Jealousy Is An Ugly Thing

The reason DUMBFUCK never wears green is not only because it’s just unflattering and reflective of his jealous soul, but also because every time he stands still, people try to hang Christmas decorations on him.

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

8 thoughts on “Jealousy Is An Ugly Thing”

  1. Hey Lyin' of Lebanon... no matter how much you slam on Lee...

    ... he is still better than you.

    Who is asking questions to the Press Secretary of the President?

    Who is getting paid for their Journalism?

    And who is sitting around a .27 watt nothingburger radio station plaguing the residents of a microscopic section of Iowa to their appalling lack of broadcasting talent?

    Better. Than. You.

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  2. Since Alan Colmes gnawed off his own soul to escape the Pleather Muu-Muu of Ioway, the Scmalrus is going to try currying the favor of Patton Owwalt again. Good Luck Patton! Hope you survive the Dumbfuck Love Bomb.

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  3. "Meet Lee Stranahan. A leading member of the vast fraternity of "better" journalists."

    FIFY

    Better than what? Do I really have to say it out loud?

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  4. Didn't Mr. Fakinsons make a comment in his OurTime profile to the effect of "show me someone who is 61 that doens't put their teeth in a glass at night and I'll show you someone who is lucky" and "I still have some of my front teeth"?

    Projection is a horrible thing Mr. Fakinsons. Maybe you should be focusing on the next press conference with the president.

    Oh wait...

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  5. I was driving through Iowa yesterday, making my rounds. I was trying to sell off a trunkload of 'lectric brooms, brushes, and shower curtain rings. Ever been to Iowa? It's boring. Boring, boring, boring. Look to your left? Nothing but flat for miles. Look to your right? The same damn thing.

    It was around 2 p.m. and I was getting tired from a day of driving through the same old thing for mile after mile after mile. I pulled over into a big old parking lot across from the Purina Plant. I figured I could eat my lunch, get some paperwork done via some free wi-fi, and maybe even catch a couple of zee's before heading out of town.

    Well, I pulled out my old transistor radio and turned it on for some background noise. I jumped around the dial for a bit and eventually landed on a station that "plays everything". I started my paperwork and soon realized that the radio station I had found was probably one of those that has a computer playing everything. The DJ, if there is one, is just there to try to save things if the computer goes all whack-a-doodle. The mix was okay, though, and it was a "no repeat Monday" so I kept listening.

    I began to eat my lunch. (Turkey sandwich and a nice cold Thermos bottle of Midwestern America's finest tap water...it's one of those things that makes America great, you know!) Eventually a DJ with an elderly tinge to his voice came on and told some kind of story about how he and his brother got in trouble for looking at their daddy's porno mags. It was an interesting choice of topic. Seemed like the kind of thing one normally keeps to himself. Like pooping, it's something everybody probably does, we just don't speak about it. Well, I kept on eating and filing paperwork. Soon the old DJ came on again. He told another story. It was utterly forgettable, like most of Iowa, until I heard the following line referring to the story I had just heard: “As crazy as a dog that’s been, uh, I don’t know….kept in the basement.” It was as if he was at a loss for words. Unprepared, maybe.

    Later the same old man came on and I began to wonder if he wasn't just aged, but maybe he was mentally challenged, too. I could tell he was trying to do a good job as a DJ. He led into Great White's modern American classic "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" with the following line: "If you've ever been bitten, you're not shy about it." At that point I realized the station must have made some kind of Americans With Disabilities Act hiring decision. I thought it was daring of them to put a retard on the air but the stupid shit that kept coming out of his mouth was jarring. I turned off the old transistor radio, threw in a CD full of show tunes, and headed off down the road.

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    1. You sir, are a Zombie among Zombies!

      Your comment has earned the Thinking Man's Zombie Seal of Approval!

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