again, Like We Did Last Summer

STUPID Lying Motherfucker Bill Schmalfeldt left a comment at the Artisan Craft Blog yesterday which is deserving of some special attention…

You obviously do not have a copy of the first e-mail I sent to Ms. Hinckley. I, however, do.

Hey, what a coincidence! So do I! Although the copy I was provided had the images redacted, because most people (present company excluded) had more respect for your wife’s dignity than you did.

The one where I wrote, “As your husband was one of the people suggesting my wife’s death was a scam I was trying to pull on people, I feel you deserve to see this picture. If it gets published anywhere, I will know who did it as it hasn’t been published anywhere else.” A normal person would read that as an instruction to NOT publish the picture. But look at who spread the picture around…

No, a normal person would read that as the weak roar of a toothless lion who already knows that once he presses the SEND button, that picture is gonna get published, and that lion is not interested in PREVENTING its publication but is in fact ACTIVELY FACILITATING IT. And in telegraphing that he knows there is absolutely nothing he can do to stop it, and nothing he can do to anyone (like me) who chooses to publish it.

Oh, wait… the COPS sent it to Grady!
No, it was the authorities in Carroll County! THOSE bastards sent the photo to Grady.

Wrong and wrong.  No one sent it to Grady.

Someone sent it to me. The email said Mort in Maryland. I think that name might have been fake.

Grady was the first one to publish it.

Wrong again.

Now, because karma, Grady no longer has a wife.

Oh, please…please expand on the unique knowledge that you have of Grady’s divorce, all while trying to explain how HE’S STALKING YOU, YOU STUPID LYING MOTHERFUCKER.

The only difference? Mine did not choose to leave me.

Janina and Janice would like a word.

Shame on you all.

Your game, your rules.  You first.



Bill Schmalfeldt, Lying STUPID Motherfucker

You will never get ANYONE under oath, idiot.



Shut the fuck up and make me a goddamn sandwich, yeasty twat balloon animal.


Bill Schmalfeldt, Lying Motherfucker

No, that’s not even close to what @wjjhoge said.

He said – and I am quoting directly here – “One obvious possibility is that the Cabin Boy™ published it himself. I’m unaware of any evidence that would prove he did; but it’s still possible.”

Not even close to saying the lying motherfucker Bill Schmalfeldt published the picture himself.

Lying motherfucker, thy name is Bill Schmalfeldt.

Stick THAT in your goddamn folder, you lying motherfucker.