I swear under penalty of perjury that Hoge never mailed and I never received the Requests for Admissions that I wrote about receiving when I picked up my final paycheck on April 1 from the part-time radio gig that I was SO FUCKING FIRED from that I blocked out from memory the fact that I ever had the job at all.

And oh, by the way, that April 1 blog post that proves I just committed perjury is actually my response to the Request for Admissions that I just swore under penalty of perjury that Hoge never mailed and I never received.

I am so goddamned happy right now I could piss grape soda.


How Screwed Is Bill Schmaleldt?


I could explain why, and in which specific case, but that would involve a lot of pathetic begging in Myrtle Beach, and probably some unpleasantness involving Carolina Reapers, so it’s prolly not gonna happen.

Best not to think about it. Just stretch those LULZ muscles and be prepared for the Feldtdowns.

And for those of you who may not already know – all is proceeding as a great many people have foreseen.



Would That It Were So Simple As DUMBFUCK Himself Is

The point is not that DUMBFUCK should not NEED further amended complaints (though he surely will wish he had them, possibly as soon as thirty minutes from now).

The point is that now that DUMBFUCK has used his First Amended Complaint, and in so doing FAILED to amend anything of substance in a way that benefits him, he will be heavily challenged to GET further amended complaints, because he is a brain-damaged idiot suffering from Parkinson’s disease.


The Things You Learn By Paying Attention

Bill Schmaleldt, sooperleegulljeenyus, has filed 8 LOLSUITS in the last three years.

Seven were filed or counterfiled in federal court. The other was dismissed F from a state court because Bill Schmalfeldt does not understand the rules, and by “does not understand the rules” I mean “is a drooling idiot.”

Of the seven filed in federal court, 3 times he filed an amended complaint, and one suit has an amended complaint pending, according to the DUMBFUCK himself.

Of the three cases where an amended complaint was NOT filed, obviously those cases were dismissed due either to the fatal errors that were left uncorrected or at the request of the plaintiff through his welfare attorney.

The three cases where DUMBFUCK’S amended complaints solved every problem…were wildly successful, if by wildly successful I actually mean dismissed by the most basic of motions to dismiss.

At least one of those cases (as far as the general public knows) was dismissed based on a motion to dismiss filed by the Worst Attorney in the World, whom DUMBFUCK is too great a coward to name as a defendant in LOLSUIT VIII – The Fat and the Furryious.

Another of those three suits was dismissed WITH PREJUDICE by the plaintiff himself, and oh, how the fear pee flowed that day, and when DUMBFUCK fled Maryland.

The last of the three LOLSUITS that DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt amended to solve all the fatal flaws was dismissed for no discernible reason. Thank God for that, too, because if there is one thing that our Ballonpricker has shown the world over three years of futility, it’s that he LEARNS FROM THE FEW MISTAKES HE HAS EVER MADE.

Grady, Hoge, Johnson and Palmer are obviously doomed. They should lawyer up and get their check-writing hands warmed up.

THIS TIME…he’s solved it all. For sure.



Someone is upset that there’s no thread here to talk about LOLSUIT VIII – The Fat & the Furryious.

So if anyone feels like saying something that would fit more comfortably within my very liberal commenting policy than in the more decorous environment provided at Hogewash!, have at it.

UPDATE: And here, 

We see the monkey and mophead DAAAAAAAAAANCE for me!