Ten

A pedestrian Bill Schmalfeldt is walking nutshuffling past an insane asylum a tall fence, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside voices on the other side screaming at the top of their lungs, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen Nine! Nine! Nine!”

Intrigued, the pedestrian Schmalfeldt peeks through a gap in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye Sheriff’s Deputy hands him a restraining order.

He screams in pain rage, and the inmates Lickspittles all start gleefully shouting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen Ten! Ten! Ten!”

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

21 thoughts on “Ten”

  1. Do you mean to tell me that the "I'm just like a lawyer and it's a well-established fact that lawyers are drunken lunatics" defense didn't work?

    Huh.

    There must have been goo-goo eyes involved. Obviously, Oliver Wendell Jones should appeal. Who cares what Judge Hecker thinks, anyway?

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    1. Dang it. Now how are we going be able to read this massive epic Feltdown. Ive been stretching all week for these Lulz

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      1. Wait for it. It'll be worth it, I promise.

        The Cabin Boy may still be on the bus. Then he's got some quality binge drinking to do.

        He'll almost certainly resume being an exhibitionist mess, screaming about perjury, goo-goo eyes and the dire consequences to come no later than tonight's TKPOTD.

        It's the impulse control, you see. He can't help himself.

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      2. C'mon, William Schmalfeld-Preston!!! You can't let this stand!!! Think about your reputation!!! You simply MUST set the record straight, so that the Internet will know what a hero you are!!!

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  2. The Blob told us for years that everybody lied on their RO applications AND if it just showed up in court nobody would get an RO against it because it would EXPOSE the lies. And yet, when it showed up BILL SCHMALFELDT ADMITTED AS TRUE EVERYTHING ALLEGED BY SARAH.

    IOW, I'm not a harasser, I just harass her.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  3. I must give credit where credit is due. This time Diseased Willy showed up to fight.

    Of course he lost. And his claim in his current Law Lsuit that he is not a cyber stalker must now leap the hurdle of yet another restraining order. But he can tell his inamorata (if one exists outside his imagination) that he did not run away and would have won if only the judge had not had a Lesbian crush on the plaintiff.

    Although it would have been wimpy beyond belief, maybe he should have just gone with his second thought and defaulted. Less humiliating, and less bleeding from the wallet.

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    1. Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of Bill Schmalfeldt

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  4. For years Stolen Valor Schmalfeldt has boasted of his "Superman"-like skills and prowess. Rom singlehandedly storming the beaches in Beirut to mopping up bar floors with his challengers, Bill has boasted to one and all that he is the baddest ass on the planet.

    Instead of Superman, as Billy would desire, I believe we should crown him as:

    "SUPERFLUOUS-MAN"

    following his court appearance yesterday.

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  5. What cracks me up is Hooooooge! got himself a lawyer. He can do that, ya know. He didn't need to do that to weather another failed LOLsuite. He could have just hunkered down until the suit self-destructed. I can only wonder what he is planning. And there is that Latin phrase he keeps saying.

    The suspense is killing me. I hope it lasts.

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    1. It is difficult to predict.

      Diseased Willy is facing legal disaster in Maryland, having managed with ineffably smug stupidity to get an order effectively denying him the privilege of presenting any evidence and to be looking at a finding of contempt of court because he provided indubitable evidence of his previously denied capacity to show up in court and, however ineptly, represent himself. He tried to show off by going to North Carolina to outdo a "dim girl," who took no time at all in inflicting her third courtroom victory over Blubbering Bill. His suit in South Carolina has now elicited at least one lawyer in opposition, which may well mean that a counter-suit will be forthcoming. His previous misadventures in Law Land pale in comparison to his spectacular current failures.

      It might indicate a scintilla of common sense that Witless Willie is no longer transmitting his alleged cogitations to the laughing public. Did it suddenly become clear to him that he is utterly incompetent legally and that dismissing his latest suit with prejudice needs to be done tomorrow? Or is he engaged in spinning some fantasy that his recent loss in North Carolina and his imminent loss in Maryland are part of a clever plan to wreak vengeance in South Carolina on assorted miscreants who have mocked him. If the latter, no wonder that he has been silent so long: making up that fairy tale would stretch the imagination of Hans Christian Anderson to the breaking point.

      If I believed Willy Scheissfeldt had any common sense, I would expect a very rapid dismissal of his current suit. But that is not my belief. So I feel that the future is obscure. Perhaps someone whom he obeys will tell him to cut his losses, but perhaps there are those who find it convenient to encourage him in focusing attention on himself. All I know is that whatever happens will be funny because Willy.

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