How To Select A Fake Name That Sounds Real

Choose one of the following (List A):

  • Brother
  • Sister
  • Mother
  • Father
  • Uncle
  • Aunt
  • Favorite Teacher
  • Best Friend

Choose one of the following (List B):

  • Best Friend
  • First Girlfriend/Boyfriend
  • Husband/Wife
  • Doctor
  • UPS Delivery Driver

Choose one of the following (List C):

  • Your Doctor
  • Your Dentist
  • The Nearest Street Name
  • Your Favorite President
  • Person you first” went all the way” with
  • Person you last “went all the way” with
  • Person you hate most in the world
  • Some random famous person

Use the three choices to fill in following sentence:

My fake name is the first name of (List A choice)’s (List B choice).  My fake last name is the last name of (List C choice).

So if I choose “Uncle” from list A, “Wife” from list B and “Favorite President” from list C, then my fake name would be my Uncle’s wife’s first name followed by my favorite President’s last name:

Kathy Marshall.

Don’t blame me if my favorite president was Harrison Ford in Air Force One.

Another example:  let’s say that someone chose “brother” from list A, “best friend” from List B, and “Person you first went all the way with” from list C.

They might wind up with “Bill Schmalfeldt” for a fake name…as unrealistic as that sounds.

There are four hard-and-fast rules to choosing a fake name:

  1. Never use your own first name
  2. Never use your own last name
  3. Never use a maiden name that existed more than two generations up your family tree.
  4. [REDACTED – this is my secret rule for making a fake name foolproof.  You want it? Hit the tip jar! – PK]

Breaking those rules is the mark of a TRUE DUMBFUCK.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

12 thoughts on “How To Select A Fake Name That Sounds Real”

  1. Of course, there are other ways to be classified as a depraved DUMBF5CK - for example, write repeatedly about urinating on children.

  2. My fake name is the first name of Mother’s UPS Delivery Driver. My fake last name is the last name of The Nearest Street Name. .
    Ben Over

    (ok i cheated a little he is the fedex delivery guy.)

    1. See, when I was doing this the plan was pick an instrument you can almost play, and add your name. Of course people figured it out after I noted on my website my other nickname, employer and town where I live. I know a guy who is still proud of his investigative skill on that faildoxx.

    1. Aaron Adams
      Billy Baroo
      Chester Chapman
      Dagwood Dickman
      Ernest Emingway!
      Frank Farmer

  3. Who needs a name when you're currently stuck inside a horse. Even if I had one, it would be pretty difficult to type.

  4. LOL, William Munko


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