GS-13 DUMBFUCK Needs Help With His Words Again

salary – noun

1. a fixed compensation periodically paid for regular work or services

dole – noun

1. a portion or allotment of money, food, etc., especially as given at regular intervals by a charity or for maintenance.

2. a dealing out or distributing, especially in charity.

4. any similar payment by a government to an unemployed person.

You see, DUMBFUCK – you don’t get a salary. You get a dole.

Because you are a failed writer, an unemployed broadcaster, an unfunny comic with no understanding of satire, a do-nothing, worthless charity case, dependent for your very existence on the largesse of your betters.

Oh, yeah. Just like you is exactly what any sane person wants to be:

  • Friendless and alone
  • Subject of nine orders of restraint in five states
  • Estranged from every last child you sired, and some that you didn’t
  • Famous only as a peerless cyberstalker and the butt of thousands of Internet jokes
  • Spending your days and nights scouring the Web for new reasons to be butthurt
  • A worthless failure at everything you have ever tried, especially pro se law

You’re right about one thing though…

I do not have the talent, the discipline or the will to do the hard work of ignoring the lessons of endlessly repeating the same mistakes over the course of a lifetime without learning a goddamn thing about how to become a better man.

You have cornered that market space. Congratulations.

But you came from a bloodline of failure, DUMBFUCK, so of course your natural talent won out and brought you where you are today: desperately trying and repeatedly failing to revenge yourself upon anyone who sees the truth of your lifelong failure and calls it what it is.

Now dance, you monkey.




Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

14 thoughts on “GS-13 DUMBFUCK Needs Help With His Words Again”

  1. *Applause*

    Well written and deadly accurate, Oh Prince of Parody (may DONATIONS and FUN be upon you always).

  2. Bravo! Bravo! Of course none of that will penetrate his skull because his ego won't allow him to admit what a fuck up he really is.

    Exactly how does a man claiming to make "almost 6 figures" end up in a seedy run down trailer? I could understand it if someone was stashing money away for a rainy day, but hell, they had to be taken to court to pay their bills so obviously the money wasn't being saved or spent wisely. Just seems.......queer.

    1. Bill Schmalfeldt doesn't attach the same meaning to "almost" in "almost 6 figures" as sane people do. Sociopaths like Bill Schmalfeldt gotta sociopath.

  3. "I am retired, you're paying my salary. You are a hack, never was that I wouldn't hire to write to write laundry instructions, @paulzkrendler" [emphasis added]

    "to write to write"?

    Isn't repeating yourself a sign of senility?

    Or is this some of that great GS-13 editing we've come to expect?

  4. "Oh, @paulzkrendler, I am a far better writer than you on my worst days than you will ever be. This is nothing new to you, thief/plagiarist."

    The first sentence reads like it was written by a fourth grader.

    It reads like Cousin Bill mashed together:

    "I am a far better writer than you, on my worst days."


    "I am a far better writer than you will ever be."

    Moron. He would have been hired as a GS-8 ("Hack Writer, JG"), had it not been for the five grade bumps he got for goldbricking in the Navy.

  5. Why would "Baby Dick" even need any laundry instructions. He shits and pisses himself - I hope he's throwing his underwear in the trash and buying new panties.

    1. Just a fair warning - last time I looked, Encyclopedia Dramatica was not the type of place to visit from work computers or when small children, special snowflakes, or your mom were present. But it is definitely entertaining.

    2. Might want to safe-link that:

  6. Damn Paul, not only will that leave a mark, but it will leave major scar tissue behind also!

  7. President Franklin Roosevelt would like Krendler call Bill's income a dole, I thought I would point that out.

  8. It occurs to me that every member of Team Kimbergarten is a lazy layabout just looking for a handout. None of them have real jobs. None of them ever showed any real talent. (They do get fired a bunch though) But then I found out they might just need a good de-worming.


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