The Things You Learn By Paying Attention

Bill Schmaleldt, sooperleegulljeenyus, has filed 8 LOLSUITS in the last three years.

Seven were filed or counterfiled in federal court. The other was dismissed F from a state court because Bill Schmalfeldt does not understand the rules, and by “does not understand the rules” I mean “is a drooling idiot.”

Of the seven filed in federal court, 3 times he filed an amended complaint, and one suit has an amended complaint pending, according to the DUMBFUCK himself.

Of the three cases where an amended complaint was NOT filed, obviously those cases were dismissed due either to the fatal errors that were left uncorrected or at the request of the plaintiff through his welfare attorney.

The three cases where DUMBFUCK’S amended complaints solved every problem…were wildly successful, if by wildly successful I actually mean dismissed by the most basic of motions to dismiss.

At least one of those cases (as far as the general public knows) was dismissed based on a motion to dismiss filed by the Worst Attorney in the World, whom DUMBFUCK is too great a coward to name as a defendant in LOLSUIT VIII – The Fat and the Furryious.

Another of those three suits was dismissed WITH PREJUDICE by the plaintiff himself, and oh, how the fear pee flowed that day, and when DUMBFUCK fled Maryland.

The last of the three LOLSUITS that DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt amended to solve all the fatal flaws was dismissed for no discernible reason. Thank God for that, too, because if there is one thing that our Ballonpricker has shown the world over three years of futility, it’s that he LEARNS FROM THE FEW MISTAKES HE HAS EVER MADE.

Grady, Hoge, Johnson and Palmer are obviously doomed. They should lawyer up and get their check-writing hands warmed up.

THIS TIME…he’s solved it all. For sure.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

7 thoughts on “The Things You Learn By Paying Attention”

  1. He honestly believes that John Hoge gave him enough information to file an amended complaint.

    If he thinks that Hoge's advice was enough to glean any kind of ability to repair this atrocity,well, good luck.

    One of the great things about him is he's going to gleefully walk us through his version of the future where everyone loses. Then the fates will laugh at him and there will be a different version where he ends up with lots of sadz.

    Because he is fucking stupid in a most glorious way. I'm soooo ready for LOLSUIT VIII to become the greatest story of fail yet.

    And not just any ordinary fail - BILL SCHMALFELDT FAIL!


    1. If this the same John Hoge that is never, ever right about the law because SMAWFELT AM LAW(!!!)?

      Yup. Uh huh.

  2. The owner of www has configured their website improperly.

    He stated that his "lady love" was joining the suite with the amended complaint, and I thought to myself nobody can be that stupid--then remembered it was bill s we are talking about.

    I would ask for bets that he totally violates the FRCP before he even completes the caption but it is would be a sucker bet.

  3. Just gonna say two things:

    "Petition for Judicial Commitment"


    S.C. Code § 44-17-510

  4. Krendler, did you mis-spell Furryless?

    No wonder the cat is joining the suit as a plaintiff. That cat's lack of fur is essential to its profession of weird feline as well as its self-respect. I have my doubts about Bill's case, but the cat's case OBVIOUSLY stands a much better chance.

  5. Oh, snap!

    I wanted it all to come as a beautiful surprise. However, since, rather like a goose, he wakes up in a new universe every day, it probably will dawn upon him in glorious Technicolor anyway.

    Phone, train.


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