Busy, Busy Birdies

The story you are about to read is true.  It is multiply-sourced and independently verified.

A while back, my good zombie pal Morgana posted this:

A reminder that since 2009, Bill Schmalfeldt has been unable to drive because, he says, Parkinson’s had so eroded his muscle control and executive function that he could not tell the accelerator from the brake pedal.  He decided that it would be a bad idea for society at large to allow Bill Schmalfeldt behind the wheel of an automobile.

Because Parkinson’s.

And for over six years, he lived as a completely worthless slug, “totally dependent” on his wife to get him from place to place, but no less manly for his worthlessness.

Because where is there to go from zero manliness?

I wondered if he was still the miserable, contemptible sloth he had been, now that his captive chauffeur, errand-runner and LOLSuit mailer had gone to her reward.

I reached out to my little birdies.

One of them, Robin, was the source of all that wonderful information received in an FOIA request that became the pair of posts that showed “Stolen Valor” Bill Schmalfeldt wore medals during his second tour in the Navy for which there is no evidence that he earned. Robin reminded me that tucked away in the reams of information was a bit of data that should have been redacted but wasn’t. (Oopsie Poopsie, NPRC!)

That piece of data was completely irrelevant to that story, so I didn’t use it. There was no need.

But to find out what I wanted to know now, that information would come in very useful.

All states have web sites for driver services. Many allow drivers to check the status of their license online. A few have options for searching out this information based on information other than a driver’s license number.

I asked another source, Jay, to look into this.  Jay confirmed for me that Wisconsin is such a state and, armed with the wealth of personal information that Oversharer Bill Schmalfeldt has left online over many years, went poking at the Wisconsin DMV.

The first thing they ask for is a driver’s license number.

Jay did not have a number. Not then.

The next screen asks for two bits of information that Bill Schmalfeldt has foolishly made part of the public record. And one that my birdie Robin remembered.  That’s the redacted field, which I am not sharing as a matter of responsible journalism.

Providing the requested information (and proving you are not a robot) returns the following:

Lazy, no-account slug Bill Schmalfeldt, who surrendered his drivers license in 2009 because Parkinson’s Lazyfuck’s disease gave him an excuse to further bind the captive nurse to him, has acquired a Wisconsin driver’s license.

For the record, I will note that one redacted portion of the image above is the actual driver’s license number. While this will make future searches easier, there is no reason to share it.

Any responsible journalist would do the same.

Unfortunately, this story is about an irresponsible fake journimalist with pretend ethics that apply only to others and not to him, Bill Schmalfeldt.

This new driver’s license begs several questions:

  • Why would a shitsniffing DUMBFUCK who surrendered his license in 2009 – ostensibly due to the accelerating symptoms of a progressive neurological disorder – need a new one?
  • Why would the turdrolling toddlerstalker ever think it would be wise for him to get back on the road, after seven years of complaining that the targets of his stalking and harassment are only EXACERBATING his symptoms by asking him to stop?
  • Why would a lying, vexatious litigant who claims to be unable to travel outside the range of his MedicAlert device without risking his very life even need a driver’s license?
  • Wouldn’t this toss a serious wrench in his claims that he is unable to travel to court appearances in far-off jurisdictions?
  • Could it be the NINJANUNS look askance on the frequent door-to-door deliveries of budget spirits?
  • Does he even own a car?

That final question I answered myself.  How I did so will remain a secret. But…

Bill “I Can’t Drive, I Can’t Travel, I’m A Pauper, Find Me A Captive Lawyer” Schmalfeldt BOUGHT HIMSELF A CAR!

Can I prove it?

Enter Little Birdie Number 3 – Paul Krendler’s personal Agent Starling.

I asked Agent Starling if it would be possible to find and photograph a 1999 Ford Explorer parked at Canticle and Juniper Courts.


I’ll bet this car can make it to Maryland and back.

Now – what conclusions can a reasonable zombie draw from this?

In 2009, a so-called man (actually a proven serial liar) gives up his driver’s license, admitting that Parkinson’s disease renders him unsafe at any speed. Seven years later, with no mate to fetch his footlongs, mail his legal laff riots, wash his droopy drawers or recycle his whiskey bottles, he buys a car.  Because if there’s one thing certain about progressive neurological disorders like Parkinson’s disease – it gets better, not worse, over time.

So, is Bill Schmalfeldt faking?

That’s not for me to say.  I just publish all the relevant facts, and let the reader make their own decision.

And the relevant facts are:

  1. By his own admission, Bill Schmalfeldt gave up his driver’s license in 2009, because Parkinson’s disease made it unsafe for him to drive.
  2. Parkinson’s disease is a progressive neurological disorder. It only gets worse, never better.
  3. By his own description, totally disabled, wheelchair bound dating machine Bill Schmalfeldt, whose voice is now so ragged that he can no longer perform a podcast, whose stress-related Parkinson’s symptoms are so advanced that opening a tub of horse poop causes him to keel over, is deeper into late stage ELEVENTYIVLIAR Parkinson’s disease than ever before.
  4. In 2016, alleged Parkinson’s disease sufferer Bill Schmalfeldt got a driver’s license and bought a 1999 Ford Explorer.

Draw your own conclusions.



Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

59 thoughts on “Busy, Busy Birdies”

  1. Who would have thunk that my pulling that ancient post of his would have sparked.... THIS. And this is utterly glorious in the sheer audacity of his lies to courts in MULTIPLE JURISDICTIONS.

    Makes me wonder what the judge in Illinois would say to being sent this information. He submitted to their jurisdiction, after all. And claimed he was SO FUCKING POOR that he needed a captive lawyer to try and sue me and to have his fees waived.

    But of course he's a lying liar who lies. Wonder when he will feel his pants being on fire literally rather than figuratively. I would imagine sooner rather than later.

  2. I think its safe to say that Bill has lied about his medical conditions.

    I wonder how one triggers an audit of certain disability benefits?

    1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ls3PFjfempc

      The picture starting around 47 seconds is eyeopening.

    1. Nope. Even captive lawyers are ethically bound to tell their clients what idiots they are.

      1. I suppose we will never know what the lawyer said. Pity, it would have been so interesting.

    2. Does it HAVE to be for a little birdie to let the law firm know they've been DEFRAUDED out of valuable billable hours?

    1. Of course not.... It's not red.

      Wonder how much he paid for that rust bucket POS?

  3. The drivers license I can see. You need ID in modern society and perhaps it's simply easier to transfer to a drivers license rather than get a non-drivers state ID in this circumstance. That's assuming that he didn't really officially give up his license in Maryland, of course.

    The car? A gas-guzzling SUV like that? Good lord, imagine if he ever got into an accident where someone got hurt! It would take a personal injury attorny about 3 seconds to read that the defendant shouldn't have been behind the wheel. And I wonder if a car insurance company would have grounds to cancel a policy under such circumstances?

    1. Having been through the process myself (replacing a North Carolina license with a California ID after becoming confined to a wheelchair) no, it would not have been easier to get a CA DL. For starters, I no longer own a vehicle in which to be tested.

      I am presuming the procedure in Wisconsin is basically the same as in CA.

      1. based on what I have seen from the Democratic People's Republic of California when it comes to driver laws (lane splitting being the ONLY sane exception) it would be unwise to assume CA is like any other state.

        1. From the WI DMV website:

          Valid or Expired Out-of-State Licenses
          You'll need to:
          Surrender your out-of-state license.
          Take the vision exam.
          Take the written and driving exams ONLY if your license is expired more than 8 years.

          You'll receive the Class D probationary license* IF any of the following applies to you:
          You're younger than 21 years old.
          You have fewer than 3 years driving experience.
          Your out-of-state license is expired more than 6 months.

          Otherwise, you'll receive a full Class D driver's license.

          WI probationary licenses are for two years from you next birthday, so if he had gotten one it wouldn't become a full license until January of 2018. This would seem to imply that his MD license was still valid, or only just invalid when he moved (since you are required to get a WI license within 60 days of moving to WI).

    2. Gosh, I wonder what the liability premiums are, on a big, heavy SUV piloted by a neurologically 100% disabled dude are. Because of course he told his insurance company how he has STAGE ELEVENTY PORKINSONS, didn't he?

      Because, insurance fraud, that's one of them there felonies. Like disability fraud, come to think of it. I wonder which one carries the worst penalty, because he's apparently guilty of one or the other.

    1. BPO
      He would have to involve his current doctor, which we know he does not have in Wisconsin yet.

      I wonder if he was required to take the Wisconsin drivers exam? If he moved into Wisconsin without a valid operators license he could be required to take both written and driving exams to get a valid Wisconsin Drivers license. However, if he arrived in Wisconsin last year with a valid Maryland drivers license he could avoid the exams. More valid questions that must be answered by the Cabin Boy.

    1. Meh, it’ was supposed to be this

      but even wrapping in it in tag didn’t help

  4. Hey Bill "Krendler's Bitch" Schmalfeldt...............tell us about your 17 year old Ford Explorer. Where did you get the money to purchase such a large asset, while at the same time being a court approved pauper? These are legitimate questions, allowed by Wisconsin Statute, into current and future litigation involving your assets. So you better answer these very important questions now, so that you might be able to 'cut a deal' and help yourself. But lets be clear.............I WANT IT ALL BILL

  5. Oh dear...

      1. http://static.tumblr.com/fce46640a1367cad3fd1932c17242863/2r0bpqg/Y1Imiuxpk/tumblr_static_abc_oh_dear.gif

        1. Because TMZ isn't hosted on WordPress any longer, you need to use correct HTML tags to embed images in comments.

          < img src="your URL goes here"/ >

          Remove the spaces before and after the brackets.

  6. I THINK that's the 2-door sport model. Makes sense- No kids to carry around; no friends either (*twist*). Kelley Blue Book says fair market is $1,359 to $2,384. Suggested retail is $2,158 and, yes, all prices are for the St Francis area.

    Hatchback is optimized for sliding cases of JWR in and out and that mitigates the EVIL of driving a Gaia-destroying SUV. Some. A little. As Glenn Reynolds says, "I'll believe it's global warming when..."

    1. PS-

      1. Yo' Shakes, before you sue Kelley to get my IP address please know that it will only lead you to my cutout: Carlos Danger

      2. All the rest of you surely realize that the 2-door requires sliding one of the front seats forward in order to get in and out of the back seats. Crawling in and out is not a problem for children. Or midgets.

      3. In addition to boxes of JWR, there's enough room in the back to carry camping gear. Ample documentation on that angle elsewhere, or so I'm told. Kinda' scary how it all comes together isn't it?

      1. I understand why Duct-Tape is on the camping gear checklist, but why the bleach?

  7. The wheels on the bus are flying off,
    Flying off
    Flying off
    the wheels on the bus are flying off
    all around the Clown...

  8. Does the Wisconsin DMV have a means of reporting someone's medical condition anonymously, to get a driving risk off the road and their license yanked?

    1. You'd have to call all of them, and given privacy laws none would be allowed to confirm or deny that he had coverage.

      No, what's going to happen if there's an accident that involves lawyers is someone is going to at least do a Google search and discover that he's stated publically that he can't drive due to a debilitating condition. At that point, one of two things is likely to happen: They cancel his policy citing fraud when he obtained it (I'm sure it asks somewhere if you have a medical condition that prevents safe driving) or he'll have a medical exam that shows he was never disabled.

      1. Or both. Embrace the...

        You know the rest.

        Incidentally, it's easy to find out the names of all insurance companies in Wisconsin licensed by the state to sell auto insurance. They are all FASCINATED by reported insurance fraud...and pretty good at stonewalling those who have defrauded them, so there's your anonymity...

        That, a few minutes at the Kinko's, a couple bucks of postage, and Bill's my cousin!

        (AND Bob's yer uncle!)

        1. The Bobber's your uncle?

          Roy, is the Schmalfeldt family tree kinda more like a wreath?

        2. On occasion, Dr. Mike. I was working on a portion of it, a few years back, and discovered three successive generations of first cousins marrying. They must have culled the runts and the feebs that resulted, as their descendants are ok...

  9. Crap! Dumbfuck really doesn't have Parkies! Should have kept up the disbelief and questioning.

    Also it totally ruins a joke I thought of. Maybe I can still get it in before his lack of Parkies gets around.

    What do you get when Dumbfuck DIAF? Shake and Bake.

  10. Wow. Just wow! A propos...

    1) I wonder if LiberalLad on OurTime has been DRIVING to his EPIC FAIL "dates". He mentioned "walking with a cane" in his profile. And so I wondered: "Hey, wait-uh-minutez, where's teh red VROOM, VROOM?!"

    2) If Billy owns those wheels, why didn't they show up on his In Forma Pauperis applicationS?

    3) Is Canticle and Juniper Courts aware of Billy's owning wheels? Or did Schmalfeldt lie to them about his assets, too?
    (And/or the State, if he's receiving housing benefits...)

    4) Nice to know that there could be some PROPERTY to repo and auction off when Hoge's civil suit gets a ma$$ive judgment...

    5) Any way to check on whether Billy has any driving citations/moving violations (obvious bathroom pun self-REDACTED :D)

    Great work, TMZ!


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