34 thoughts on “Everyone’s Noticed This, Right?”

  1. Keyboard Cowboy?

    More like... Keyboard Cowpie. Or, is that Keyboard Kowpie?

    Matters not, I suppose... SSDD.

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  2. I focused on another part of the bio.

    Having read all seven of his lulzsuits and hundreds of his blogs and Twitter feeds, the Johnnie Walker Red Baron doesn't strike me as very jolly, thereby contradicting the most famous stereotype of fat people.

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    1. Not to mention how he's obsessively characterized himself as angry, for the past five years or so. I wonder if he took note of me repeatedly mocking him for that, or figured out how ridiculous it was on his own.

      I lied. I know he's too dumb to figure out much on his own.

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  3. Also, I love the fact that an almost 62 year old man has adopted the fantasy wardrobe of an 8 year old whilst painting himself as "the adult in the room." That makes me smile.

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    1. Cowboy hat, pirate shit, and imitation gold Run DMC chain.

      Gail must be so proud of where her money went.

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    1. Thanks for that brief amble down "I WANT IT ALL, DOUG!" memory lane.

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  4. Love the affectation of the "grim countenance" and then taking the shot from a low angle to emphasize height and desperately try to seize some gravitas. Surprised he didn't under light his face for greater effect (stopwatch started on that one).

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    1. Just how many selfies do you think he took to get that one right picture?

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      1. Unfortunately none of the multitude of selfies he took to get this one perfect shot can fix the unfortunate soffit, cabinets and light fixture in the background. Oh, and the refrigerator handle. Ain't no fixing those things without major photoshop.

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  5. That cowboy hat may be apropos, because he has to wrangle Depends up his Fat Legs every hour.

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  6. You can spray perfume on shit to make it smell better, but it is still SHIT.

    And you can put a cowboy hat on a Stupid, but it is still a DUMBFUCK!

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  7. I thought he couldn't use a keyboard because of Parkinson's Stage XXXL? That he used voice to text? If so, the keyboard is only as mighty as his fat little arms can swing it.

    Oh, and he's a DiCK. Thank you.

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  8. "Warrior," he calls himself. Sure. The kind who regularly hikes up his skirt (OK, muu-muu) and flees.

    Someone remind me... what is the usual punishment for cowardice in the face of the enemy?

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  9. He isn't Leonidas. I see the actual conversation going like this:

    Bill: "I shall climb up on my soapbox!"

    Hoge: "Then I shall blog in the shade."

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  10. Witless Willie certainly did not seem very eager to enter the fray when he whimpered last Tuesday about having to defend himself in court in Maryland. Furthermore, I seem to remember that, even while he lived in Maryland, he was a no-show at a hearing there where he was the plaintiff AND he also dismissed his own suit for defamation against someone who had called him a rapist. I am getting a bit elderly so I hope someone will please correct me if my memory of his Maryland adventures is faulty.

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    1. And that first hearing in MD was against someone, can't remember his name, who flew in to MD from IL, Chicago-area IIRC, and then Bill swore the guy never showed up if I remember events correctly.

      Dammit, what was the guy's name? It's on the tip of my tongue, but I know what I've spilled on this keyboard... (Not that, I'm not on TK, think pizza and nachos from like five years ago. Geez...)

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  11. Oh, and "mighty keyboard"?

    There may be journamalists who write worse than Witless Willie, but I cannot name any off hand. Anyone have any suggestions for his worst figure of speech. "Baby virgin's blood" is a good starting point.

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    1. Many, many apologies to Bugs Bunny. I love ya, guy, and hate to reference you in reference to this. But you'd handle this with class, and perhaps with a stick of dynamite, so maybe you're already in the loop...

      RWNJ: "Ow mighty Biwwy, shall be quite the task. And how shall you do it, might I inquire to ask?"

      DFFU: "With my pen and mighty keyboard!"

      RWNJ: "Mighty keyboard?"

      DFFU: "Mighty keyboard!"

      RWNJ: "Mighty keyboard?"

      DFFU: "Shall I give you a sample?"

      (DFFU gestures mightily, or perhaps, futilely)...

      DFFU: "North winds bwow. South winds bwow. Rain! Krendler! HOOOOOOOOOOGEEEEE!!!!!!"

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  12. I suppose his chosen camera angle could be highlighting deep pits I never noticed before, or he has a gawdawful bruise from falling out of his chair. That cluster of sooty brown marks under his eye, if neither of those things, look a good deal like, are very typical, of melanoma on the face.

    Parkinson's is associated with more than one dermatological problem but the most serious is about a fourfold (range is two to seven times risk) increased risk of melanoma. If that is being though of by him as age spotting, keratoses, or eczema he might be ignoring something that could kill him quick.

    He should be on the lookout for cutaneous metastasis too, which usually appears as flesh coloured papules or nodules in the skin, though sometimes pigmented or ulcerated.

    The dark appearing spots on the photo are also on the maxillary dermatome and spread of melanoma can be zosterform and unilateral.

    The cause of the increased risk isn't understood, but it's known that the same proteins that clog up a Parkinson's brain also cluster around nerves in the skin.

    Don't be a dum5uck and say you got brown spots the old fashioned way and that they are nothing.

    If it's just a photo shadow artifact or bruise then nevermind.

    If its brown spots go to the doctor.

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    1. After I read "he might be ignoring something that could kill him quick," my first thought was "Well, shut uuuuup!"

      Then I got down to "Don’t be a dum5uck and say you got brown spots the old fashioned way and that they are nothing," and you win the internet.

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    2. I cant believe how much weight he has gained "recently". He is marching right past 400 lbs on his way to 450 lbs. On a completely different topic, I wonder if his Parkinson's Disease has progressed "recently"? Humm......

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    3. I hope Krendler's bitch who is self-humiliating and self-described as Happy My Wife Died woo hoo TheMerryWidower treats your warnings exactly the same way the grotesque ghoul who is Krendler's bitch treated similar warnings and pleas wrt its late wife. IOW, I hope Krendler's bitch live-blogs every mortifying detail of suffering and posts a death bed photo.

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  13. Yeah...such a tough guy...because it take a BIG MAN like Schmalfeldt to fantasize about child-rape and molest the nuns at Canticle and Juniper Courts 😛

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