You Should Worry About Real World Concerns

Instead of Pretendyland bullshit like this:

You should make sure your fiancée is inflated to the recommended air pressure.


Bring Your Best


Who dat?

Really, Tom?

Taking cues from an idiot like Bill Schmalfeldt?

Gosh, I hope Liz Callaway doesn’t find out about this, or the DUMBFUCK might have to “resign without giving two weeks notice” (ITKWIMAITYD) from his fourth job in a row that he actually managed to reach the first day of, unlike North Dakota, Denison and Wisconsin.

And you think I ought to be concerned?

Good luck.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

I only have one question about this:

Is that your “no, I’m never going to actually marry her nor get her teeth fixed” fiancée’s big sister’s porch, you lazy, goldbricking, valor-stealing, freeloading motherfucker?

Or nah?


Womp, Womp

Being wrong this often really should be punishable by law, or if not, it should be extraordinarily painful.


The Internet Is Forever, DUMBFUCK! (Part 14,628)

This post from February 27 is no longer present on Bill Schmalfeldt’s Facebook timeline:

He “resigned from New Media Broadcasters effective immediately” to resume treatment for MUH PARKY’S.

Except this post is gone!


And now he’s about to start another new radio job! And no mention of how those Parkinson’s treatments are coming along. Strangely enough, he has mentioned that he’s smoking cigars (a big no-no for Parky sufferers if I recall him saying, and TRUST ME I DO) on at least a semi-regular basis.

Like he doesn’t even have it at all.

Or perhaps more like he only has it when he needs a convenient excuse to explain away his failures.

In any case, BIll Schmalfeldt is a liar. A really terrible liar. His only actual discernible talent appears to be the ability to find and parasitically attach himself to people stupid enough to believe his lies and feed him for short periods of time.

We are going to try three betting pools for this next round.

  1. When will Bill Schmalfeldt be fired this time?
  2. What off-season rental will he and the balloon animal move into this time (this will be very difficult as Spring Break season is upon us and the prices will soon jump far beyond their ability to pay)?
  3. What will be his excuse for immediately quitting his next job right after they tell him to get the fuck out?

Sheets are in the break room, prices as always are $5 per entry, and I have a ton of change if you need to break a twenty. Good Luck!


Oh, Don’t Spare the Hypocrisy, DUMBFUCK!

This is less offensive than most of the crap you sent out in your bygone heyday. Just because you’re trying and failing to rehabilitate your “sterling character” with the godless communists doesn’t make your long and illustrious history any less true.

You had your chance to be left alone, shitbag, and you couldn’t see what was in front of you. Now you’re stuck in a hell of your own making.

Enjoy it.