Congratulations Are in Order

The course of true love runs about as straight as the teeth of an inflatable gamer for some people. For others with purer hearts and better prospects, the outlook is much more positive.  I suppose that explains how Patrick Grady, the White Whale to Bill Schmalfeldt’s Captain Ahab, somehow made it back to the altar before he did.

I was there, one of few close friends among many family members at an intimate outdoor ceremony. In gorgeous sunshine and a high, cooling breeze, I had the pleasure of seeing my good friend tie the knot once more. The bride was lovely, and to call her an upgrade to the previous model would be, well…true. 

Of certain details, I have been sworn to secrecy, but I can share that one member of the celebration told me he looks and acts happier than they can ever remember seeing him. I cannot disagree. 

I struggle to understand how Lady Dye Job puts up with someone as unmotivated as DUMBFUCK, who refuses to get off his unwashed crap-chute and drag himself down to the courthouse and make an honest woman of her. Of course, it’s quite possible that between gaming and #resisting, it’s she who can’t be bothered – but I think the former case is much more likely.

Could be he’s promised to set a date as soon as he gets and holds a job for six months…if that’s the case it will never happen, but at least he’ll have his principles instead of a wife.

My friend is happy. I’m happy for my friend. Bill Schmalfeldt can go fuck himself, and as long as he stays on the internet, I’ll be there to point, laugh and mock.

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

10 thoughts on “Congratulations Are in Order”

  1. I notice that Inflate-A-Boy has had this in xir twitter profile for a few years now. Somehow the 'details' never appear. Queer innit?

    Reno of the Turks
    @turkresisting
    Life Partner to the Liberal Grouch, details on the upcoming nuptials to come.

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  2. I'm confused. So, Bill is Paul (per Dumbfuck's own claims). But Paul is Patrick. Logically (and with that word, I lost Dumbfuck, sorry!), that means Bill IS Patrick. Meaning Bill did get married, ok it's clear now! I wish I knew earlier so I could buy the happy couple an extra bike pump and patch kit for the honeymoon.

    But seriously, congrats to Patrick and Dumbfuck can go eat a bag of dicks.

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  3. So someone I never met is happy, and another person I've never met is still a bitter old man.

    Not a bad start to a Thursday.

    Best wishes to all non-TK.

    Like(3)Dislike(0)
  4. Congratulations to Patrick and his new bride! May they have many happy and prosperous years!

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    1. As far as the couple in South Carolina, how long does the charade go on? When are promises fulfilled? Then again.. does anyone really care?

      Like(1)Dislike(0)
  5. Congrats to Patrick and his bride.

    Spend a week in the hospital and all sorts of good and bad happens in the real world.

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