But I CAN’T (not won’t, CAN’T, there’s a difference) Go to MARYLAND!!

Gee, where have I heard this line of bullshit before?


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

35 thoughts on “But I CAN’T (not won’t, CAN’T, there’s a difference) Go to MARYLAND!!”

  1. It's harder to tell the absolute truth about Mr. Bill.

    And be believed.

    1. This is so true. You should hear what my friends say when I go, "Guess what Bill did?" And I actually have to show them every time now because they always say, "No, he couldn't possibly be any more stupid!" Welp, here you go.

    1. This option becomes possible only if we assume that the "new sweetie" is a real human. If it is an inflatable doll or a cat, it is easy to get away with a tall tale or two.

  2. He's got nothing else to do with his time. No family. No friends. No hobbies. Except for gaming and anime porn, his imaginary friend has nothing. Heck, these two don't even waste time on oral hygiene. May as well take a quick trip.

    I lay the odds at 50-50 he shows up. That shifts quickly depending on how soon he has to depart the Fleabag Arms.

    (I spent the day with the family. But I'm allowed to see my grandkid. Daily.)

    1. Bill will not show for the restraining order hearing, nor will he show for the show cause/trial. He can't show his face in a courtroom as a defendant - he knows that he will be completely embarrassed and that will be worse for him (short term) than skipping out on these appearances. Of course, intelligent people know that the longer term consequences of not showing up are significantly greater, but Bill ........

      1. I really do think he is unraveling psychologically. The reversals and wild accusations are coming faster and faster. Maybe he is finally accepting that he has trapped himself. I am actually tempted to watch his Twitter feed just to see the final crash play out in real time. Nah. I'll save that to be savored later.

        1. I think you may be right JXM, he seems even more unhinged than normal. lol

          The only chance he has to live a normal existence from this point forward begins by dismissing the latest LULZSUIT and agreeing to NEVER file another one against any member of TFS. He should then hire a real attorney and open discussions with Mr Hoge to agree on a settlement in Hoge v Kimberlin. Bill might have valuable information that may interest Mr Hoge going forward. Unfortunately, the Cabin Boy doesn't have a decent bone in his body so there is zero chance he would consider any of the actions listed above.

          The harsh reality for Bill Schmalfeldt is this point in his life is as good as gets. Imagine getting to the later stages of your life and you have no money, no place to call home, no contact with your children or grandchildren, no healthy personal relationships or friendships, your siblings want nothing to do with you and you were recently kicked out of your hometown after only a few months back there. Bill needs to face facts...........HIS LIFE SUCKS and its only going to get worse on the current heading. His lifelong hatred and lies have built the current prison he finds himself locked inside.

          Bill------drop the lulzsuits tomorrow, hire an attorney and follow his advice, disengage with your current online world and move on with your life. As much as I dislike you and your behavior towards others, everyone deserves some happiness in life. Stop all this craziness, make things right with your enemies and put all this in your rearview mirror.

        2. Part of the problem is he can't even afford to hire an attorney. He is screwed, he can feel the walls closing in, and he knows it. We should expect even more outrageous behavior from him as the end draws closer. I would not be surprised to see violence from him towards his new "soulmate" as the end gets closer and closer.

        3. His life may suck, but there is always The Cure...

          Watch him fuck that up, and just blow off his lower jaw with a shotgun, or some other such fuckup that only INCREASES the suckitude that is his life.

          One can hope, right, Howard?

        4. The AR always belonged to TJ. I doubt he has any firearms, as he would have had to re-license, re-register and most of all re-pay ALL THE TAXES & FEES in three different states.

        5. PK -

          Most of those states (I believe all but MD) are FREE states, where any citizen, even as dysfunctional as The Schmalwrus, can own a firearm without prior convictions.

          Unlike Brett, Bill has never been convicted.

        6. True, but even if ownership is unrestricted, licensing, registration, and taxes are all required. It all costs, and he's a cheap sonofabitch.

        7. Yes, this has me reconsidering certain issues, but I'm still coming down on the side of Freedom.

          If Bill can have a gun, by God I want one too.

        8. PK, this licensing, registration and taxes you speak of.

          If it's not full auto, no registration, no $200 stamp. It's this crazy thing the cool kids are doing called America. FUAC.

          And Bill's too cheap, and stupid, to convert to full auto illegaly (as opposed to many, who are smart enough to be able, and stupid enough to be willing... seriously kids, don't do illegal full auto! 20 year sentence...)

      2. Except that there's a part of him that goes all warm and gooey over humiliation. Or why would he court it so often?

        Phone, Reykjavik.

        1. I was in Peru, recently, on business.

          Nice people, great food, government provided healthcare, which is somewhat (quite?) limited, of course.

          A retirement income of $30k/year would enable you to live like a king.

          Costa Rica is another nice choice, as is Belize. Went sea kayaking with one of the granddaughters in the latter, a while back. Not really my cup of tea, but she and her boyfriend had a great time.

          Consider it seriously, Cousin. You could have a fresh start.

        2. Thanks for the reminder, HZIC.

          I need to get my boater to the haberdasher and get it cleaned and blocked prior to cigar boat season.

          Owe ya one!

  3. The hilarious thing is he won't deny anything, but try to excuse it.

  4. Doesn't Obamacare give free drugs for the indigent? God knows he could get abortion money. Moobs and all....

    Damn shame he doesn't live in Oregon:

    But I suppose you have to have a bit of Dignity to qualify.

  5. What you wanna bet the reason he sold his hoppy to Jesús was he could not get/renew insurance for it in S.C.

    1. I'm guessing "afford" is closer, particularly after I forwarded his claims of having Parkinson's, giving up driving because of Parkinson's, etc., to his prior insurance company.

      Lies catch up to you, Cousin Bill...

    2. Or simply that the rates went up after Roy told them he has Parkinson's and only started driving 8 months prior...


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