Shorter Bill Schmalfeldt

“I just want to be left alone to live my life with my former fiancé (it’s just ‘inflat-a-sweetie’ now) now that we’ve gotten rid of that hideous show cat I had to pretend to like, and forget that these people ever drew breath. And I’m going to hound them every day until they do.”

Sorry, DUMBFUCK. It doesn’t work that way. You’ll have to win a lawsuit before anyone leaves you alone.

Even taking the Cure isn’t enough anymore.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

12 thoughts on “Shorter Bill Schmalfeldt”

  1. Started that up, and the dog came up out of his chair and let me know using unmistakable terms to Shut that shit off!

  2. Billy's Boss sez: How come you're late today, Schmalfeldt?

    Billy sez: The dog got sick and I had to clean it up.

    Billy's Boss sez: That's no way to refer to Ms. Kelley.

  3. So lemme get this straight- And... DumbF5ck, this is addressed to you so please advise.

    I contact you and say, "My name is Joe Doe located at 123 Main Street, San Diego. Bill, provide me your address per your terms." And THEN, you VERIFY that indeed Joe Doe lives at said address. So we're all good, right?

    We're good, right? Quid pro quo. You have my address and you'll give me yours. Hell, I'll even talk to you on the phone so you can verify my particulars.

    And what will you get out of that? You have my name and address. Note that your original requirement did NOT ask me to give up my Lickspittle contact info as inscribed on my very own secret decoder ring. As far as you know I'm just a lurker who's never written anything on any of the sites you hawk.

    OTOH, I COULD be Krendler. But I'm not. Kyle is Krendler. Or Dewclaw. Or gb420- I forget. Every time all of us get together there's so much revelry, and usually a couple of drinks too, that I forget. Good fellows all, though, and that I can tell you. All the women I've met at our gatherings are splendid folks also. Dude, you totally missed out by not attending Kimberfest '16. I love this community.

    My point IS that you've missed whatever goal you're pursuing. Actually, I know what you're trying to do but I've thought it through better than you did. A recurring theme with respect to everybody you've crossed, right? Too bad so sad. If I were you I'd be embarrassed. Thank Jayzus' I'm not you. I mean that respectfully. If you want to modify your proposition please do so, on your twitter feed via video or writing, NLT 1700 Zulu on 15 February 2018. See how specific I was? You do the math.

    Cue the music.

  4. Desperate doxer is desperate.

    Like En Vogue said back in the day, "no you never gonna get it"

  5. Just wondering -- would a "shorter Bill Schmalfeldt" also be a rounder Bill Schmalfeldt? Maybe he could roll to get around rather than walking?

    1. That would make the valor stealing Parkinson's faking shitbag more efficient which in turn would risk his grifted benefits.

      Never gonna happen.


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