ACME Law, Back in Business!

“sufficient cause…”

Commissioner: Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?

Dr. Ford: I need to report an attempted sexual assault.

Commissioner: I see. Are you all right? Do you need medical attention? would you like to sit down?

Dr. Ford: No, thank you, I’m fine. It’s not really recent.

Commissioner: All right.  When did this occur?

Dr. Ford: Thirty-six years ago.

Commissioner: Thirty-six hours seems recent enough to me, ma’am. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to see a doctor?

Dr. Ford: No, I don’t think you heard me. It was thirty-six YEARS ago. It happened in 1982.

Commissioner: Did you say “Nineteen eighty-two?”

Dr. Ford: Yes.

Commissioner: And the date?

Dr. Ford: I don’t really remember. It was the spring.

Commissioner (writing): Spring…1982. And where did the alleged crime take place?

Dr. Ford: At a party.

Commissioner: Uh-huh. A party. Where did this “party” take place?

Dr. Ford: I don’t really remember. It was near the country club.

Commissioner: Can you be a little more specific, ma’am? There are only eighteen country clubs in Montgomery County today. God knows how many there were in 1982.

Dr. Ford: Uhhh…

Commissioner: Who was the perpetrator?

Dr. Ford: Brett Kavanaugh. The Supreme Court nominee.

Commissioner: Right. Is that spelled with a ‘C’ or a ‘K?’

Dr. Ford: A ‘B.’ B-R-E-T-T.

Commissioner: I know someone else with that name. How sure are you it was him.

Dr. Ford: One hundred percent.

Commissioner: And who else was there?

Dr. Ford: Who else was where?

Commissioner: At the party where you were assaulted?

Dr. Ford: Oh, right! I don’t remember.

Commissioner: Of course. But you remember this Brett Kavanaugh.

Dr. Ford: Oh, yes. It was awful.

Commissioner: The assault?

Dr. Ford: No, the beer! It wasn’t even cold. How gauche!

Commissioner: How old were you when this took place?

Dr. Ford: Fifteen.

Commissioner: Fifteen!  Wait, fifteen years old…nineteen eighty-two…no, no, he would have been in prison…

Dr. Ford: What?

Commissioner: Never mind. How many people were there?

Dr. Ford: Where?

Commissioner: At the party. The one with warm beer and fifteen year olds?

Dr. Ford: Gee, you make all seem so…tawdry.

Commissioner: Oh, dear, what was I thinking? Sorry about that. You were saying?

Dr. Ford: I’m getting death threats, you know. People send me pictures of corpses having sex with horses. Isn’t that what they say, “horses for corpses?”

Commissioner: Do you know anyone named Bill?

 

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

7 thoughts on “ACME Law, Back in Business!”

  1. You neeed to write a book. I bet it would sell well in the Kindle store, my guess it would sell more copies in a week than a certain so call author with at last court close to thirty books has sold in his life time.

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  2. There is a post up at Hogewash with a link to the Baltimore Sun where it's explained why she can't bring charges. Of course a real journalist, or someone without shit for brains, would have researched a bit before opening their fat stupid gob and making a fool of themselves yet again.

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    1. Why would he start now? He's gotten so far doing it his way. He's got a big market that listens to him. Five states!!

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