I Has A Bucket List

  1. Make up a stupid bucket list wish from an old WaPo article, like “take a 14,000 mile driving tour of the lower 48 states to see every state capital” and set an impossible schedule to do it.
  2. Beg strangers on the internet for cash to buy new toys.
  3. Whine like a bitch about people poking holes in my genius plan.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

20 thoughts on “I Has A Bucket List”

  1. Will the court be made aware of the fact the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt is planning on taking a 14,000 mile trip (pulling it all off in a whopping 35 days)?

    Will the court be reminded the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt couldn't attend a past hearing because of Parkinson's Disease Stage Eleventy?

    Will the court find it interesting and/or curious that the very same Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt, who is planning a 14,000 mile, whirlwind tour of the lower 48 states, is the exact same Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt who for some reason needs to Skype in his next court appearance versus traveling to Maryland and attending in person?

    Inquiring minds and stuff.

  2. When your enemy hands you a whip it would be a shame not to put it to use right?

    1. frikkin non embedding bullshit....


    1. $25 ain't gonna get his rotund ass very far...

      Maybe to the county line.... if his rust bucket SUV doesn't throw a rod halfway across town.

      1. You forget, he went out for lardsagna and asscheesecake Friday night. Even in Squintin' Iowa that's gonna cost more than 25 bucks. Even if you don't tip.

      2. Man... it's like the movie Dodgeball. They had a carwash fundraiser and spent more money than they made.


  3. Fuckwit should donate his lard-frame to SpaceX as a fuel source.
    Free trip to the moon.

    1. The amount of rocket fuel needed to get Tons-o-chins out of Earth's gravity would negate his value as a fuel source...

      Now shooting his worthless bulk into the sun would be a win-win...

  4. Bill so obviously never outgrew the toddler stage. One, he thinks he is the center of everyone's universe, not just his own. (He probably doesn't even recognize that others have their own.) Two, he says whatever he thinks will get him what he wants now, and doesn't care (or probably even realize) that it contradicts what he said in the past, even the very recent past. Three, he throws really classic toddler tantrums when people don't react the way they should when he is the center of everyone's universe and they have the temerity to point out his contradictions/lies.

    I suppose we should be thankful he hasn't gone full on throw himself on the ground and scream while beating his hands and feet, though if anyone was in a position to film it..... A friend of mine's three year old did that once leaving the grocery store when friend wouldn't buy the kid the candy kid wanted. Friend said her first reaction was to just laught since she hadn't thought anyone did that other than in cartoons. The kid never pulled that stunt again. Of course that means the kid learned that that particular behaviour didn't get what she wanted, it got her laughed at. Heck, I had a cat who never tried fishing in the fish tank after I saw him and laughed. Bill isn't even as bright as my cat. He can't learn what the cat and the kid learned.

    1. That's how I raised my kids.

      My first daughter didn't realize that you were supposed to cry when you hurt yourself until she went to preschool.

      Before that, she would, for example, run full speed into a door or wall, fall down, and laugh. I have film.

      She's still damn tough.

      Temper tantrum? Once.

      Begging for something in a store? Once.

      Rudeness to strangers? Once, then I trained her how to do it correctly.


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