MUH RIGHTS!!! AS AN INTERLLIGENCE-DERFICIENT MUHRCAN!

I am too stupid to think for a very long time. But I will exercise muh rights to avoid thinking and for the LULZ of other Muhrcans.

The Muhrcans with Intellectual Disabilities Act of 2017 makes one thing clear. Stupid people are stupid, and stupidity is an excuse and in fact a reason to violate published court rules as well as explicit court orders from a judge. One might think government entities must provide special accommodations for people with disabilities, but this is not even a little bit accurate. Government entities must provide reasonable (not SPECIAL) accommodations, so that actual disabled persons (not fear pee soaked Fakinson’s cowards) can PARTICIPATE in life rather than hide in the closet of the Myrtle Beach Roach Motel.

And the government tried that.  They let me attend hearings via Skype after I lied and told them I was unable to drive (except from Wisconsin to Chicago and back, and from Wisconsin to Iowa, and multiple round trips from Iowa to South Carolina (about 2000 miles of painful, EXHAUSTING DEBILITATING, EXACERBATING HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS OF SITTING ON MY LARDY BEETUSBUTT IN A RENTED CAR on America’s crumbling infrastructure). But I violated their stupid rules and recorded the proceedings as they came out of my computer.  You couldn’t even hear any voices but mine on the video I posted to YouTube unless you turn up the volume.

WJJ Hoge III chooses to deny my rights under the ADA by pointing out that I have violated the court rules, and it seems as if he might have the assistance of a Carroll County, MD, Circuit Court Judge in doing so. The judge ordered me to appear and show cause why I should not be held in contempt.

What does that mean? I’m glad you asked.

It means that the judge has found that there is cause to find me, an interlexulluy dersabled Muhrcan, in contempt of court. And I must be given a chance to show that I have not violated rules nor an order of the court.  Because I have allegedly (HA!) violated the rules WHILE USING SKYPE, the judge seems to think it might not be a grand idea to give me the opportunity to do it again. What an idiotic jackass that judge is.

In his feckless lawsuit against your host, Brett and Tetyana Kimberlin and several others – a suit which has been allowed at every juncture to move ever forward to a scheduled trial date in August- Hoge has chosen to create law where none exists point out how I violated the court’s rules. The judge in the case allows him to do so without sanction, because that is within the rules. For instance, on June 28 I am called to appear in person, 450 miles from here, to answer a ridiculous contempt of court charge for a crime that does not exist violation of the black-letter court rules and procedures. I no longer drive, because it’s not convenient for me to continue to drive, or else I would be expected to drive all the way to Maryland to get smacked in the mouth by a judge.

I’m gonna fight, by running and hiding to an abandoned bar where I can be the last man standing after a bar fight where I am the only participant.

A 14-hour bus or train ride would be incredibly painful, much more painful than the multiple16+ hour road trips I made in my own car from Iowa to South Carolina and back when I was able to drive two short months ago. As much as Hoge and his followers like to pretend, I actually do have and can PROVE I suffer from Parkinson’s disease, when it’s convenient to do so. Furthermore, THERE IS NOTHING IN MARYLAND LAW OR THE MARYLAND RULES STATING THAT A PERSON PROVIDING TESTIMONY OVER SKYPE OR THE TELEPHONE CANNOT RECORD HIS OR HER OWN TESTIMONY…unless you count rule 16-208, which I don’t because I am an interlectilly derpsmacked Muhrcan and I can’t even find that rule in the copy of the rules that the judge told me to get and figger out.

I am charged with recording my own face and voice (and by COMPLETE COINCIDENCE all the other voices in the room, but it’s ALL THEIR FAULT for talking loud enough to hear me) using an iPhone that should have been turned off for everyone but me, it says so right there in the rules. Hoge is calling it “wiretapping.” And the judge is playing right along because that dimwit doesn’t know the rules.

On June 9, I filed a motion asking the stupid goddam judge to either cancel the hearing or, in the alternative, drop the requirement that I appear in person to perform for Hoge’s dog and pony show so that I can secretly record it again, which has nothing to do with why there’s a show cause hearing in the first place.

SHUT UP, MOTHER!

AND YOU TOO, GAIL!

WHY WON’T YOU PEOPLE STAY DEAD!!

That hearing is June 28, day after tomorrow. As of this evening, the judge has not responded one way or another to the motion. He has to respond before the hearing, it’s in the Pretendyland ACME Rules of Civil Procedure, which is the only set of rules an INTERSECTIONALLY DISTENDED MUHRCAN like me is required to use – they’re not written anywhere, but I have them memorized.  If he has not responded by COB tomorrow, I will be expected to appear at 8:45 am in Westminster, Maryland.

To be forced to do so is a clear violation of my rights under Title II of the Americans with Intellectual Disabilities Act.

The AIDA provides remedies in Federal Court for idiotic Americans who can’t understand the law and really should have HIRED A FUCKING LAWYER and tried to SETTLE before it was too late. Which it definitely is now.

If the judge continues to ignore my motion, I will avail myself of my uncivil rights as an uninteresting asexually fear-piss-abled American.

I will resist this usurpation of my rights from my ADA compliant jail cell.

I’ll tell you one thing though…ain’t gonna be no hunger strike!

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Uh…NOPE

Nobody is laughing at a disabled person.

We’re laughing at YOU.

Here’s Sonoran Conservative, specifically – laughing at YOU.

UPDATE – MOAR POINTAGE from MOAR-GANNA!

EVEN MOAR UPDATE – the mockification continues (SWIDT, Fifi?) at the Artisan Craft Blog.

When the rest of my Team Free Speech pals get around to joining in the pointage, laughery and mockification, I will link them too!

You see, appearing remotely via Skype is not a right. It is a privilege.

It is a privilege which you saw fit to abuse. Now that privilege has been withdrawn from you.

Too bad, so sad. Boo hoo hoo.

Now, you have been ordered to appear in person in a Maryland court to show cause why you should not be held in contempt for your abuse of the privilege of appearing via Skype and your alleged violation of court rules prohibiting the use of electronic devices in court and the recording of court proceedings.

Now you want to bitch about your rights “as a disabled person?”

Here’s what you want to do.

  • Make a reservation at an ADA compliant hotel near the ADA compliant courthouse in Carroll County, Maryland
  • Pack an ADA compliant suitcase (be sure to include an ADA compliant toothbrush);
  • Call an ADA compliant taxi (perhaps an ADA compliant forklift and an ADA compliant flatbed truck would be better)
  • Have the ADA compliant mode of transport take you to the ADA compliant train station
  • Buy a ticket for an ADA compliant train
  • Get on the ADA compliant train
  • Get off the ADA compliant train at the ADA compliant train station in Baltimore
  • Call another ADA compliant taxi
  • Have this ADA compliant taxi take you to the ADA compliant hotel in Carroll County
  • Sleep off the arduous effects of your ADA compliant journey
  • Call yet another ADA compliant conveyance to haul your greasy-moobed sack of flapping beetusflesh from the ADA compliant hotel to the ADA compliant courthouse in Carroll County
  • Don’t forget that toothbrush. And your checkbook
  • Make your way to the ADA compliant courtroom where your show cause hearing is scheduled in the ADA compliant courthouse
  • Make sure you leave your electronic devices in the ADA compliant hotel room
  • If you do bring a phone, make sure you POWER THAT MOTHERFUCKER DOWN before entering the ADA compliant courtroom where you have been ordered to appear
  • Make your best case that you are a simple unfrozen disabled caveman pro se, and all these court rules and procedures THAT YOU WERE TOLD TO FOLLOW are strange and confusing
  • Enjoy your ADA compliant holding cell.

You DUMBFUCK.

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MAJOR NEWS!

 

  1. Usually doesn’t arrive via U.S. Mail to the Roach Motel of the intrepid sooper journimalist;
  2. Doesn’t merit a tease unless it’s real (unless you’re an intrepid sooper journimalist or Rachel Maddow);
  3. Prolly means the replacement inflataskank was ordered 3-6 business days ago;
  4. Could be a typo, and he got Depends IN the mail.

 

There must be other options that the Horde can think of…

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Speaking of Stupid People…

Even stupid people know that LYING LARDASS DUMBFUCKS who lie about having Parkinson’s disease also lie about doing physical therapy with no shirts on so their fat tits can flap in the breeze, nor do they hold up in the middle of an exercise to take a fucking mirror selfie to post on Twitter.

Having seen and done actual physical therapy, I can tell you that PT hurts like a motherfucker, and there ain’t no time for taking pictures.

Goddamn, wouldn’t you think a guy who lies as often as Bill Schmalfeldt does would eventually improve at it?

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Ah, Memories!

Is it too much to hope that this time the chair stabbed him in the kidney?
Who can forget those heady days of yesteryear when DUMBFUCK was so deep in the clutches of the progressive neurological disorder Fakinson’s disease that he couldn’t raise his arms above shoulder height?

Why, now he looks to be in PRIME BAR FIGHTING FORM!

He may have upgraded from SUPER-MORBIDLY OBESE to just MORBIDLY OBESE (something that was never important enough to do for his SOULMATE, but let’s not mention that little detail), but not so much that a fatal myocardial infarction isn’t still a strong possibility.

So keep thinking happy thoughts!

#FNPR – Fat, Nasty, Poop Roller?

UPDATE:

Nice try moving the goalpost, GREASEPAD VON JELLYDONUT. But I didn’t say “arms above your head.”

Neither did you, faking fuck.

But in the meantime…

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!

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Why Can’t Bill Schmalfeldt Be So Lucky?

Politically Connected NY Dem Given Six-Figure Job She’s Too Fat to Perform

  • Shows up for interview with oxygen tank in tow;
  • Rejected by city’s Judicial Review Committee, gets hired anyway;
  • Was unable to climb up three steps to the bench, even with a special railing;
  • Suffered diarrhea IN THE COURTROOM;
  • Craps her chair, orders a new one;

Tailor made, I’m tellin’ ya!

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Little Birdies Are Singing

…and they tell me that all the states mentioned in this tweet –

– actually tuned in to the live podcast, but were forced to drop out after being overwhelmed by the tsunami of broadcasting wizardry.

I myself will check the tape-delay, post-edit mastery later.

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Can’t Wait, DUMBFUCK!

Just…can’t…wait…to see a guy who can’t do basic math try to handle himself in court.

Any court. Maryland, South Carolina, makes no nevermind to me.

MOAR POPCOARN!!

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