15 thoughts on “I Think We’re Done Here”

    1. It kind of appears that Ol' Potato Head Schmalfeldt is sinking quietly back into the mire from which he sprang. I'll miss the laughs, but not his deplorable behavior.

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  1. Does that mean 'Mission Accomplished" in that you've driven Bill Schmalfeldt off the internet? One of your original demands as I recall...

    What are you going to do with the monkeys? Do they still dance? Can I have them? Do I need a background check? References?

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        1. Perhaps I could offer you POWER.

          I have email from a Nigerian prince I could forward you. Surely he knows lots of important people, and you could... Leverage that to your personal advantage.

          Want the contact? Give up the monkeys.

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        2. Hi Paul-

          I've been cool and very openly forthcoming in my desire to take your monkeys. Only the ones who dance, though- You keep the rest. And don't even think about substitutions! All monkeys will be checked against retina scans. I know who's who.

          You. You have been uncommunicative.

          I am not amused.

          I've offered money, firearms and access to one or more (the prince has a entire FAMILY! dammit, I shouldn't have to point simple shit out) powerful political celebrities who would enable you to POSSIBLY leverage yourself out of your currently miserable plebeian existence not to mention your trailer down by the river. Upgrade, dude. Hello? Anybody home? McFly?

          You have have 2.4 hours to respond to me publicly on this blog. No later than 2AM Eastern. You will document steps and timeline to hand over the monkeys or else. I'm not messing around. At minimum, discovery is going to be a bitch. Cross me and you'll lose not only the monkeys but also your house, your wife, your job and the houses/wives/jobs of anybody and everybody you know. Don't spread pain, Paul. I know exactly what my next steps are and, by God, don't think I won't execute those steps. And, yes, you better damned believe there's going to be a non-disclosure agreement at the end of all this.

          You'll be hearing from me tomorrow. Regardless. I've filed more than... Ummm... Well. If this doesn't work out I'll just go on with my life and live out the rest of my teens pursuing my one true love: AOC. She be smokin' and her demonstrated intelligence informs me that all I need to do is get in front of her so she can recognize the genius that I am.

          All the best to you and yours. Say hello to Janet Yellen, Dean Baquet and HilDar for me while you're swanning around your Georgetown book club tomorrow (yeah, right- I know good and damned well it's a cocktail party!).

          w

          ps- Don't try me, Bro. I'm serious.

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        3. Sigh. I'm going to be tied up over the next several days. So. I'm holding off serving you with a full-blown lawsuit FOR NOW. But here's just a little taste of what you're in for:

          Mr. w brings this complaint to recover damages inflicted by Defendant Paul Krendler for engaging in tortious conduct, including but not limited to (1) animal imprisonment, (2) false light invasion of privacy, (3) midnight light invasion of privacy, (4) twilight light invasion of privacy, (4) abuse of process with a blender, (5) malicious prosecution; well, not yet but I know Krendlers’ thinking about it, (6) obstruction of justice, (7) justifying obstruction, (8) unlawful interference with business relationships; I’m offering the monkeys a bonafide contractural relationship (no mention of movie rights), (9) conspiracy with Hillary Clinton to obstruct Mr. w, (10) intentional infliction of emotional distress, and (9) mopery with intent to be stupid by turning down Mr. w’s proposed deal(s).

          Sir, I hope you realize that I value our past relationships enough that I'm affording you this heads up.

          Now go and do the right thing. Do it for the children. Do it for the monkeys. Do it for your wallet, your reputation and the last dozen or so oil wells you're holding.

          Respectfully,

          w

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        4. Al right, all right! Take the damn monkeys!

          Stick with oranges and green vegetables for the most part. Bananas make them gassy and disagreeable.

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