The News Is No-Show

Contrary to previous reports, TMZNN has learned that defendant William Schmalfeldt has not appeared in Westminster for his scheduled appearance before Judge Hecker.

The prior reporting was only vetted by the layers of editing and fact-checking available to the most credible of mainstream media organizations, CNN, and we feel the fault lies there.  We apologize for the error.

Remember, if any of you dipshits really want to go to court with Bill Schmalfeldt, BRING IT. Because any time he’s been in a bar fight, he’s generally the guy standing (out in the parking lot smoking cigarettes behind a truck, waiting for it to be over like the sand-filled pussy he is). He can’t do it physically anymore, but old habits die hard, especially for cowards.

UPDATE: how’s the view from up there on the cross, DUMBFUCK? 

(safe link)


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

26 thoughts on “The News Is No-Show”

  1. I heard that his pedo master and nintotchka showed.

    So much for my triple no show square, but MAN is that bus going to hit Mr. Fakinsons hard as the pedo throws him under it with no opportunity to defend himself.

    Could TMZNN clarify if the sand filled pussy even went to .Maryland?

  2. Why the fuck would he be a no show? It is only a law suit, not like a criminal trial which might end in JAIL time. If he is a no-show and defaults his Federal law is DOA by Friday.

  3. After nearly two years of harassing motions and attempts to get a Carroll County, Maryland, Judge to see what’s actually motivating Hoge’s actions, the TRIAL OF THE CENTURY (in WJJ Hoge III’s mind) begins today. Of course, victory is assured as far as Hoge and his readers are concerned, and given the way this Judge has ruled in the past I can understand his reason for hubris.

    I, of course, am not there. My co-defendant, Brett Kimberlin, will attempt to read this statement of mine into the record. I doubt the judge will allow it. But here it is, for posterity.


    With all due respect, this defendant will depart from the traditional third-person writing scheme for this testimony, but will instead address this Court directly and personally. I thank my friend and co-defendant Brett Kimberlin for at least attempting to enter this into the record, and in the event that he is prevented from reading this in Court, I ask leave that this statement be entered into the official record in this case. A copy is hereby provided to the Court and to the Plaintiff.

    Put on your shields and go to billy unread.

    1. OMG did be really do that? The epitome of sand filled PUSSY! Everyone knows the real reason he isn't showing up. Its because he isn't enough of a man to step up and face the consequences of his actions.

      No surprise he rationalised/spun it to suit his narrative.

      PLEASE cut and paste it here. I never visit a fakinson website even with shields on maximum.

      1. Safe link

        1. I love how he conveniently leaves out that even though he could Skype before he broke the rules which is why he can't now.

          I also love how he point out his FAKinsons is a progressive disorder but fails to point out how he went from a wheelchair to a near recovery in a "progressive" disease.

          What a scumbag.

      2. I wonder how a DUMBFUCK proposes to sit upright for multiple days in the Florence courtroom.

        Meh, nevermind. I suspect that his now-confirmed Maryland default will sink Lulzsuit VIII. Nor do I think that Oliver Wendell Jones will be able to file an ADA suit in South Carolina for personal jurisdiction reasons, so if the Diminished Capacity Kid wants his "justice", he'll have to .... travel back and forth to Maryland.

        And to top it all off, a bench warrant has almost certainly already been issued.

        Good times. Good times.

  4. "Hoge doesn’t want me to participate. He knows what will happen if I did. He would be made a fool of, once again."

    HA HA HA HA HA ow ow ow! Damn those lol muscles!

    He stands revealed as the stupid coward we knew him to be. He took the one slim chance he had of winning and threw it away. What an impotent jackass.

  5. I don't think Renfield Bill understands the concept of "Contempt of Court". Although, he accomplishes it very well.

  6. SO Bill travels all that way, but doesn't show?

    Looks like his "excellent friend" had a meeting with him and "instructed" him not to show.

    "Bill, I need you to stay here so I can throw you under the bus."


    1. If he did travel to MD and didn't show, and IF pedokeeter told.him not to show, then put me down for a bench warrant with a possible address in MD where he is coupled with kimberlin making no effort to warn him cops are on the way.

    2. FWIW, a more careful examination of this screed shows evidence the pedo master wrote it for him

        1. Lol!!!

          The tl;Dr version. - Mr. Fakinsons and his pedo master project in slightly different ways (though both make IMAX jealous)

  7. Now that Sandy Pussy McFakinsons is being tried in absentia, I will be accepting bets on the following until midnight EST:

    What will surprise Mr. Fakinsons the most:

    A) he is being tried in absentia,
    B) he is found guilty despite his mewling pussy plea
    C) he finds out he is not as judgement proof as he thinks
    D) his "most excellent friend" threw him under the bus.

  8. Wow. So. Much. Wrong.
    If a person with Parkinson's (or anybody for that matter) shows up in a nice comfy padded wheelchair, will the court force that person to get out of their wheelchair to sit on "...hard, wooden benches..."? Asking for a friend.

    Wish I coulda been there but I had to have my hand on Earth's tiller, preventing us from spinning into the sun. Looking forward to the summaries.

  9. Shut your cock holster, Shakes. You don't get to comment on a case you were too much a pussy to defend.

    Even SnaggleWhore Dianne Preston is wise to your pussified ways.


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