The Little Birdies, They Sing to Me

Actually, this time it was a local private investigator named Cliff Swallow that someone hired after a private crowdfunding effort (thanks to all who chipped in!).

The Tramway Inn at 13139 Central Ave. SE is a two star gem, and a luxurious upgrade for DUMBFUCK and Inflataskank.

No pesky relatives around to try to stop the gaslighting of the All New & Improved Captive Nurse 2.0, you see.

Plus, there is plenty of good light for monkeyfucking the keyboard to produce LOLSUIT IX – JURISDICTION IS FOR SUCKS.

And the business center only charges 20¢ per page to print.

Woo hoo!


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

33 thoughts on “The Little Birdies, They Sing to Me”

  1. He should have to provide copies of all the peace orders in effect against him to the Front Desk when he checks in, so the place can check their guest list to make sure they aren't putting him near anyone who has one in place (or near any children, for that matter).

  2. So value place already evicted him? Bahahahaha

    To be fair, google rates them 2.5 stars lol.

  3. "Bill Schmalfeldt

    HERE HE COMES TO SAVE THE DAY!!! Have you heard ‘Mighty Mouth Trump’ by Bill Schmalfeldt on #SoundCloud? #np "

    And President Trump HAS stopped a crime in progress, Fatfuck.

    "Media Mocks Trump For Saying He'd Rush Unarmed to Stop Armed Assault; But They Forget That Time He Did Intervene Unarmed to Stop an Armed Assault"

    He didn't have to LIE about feats of daring doo and heroics on the beaches of Lebanon like you did, racist turd.

    Go fuck yourself with a claymore mine, jackwagon.

    1. William, please stop trying the inject yourself into political conversations. You look like a retard, even more so than when your fake Parkinson's acts up.

  4. Vimeo Video - "Deranged Cyberstalker On Periscope"
    Note, there were some issues downloading the original from Periscope and converting to a mp4 format. Hopefully, to fix at a later date. Regardless of the diaparity between auido and video, the ball is never in DumbFuck's court.

  5. GREEN SCREEN WITH WHITE WRITING: ‘This movie has not yet been rated by MPAA, BLM, NLRB, NPR or CPUSA.’


    LONG SHOT: Greyhound bus rolling down the interstate. Texas sun high in the sky. Lens flare. A vulture circles above.

    CLOSEUP INSIDE THE BUS: Old Dude with white hair, wearing a stupid porkpie hat, smiles down at The Girl, “Almost there, darling.”

    REAL RADIO ANNOUNCER VOICE: “Coming, THIS SPRING, the story of two crazy kids on the run in Trumps Amurrica.”

    TRUCKSTOP DINER: “You want fries with that?” The Girl looks up and responds, “Oh hell yeah and can we get a box to go? Extra gravy, right?”

    REAL RADIO ANNOUNCER VOICE: “Trapped in a country 40% conservative. 40% unable to understand history. 20% just don’t care. A world they couldn’t understand. Two grifting seniors running from the forces of enlightenment. And court subpoenas.”

    IN A DINGY MOTEL ROOM: “This is a NEW START for us, Dianne. A new beginning. Here out West. Where men are men; until you get to California. And the Lickspittles can’t find us. That I can tell you. Cubscouts? Oh hell yeah! They got those too out here.”

    REAL RADIO ANNOUNCER VOICE: “Starring, Michael Moore as Bill Schmalfeldt. Roseanne Barr as Dianne Preston Kelly (no ‘Schmalfeldt’ on the end of that; this is a good news/bad news kinda’ thing).

    George Clooney is John Hoge. Michelle Pfeiffer is The Dread Pirate Zombie. Darth Vader is lorddewclaw. Antonio Banderas is the Sonoran Conservative. Al Pacino is Paul Krendler. Special guest star: Peter Dinklage as Brett Kimberlin.

    IN A DINGY MOTEL ROOM: Tight shot of feverish typing on a keyboard. Camera pans slowly left to a bottle of JWR on the bedside table; plastic cup less than a third full. Copy of ‘Parkinsons for Dummies’ clearly visible. Edge of the book shows multiple edges of stickie notes and paper clips embedded in the pages. Dark music. And then- Then… There’s a knock on the door. “Albequerque Sherrifs department. Open up. We have a subpoena!”

    REAL RADIO ANNOUNCER VOICE: “How does it end?”

    FADE TO BLACK: Daniel Craig’s voice, “Not well.”

    BLACK SCREEN WITH WHITE WRITING: ‘Nobody Is This Stupid’ and below that, ‘Coming Spring 2018’


      Bravo, my friend...

  6. @bill365radio has the blue screen of death.

    Sorry, that page doesn’t exist!

    You can search Twitter using the search box below or return to the homepage.

  7. If anything, he is completely predictable.

    And even funnier, he always accuses others of being cowards when they are being served and don't accept the summons right away. So why is he hiding if he's done nothing wrong? I thought he could beat Hoge and anyone else? Isn't he the last one standing in any fight?

    Could it be that he is, once again, adding to the REAMS of evidence that he is a pathological liar?

  8. So Sir FatFuck is hiding out in New Mexico, probably because he was finding that Texans didn't take kindly to his sort.

    I suggest he go sight seeing in the desert at noon or maybe so secluded canyon that are prone to flash flood.

    Just think of the meal he would provide to the coyotes and buzzards.

      1. Coyotes, Yes, they are a nuisance to ranchers.

        Buzzards, maybe not so much, but they are as ugly as Sir FatFuck, so they need to be eliminated also.

        1. So Roy, what explains this deviation from the Schmalfeldt family tree? Inbreeding among a branch perhaps? Did a particular family perhaps ingest paint chips?

        2. Something dark, dank, and unholy happened in that family and all of them (except, perhaps, Joe) were horrid, evil, nasty and mean.

          I have clues and guesses, based on what the old aunties used to whisper about, but it’s all supposition, as that generation was tight lipped, and they’re all dead, now.

        3. I doubt that Dad’s big new janitorial career explosion was the primary motivation for leaving hometown Clinton.

          Usually it’s the GIRL who leaves town when the unexpected pregnancy happens...


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