Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

I see you survived another day at the beach, fighting off environmentalists trying to drag you back into the ocean.  Good on ya.

But this…

…just doesn’t ring true, IYKWIMAITYD!

You know all those times you sued people?  All those hundreds of times you told people to LAWYER UP?

Don’t you wish now that you’d taken your own advice? Or the advice of Ely? Or the advice of every shitty online lawyer you ever corresponded with at AVVO and JustAnswer?  Every time, they said “consult an attorney.”

But you, Mr. DUMBFUCK Dunning-Kruger, are too smart to be caught up in those scammers’ nets.  Too fabulous a pro se savant  to ever be caught in the rules you have so steadfastly refused to study and understand.

No, no…not you.

You know what’s worse than having the guidance of the disgraced, unemployed, Worst Lawyer in the World™?

Having no lawyer at all.

Thanks for climbing the gallows and so willingly sticking your head in the noose. Whatever you do, don’t kick that lever over there.  It will drop you straight into de briar patch, Br’er Rabbit.

But keep howling on Twitter! The Feldtdowns are entertaining AS FUCK, and will surely educate Judge Hecker on what those rules (which ones? Oh, only the ones you like, of course!) he told you to follow really mean.

Of course, there’s always the chance that The People’s Republic of Maryland will save you from the fate you so richly deserve, but how many times will you bounce off the “BUT I’M IGNORANT, JUDGE!” wall, before it bounces back?

Karma Train rolls on.  Hits you when you ain’t looking.

All we have here at The Thinking Man’s Zombie is FUN.  And you are a bottomless well of it.

TA!

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

6 thoughts on “Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!”

  1. Sir Fear Pee is doing all of this against Sir John out of spite.

    What he doesn't realize is that the Courts frown on that kind of crap and there are consequences to it.

    I am praying that Blimp Butt finds out first hand the consequences to thumbing your nose to a Judge and the Legal system.

    In fact he probably is doing it on purpose so he will get to spend time in jail, that way he gets to play his favorite game: His head in a shit filled toilet, while some guy named Bubba packs his ass with a splintered broomstick.

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  2. It cracks me up to see that look of hopeful expectation on his face, looking at all that mountain of evidence he has. If only there was a picture of the face of the poor lawyer who had that mound of failure slapped on his desk, or a picture of the abject dejection on Bill's face as he nutshuffled out of the room a few minutes later, trying to ignore the unsuccessfully stifled chuckles form the "real lawyers" he was SO SURE would deliver unto him his enemies.

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    1. Honestly, I think he'd gotten into the booze at that point and was hallucinating that the document file was a giant cheeseburger.

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  3. Let's review:

    Hoge files lawsuit, Bill laughs.

    Bill responds, predicts that Hoge's lawsuit will be dismissed after he filed an incredibly awesome and amazing Motion to Dismiss.

    Judge denies Bill's motion in a hearing he attended via Skype (because he's invalid and his motion sucks.) Schmalfeldt, however, had this all planned, and immediately said, "It's no big deal. Hoge is a meanie."

    Bill then says Hoge's suit will be dismissed after Walker's case ended with Kimberlin getting no punishment. He starts ramping up the PR machine because both Walker and Hoge have seen the end. That's right - capitulation and unconditional surrender is just days away.

    Hoge's suit survives all MTD's (save for Ferguson who managed to cry enough that the judge felt sorry for him and let him go back to his pot farm and dreams of his ex-wife before his birthday) and the process goes to discovery.

    Bill filed several motions, and they are summarily denied (so does Kimberlin, but Hoge successfully defended against all of them.)

    Bill refuses interrogatories or to produce discovery documents.

    In a radically novel strategy, known as the "Feldt Chart Gambit", Bill ignores all procedural rules, and files NOTHING to help his own defense. He's already surmised this isn't going to trial so why waste the time. Instead, he runs to twitter and to his publishing company..er.. website.. whatever, and publishes even more disparaging remarks along with drawings of obscene graphics, further supporting the case against him.

    Later, not accidentally and on purpose, slashes his tires with street curbs. He attempts to bring in the cops and reports that Patrick Grady and Hoge are responsible, not realizing that experts on tire wear and tear say he's a liar. In fact, he's such an amazing tactician, tries to convince the cops of the huge "right wing nut job" conspiracy and how he is a major liberal and is currently hiding in Iowa until the situation is more conducive to his return. Later he's elated they suspend the investigation because its obvious, this is for the FBI and his buddy, James Comey. And while he's at it, he'll get some juicy gossip about Trump over tea with the controversial political figure and report his finding to Brett Kimberlin who's also working the international angle of forged.. I mean, well researched documentation of Trump's indiscretions, worth thousands of dollars.

    Hoge files a motion to compel after the clock runs out, Schmalfeldt objects with a tantalizing and witty opposition, which the Judge most assuredly didn't read, but then has to appear via Skype and is ordered to comply.

    While in the courtroom, Bill chooses to record his testimony against the rules. In what can only be described as a "I will tell the truth my way and show the world" move, Bill RELEASES the heavily edited video and only shows the part where he calls Hoge a liar, obviously convincing his robot followers of just how powerful a man he is.

    Hoge files a petition for contempt and sanctions against Bill for breaking the rules. Bill, says "No way the Judge is going to agree to that! Hell, I'll show you and file an unnecessary opposition!" And when he does, he does the "Full Monty Press" and basically says, "Yeah I did it against the rules but I don't consider my hotel room a courtroom. In fact, in a court facility - there are no hotel rooms!" Included are more derogatory and scurrilous attacks on Hoge.

    Judge issues a notice to appear summons and schedules a hearing on the petition. Bill goes full on PR rehabilitation and makes more disparaging graphics and comments on twitter, bringing in his new transvestite's account to the fray (no word on whether the "transvestite" exists, or is actually responding on the twitter account.)

    In the meantime, he answers the request for production of documents by saying, "I don't have any, go fuck yourself" - completely forgetting that the internet is forever.

    Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, it is high time we recognize this for what it is: Incontrovertible, undeniable, unrelinquishing, and permanent failure of a man. This is the same pattern seen time and time again in the legal adventures of one Bill Schmalfeldt.

    So what's really in his hand? Binders full of documented FAILURE.. LOTS AND LOTS of FAILURE! The internet has you, Bill. Your life is nothing more than adventure of being laughed at and mocked. And it's not over.

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    1. But alas, there is no just. There is only The Judge with Bill's fresh thumbprints in his eye. Dis gon b gud.

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