14 thoughts on “BOOOOOOM! DOOOOOOOM!!”

  1. So Bill Schmalfeldt is concerned that someone will use the name of his imaginary friend/blowup doll. Like Diane Kelley is some kind of magic talisman. Is it like the horror villain Candyman or Beetlejuice? If I say 'Diane Kelley' three times, will my mouth start looking like I didn't duck when a sledgehammer was swung? I may live in WV (or not. Vacation property in the state is cheap if you have a real job) but I have in fact used both toothpaste and floss. Of course, I haven't mixed them with meth, so I'm not sure if that's the problem.

    Now why would Bill invent a creature like this? It can't be real. Bill is too much of a lady's man to settle for what he purports to be his fiancé. No, this has to be invented. So why would Bill invent a slattern like this? Someone who has no job, no income, a countenance much like the end boss of a 3rd person shooter.

    Now, for all of the joking, I do NOT think Diane Kelley is an inflatable hag. (The only thing making that float is the density of adipose tissue). No. It's clear that this is Bill in a costume. He always did want to perform (memories of stage sex in Japan, purportedly with a transsexual ) and after being shitcanned from satellite radio, what options were there? Yup, pretend to be his own fiancé.

    Let's start with the 'hair'. Look, my daughter does some crazy shit with her hair, but it has never looked that bad. Based on the timing, I'm guessing Bill found some pink 'grass' from a discarded Easter basket in the dumpster. Throw it on top of that dick dented skull, and voila! Laddie Dye. They've both got some Mr Magoo eyes. Head shape is about the same. Double yuck mouth already documented...

    Ok, I can't bear to recall the appearances of dumbfuck and his alter ego, so let's move on.

    Bill, as we know, is gay. Nothing wrong with that. Had a number of gay friends over the years, just not my thing. But Bill Schmalfeldt is likely a closeted homosexual. He regularly opines on having sex with the men he is suing. When he discusses sex with women, anal is not out of the question. Just look at what he wrote on Daily Kos. Not only is it not out of the question, that piece makes it seem mandatory. Based on the photoshopping he has done, he has spent more time looking at homosexual pornography than any straight man I know.

    More important, Bill has authored probably (provably?) pedophilic pornography. And hangs out online with and defends pedophiles. Degeneracy.

    What does this have to do with "Diane Kelley"? She's a degenerate as well. Recently unearthed accounts have shown 'she' has a strong interest in homosexual porn. I'm not knowledgeable enough about video games or anime to know for sure, but some of those characters seem underage. I'd point to an example, but the account is now private and probably being purged. Could be a problem if the sea hag from myrtle beach (Diane Kelley, in case you forgot) would ever sue anyone for defaming.

    But that's never going to happen. See, Bill made a little mistake. He keeps saying that he will sue on behalf of no tell motel dolly. He can't. Unless he IS the no tell motel dolly. Sadly for Bill, he still can't sue. Because you can't defame a fictional being.

    Other than Bill, nothing so stupid, ugly, and degenerate exists in reality. I would claim 'both' of them have a social disease, based solely on their appearance, except that I sincerely doubt either of them has ever been in that kind of situation. With a human.

    Oh, wait, I need to correct that. According to Bill's cousin, Bill Schmalfeldt raped someone in his youth. It seems incredible, but Bill DID drop a lawsuit (with prejudice, I believe) claiming that this was false. That almost seems like an admission to me.

    So, in closing, laugh at Lady Di Preston-Schmalfeldt (or is it Schmaleldt?) because he's a performer. He says he's a kidder, he likes to make people laugh. No, it's not very GOOD art, but Bill is trying.

    And if Diane Kelley is a real person living in a fleabag motel in South Carolina, she should know this: you are a dumb, ugly bitch. As far as I can tell, you've got no kids (just like Bill!), for which the country, especially those of us who pay taxes, are eternally grateful.

    Bill, it was funny when Borat went after Pamela Anderson and Jon Lovitz claimed to be married to Morgan Fairchild. Copy their playbook, and pretend to be involved with Scarlett Johansson. Not this Lady Di Kelley Preston creature that is a cross between Chunk from the Goonies and the chunks in the bowl after a run to the border.

    Be well.

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    1. Oops, disregard that. I meant Sloth from the Goonies, not Chunk. Chunk could dance, which is one skill more than the dumbfuck duo possess.

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    2. C'mon, GM, tell us how you *really* feel!!!

      Stop pussyfooting around, already!

      Cousin, you gonna let him talk at you like that? If you do, yer eating shit with a big old spoon!

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    3. Weren't you suposed to be destroyed by the Wrath of William Preston, Esquire? Sorry, that was the smart Bill. Or was that Ted? Either one was smarter than the bowl BS shared with TJ.

      Second, what has Chunk ever done to you?

      Third, I anticipate Bill's new podcast, where he encounters a Baby Ruth. Oh, wait, that wasn't Goonies, that was Caddyshack.

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      1. Aaaaaaaagh!!

        https://twitter.com/breitbitnews/status/874087859548041218

        We have a "See you soon." sighting.

        I love "see you soon." He never sees anyone soon.

        That's why we love him.

        Right, Neal?

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        1. The fail is strong in this one.

          And I retract my statement about a Baby Ruth. Unless M&M Mars screwed up and put a bright green M&M in a Baby Ruth.

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        2. Breitbit News‏ @breitbitnews

          I suppose I should be honored by having my DMCA complaint against @wjjhoge turned down. He only steals from the BEST! @truth_partner
          4:26 PM – 11 Jun 2017

          He has been busy this afternoon submitting false DMCA complaints.

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    4. So you're going to get sued for this because you described his less than attractive playtoy in even less appealing terms?

      You know what they say - truth is an absolute defense.

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  2. I'm pretty sure that is NOT the response old Stolen Valor Schmaleldt was expecting. Oh well, to bad, so sad.

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  3. So is the ugly cunt's name Dianne Kelley or is the ugly cunt's name Dianne Preston?

    Name aside, that sure is one ugly cunt.

    What are you gonna do, Shakes? Sue me.

    You big dumb jerk off.

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    1. Xzmaiden name was Preston, then Smith, then Kelley while it was still Smith, then Kelley. Not sure whether the p-s hyphenation is threat or promise.

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