Let’s Play “Spot the Lies”

Here, I’ll help!

I suppose it might be overstating things to call these lies, if you subscribe to Costanza logic:

They could be “alternative truths,” to use a popular phrase.  And DUMBFUCK, in spite of all the evidence of the last five years, may even believe he is speaking truth.  If, for the eighth time in three years, he loses a LOLSUIT on a “technicality,” (DON’T LAUGH) he may actually believe he won’t simply forget it all happened and try again.

I’ve heard these Fatkinson’s sufferers have profound memory issues when it suits them.

Well, it is a lie, if the liar changing his mind proceeds as I have foreseen.

Of course there’s always the possibility of a NEW & IMPROVED strategy that no one could have ever foreseen.

Though it would be an awful waste of the great monikers we have already banked for LOLSUITS IX – XIII if the Inflatable Boifriend starts taking the lead.  Will we have to go back to LOLSUIT I in that case?

LOLSUIT I – Under Pressure?
LOLSUIT I – She’s Gonna Blow!
LOLSUIT I – Pressure Drop
LOLSUIT I – Inflated Ego

Who knows?

 

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

36 thoughts on “Let’s Play “Spot the Lies””

  1. Did the call come from the special "Schmaleldt Clerk" that works statutory holidays; Xmas; after hours; during a tsunami; while giving birth; etc etc etc

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  2. Tweet #4 may not be a lie; he could be referring to himself.

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    1. No, I think it's a lie because for him to stop "[wasting] any more time trying to enforce (interesting word choice!) human decency on people who are incapable of it," he would first have to...

      stop using the internet.

      And we all know that's not going to happen until the lights go dark forever.

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      1. Well, it's probably a lie as he intended it. But taking a deconstructionist reading, it could be simply a statement that he's done trying to be a decent human being. Thereby confirming what we've all known about him for years, but as we also know all too well self-awareness is not his strong suit.

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        1. Ah, yes! I remember now, when he praised his soulmate for encouraging him to aspire to decency from whatever it is you'd call what he is.

          Maybe the best thing she ever did, pity it didn't work out.

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        2. You can lead a horse's ass to water, but if he prefers JWR at some point you just throw up your hands and head back out to the truck stop.

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  3. Aside from the inconvenience, there is no reason not to be pleased as punch with the SC bench and a SC jury. (I don't think the SC Bar has any jurisdiction over people who neither are nor purport to be lawyers licensed in SC.)

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    1. I have absolutely no problem with the SC bench and an SC jury, personally speaking. And being inconvenienced is merely your choice of outlook IMO. But if the Schmalrus wants to sue me from there he's gonna have to work for it. And we all know that Bill just can't manage that, now can he?

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      1. Not to mention, he's well known for turning tail and nut shuffling down to the court to dismiss his failsuits as soon as he gets any sort of pushback.

        IYKWIMAITYD

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      2. Ahh darn.

        We all know that his failure to understand the rules about venue and jurisdiction is total, meaning that the SC suit will be going down in flames in the not too distant future. But Willie admits to memory failures. It is "perfectly possible" that he does not remember bringing suit in federal court last year in Wisconsin and having it dismissed on those pesky procedural technicalities. I was so hoping that at least someone would not embarrass him again that way. There would be such interesting variations on how he might regret bringing suit in South Carolina if the case proceeded in that forum. As it is, we can look forward only to an undoubtedly comic but not completely fresh recapitulation on long-arm statutes, due process, res judicata, collateral estoppel, etc.

        Nevertheless, we could have a spectacular event if Krendler (not under that name of course) agrees to be the attorney for one or more of the Defendants in SC and waives jurisdictional issues for that defendant. We have seen what happens when defendants are represented by the world's worst living attorney. If they were represented by a zombie, who knows what might happen when Willie becomes aware that not only is Grady not Krendler, but that Krendler is cleaning Willie's clock in court.

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  4. Did I mention before that S.C. was one of the places that where I have been a Field Engineer, I have stood in front of numerous Bars in S.C.

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  5. All LULZY, indeed.

    Even funnier, the fact that Hack and Dianne think they own any moral high ground.

    Hey, Shakes and repulsive fucking, snaggle tooth skank-You don't.

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    1. A little ditty 'bout Hack & Dye-ann
      Two American kids growing up in pretendy land
      Hack he's gonna be an internet star
      Dye-ann debutante in the back seat of a whole bunch o people's cars
      Suckin' on a footlong outside the Tastee Freez
      Dye-ann sitting on Hacky's lap
      Got his fat between her knees
      Hack he says:
      "Hey, Dye-ann, let's run off behind this fake hotel tree
      Dribble off those Walmart stretch pants
      Let me do what I please"

      Saying oh yeah
      Life goes on, long after the thrill of cub scouts is gone
      Sayin' oh yeah
      Life goes on, long after the thrill of mayo is gone

      Now scooty puff on

      Hack he sits back, collects his thoughts for a moment (HA!)
      Scratches his head, and does his best Howard Dean
      Well, now then, there, Dye-ann, we ought to run off to the beach
      Dye-ann says:
      "No Neck Fatroll, you ain't missing nothing"
      But Hack he says:
      "Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of sniffing poop is gone"
      Oh yeah
      He says: "life goes on, long after the thrill of grifting is gone"

      Oh, let the scooty puff rock, let it roll
      Let the ninja nuns come and save my soul
      Holdin' on to sixteen year olds as long as you can
      Change is coming 'round real soon
      Make us a Kimberlin fan
      Oh yeah, life goes on

      A little ditty 'bout Hack and Dye-ann
      Two American slobs griftin' the best they can

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      1. This whole thing is REALLY good!

        " Oh, let the scooty puff rock, let it roll
        Let the ninja nuns come and save my soul "

        That's beautiful, man. Just beautiful.

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        1. Hehehehehe. Thanks W.

          I am a musician, after all.

          (See guitar playing teeny tiny icon)

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  6. All LULZY, indeed.

    Even funnier? Hack and Dianne think they occupy any moral high ground.
    Hey, Shakes and skanky snaggle tooth - You don't.

    And put your midget thumb away, Shakes. No one is going to S.C., relevant to your LOLSuit.

    So the two of you should shut your sausage wallets.

    Got it?

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  7. Of course we're not showing "human decency" when mocking Schmalfeldt - he's not really human. Sub-human at best - more like pond scum if you want my opinion.

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    1. That "you're not acting like a good Christian" riff has always been a favorite of radical lefties and demons (but I repeat myself).

      But they never finish the sentence: "You're not acting like a good Christian, you're acting like ME!"

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      1. As a devout pagan, I have never explained why being accused of not being Christian is supposed to bother me.

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      2. That's based on the notion that Jesus used to just run around telling everyone how awesome they were. Um, no. Jesus was NOT non-judgmental.

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        1. Also worth noting is the idea that if Jesus is the standard ( and I believe he is), then there are no good Christians. "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24

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  8. Is this the awful, new, scary, guaranteed-to-silence-the-horde thing that was supposed to come out by the end of the week?

    Because if so, it's not working. Even by Schmaleldt standards, this is weak sauce.

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    1. https://twitter.com/bloodonthemike/status/873379062013624321

      Does this sound like a challenge to anyone else?

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      1. It does. I think Bill Schmalfeldt is a liar, a rapist, a serial harasser, a cyber stalker, a Cub Scout anal rape fantasy writer, and generally one of the worst examples of humans on the planet. That scuzzy meth-mouth slut he is shacking up with in a sleazy motel is no better - they were likely committing adultery with each other, as their spouses lay dying.

        I hope the bastard tries to sue me again - the statue of limitations hasn't expired on any of my counter claims.

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    1. If only the culmination of hypocrisy, irony, hubris, and outright arrogance in such a statement would cause instantaneous spontaneous combustion...

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      1. Why would you wish that on the no-tell motel? They're not prepared for a grease fire of that magnitude, and the sprinklers would just make things worse.

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  9. The big shock Bill alluded to was probably the tremor that occurred when his fat ass fell out of the bed and inflicted that mortal wound he so proudly displayed. What a toughie that guy is being able to live through that.

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    1. My13+lb cat was playing on the arm of my chair the other week and lost his balance. This involved grabbing on to anything nearby to stop his fall. Anything nearby was my forearm.

      I have a 2 inch gash with a nice deep puncture at one end which is going to leave a lovely scar. It bled quite nicely too. Though I'm more annoyed about the hole he put in my shirt; flesh heals, fabric doesn't.

      Can you imagine the pity party he'd have been treated us to for a wound like that?

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