GS-13 DUMBFUCK Needs Help With His Words Again

salary – noun

1. a fixed compensation periodically paid for regular work or services

dole – noun

1. a portion or allotment of money, food, etc., especially as given at regular intervals by a charity or for maintenance.

2. a dealing out or distributing, especially in charity.

4. any similar payment by a government to an unemployed person.

You see, DUMBFUCK – you don’t get a salary. You get a dole.

Because you are a failed writer, an unemployed broadcaster, an unfunny comic with no understanding of satire, a do-nothing, worthless charity case, dependent for your very existence on the largesse of your betters.

Oh, yeah. Just like you is exactly what any sane person wants to be:

  • Friendless and alone
  • Subject of nine orders of restraint in five states
  • Estranged from every last child you sired, and some that you didn’t
  • Famous only as a peerless cyberstalker and the butt of thousands of Internet jokes
  • Spending your days and nights scouring the Web for new reasons to be butthurt
  • A worthless failure at everything you have ever tried, especially pro se law

You’re right about one thing though…

I do not have the talent, the discipline or the will to do the hard work of ignoring the lessons of endlessly repeating the same mistakes over the course of a lifetime without learning a goddamn thing about how to become a better man.

You have cornered that market space. Congratulations.

But you came from a bloodline of failure, DUMBFUCK, so of course your natural talent won out and brought you where you are today: desperately trying and repeatedly failing to revenge yourself upon anyone who sees the truth of your lifelong failure and calls it what it is.

Now dance, you monkey.

monkey_dance

 

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

14 thoughts on “GS-13 DUMBFUCK Needs Help With His Words Again”

  1. *Applause*

    Well written and deadly accurate, Oh Prince of Parody (may DONATIONS and FUN be upon you always).

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  2. Bravo! Bravo! Of course none of that will penetrate his skull because his ego won't allow him to admit what a fuck up he really is.

    Exactly how does a man claiming to make "almost 6 figures" end up in a seedy run down trailer? I could understand it if someone was stashing money away for a rainy day, but hell, they had to be taken to court to pay their bills so obviously the money wasn't being saved or spent wisely. Just seems.......queer.

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    1. Bill Schmalfeldt doesn't attach the same meaning to "almost" in "almost 6 figures" as sane people do. Sociopaths like Bill Schmalfeldt gotta sociopath.

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  3. "I am retired, you're paying my salary. You are a hack, never was that I wouldn't hire to write to write laundry instructions, @paulzkrendler" [emphasis added]

    "to write to write"?

    Isn't repeating yourself a sign of senility?

    Or is this some of that great GS-13 editing we've come to expect?

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  4. "Oh, @paulzkrendler, I am a far better writer than you on my worst days than you will ever be. This is nothing new to you, thief/plagiarist."

    The first sentence reads like it was written by a fourth grader.

    It reads like Cousin Bill mashed together:

    "I am a far better writer than you, on my worst days."

    AND

    "I am a far better writer than you will ever be."

    Moron. He would have been hired as a GS-8 ("Hack Writer, JG"), had it not been for the five grade bumps he got for goldbricking in the Navy.

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  5. Why would "Baby Dick" even need any laundry instructions. He shits and pisses himself - I hope he's throwing his underwear in the trash and buying new panties.

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    1. Just a fair warning - last time I looked, Encyclopedia Dramatica was not the type of place to visit from work computers or when small children, special snowflakes, or your mom were present. But it is definitely entertaining.

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    2. Might want to safe-link that: http://archive.is/9p5gE

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  6. Damn Paul, not only will that leave a mark, but it will leave major scar tissue behind also!

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  7. President Franklin Roosevelt would like Krendler call Bill's income a dole, I thought I would point that out.

    http://www.oregonlive.com/opinion/index.ssf/2012/04/origins_of_entitlement_fdr_rej.html

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  8. It occurs to me that every member of Team Kimbergarten is a lazy layabout just looking for a handout. None of them have real jobs. None of them ever showed any real talent. (They do get fired a bunch though) But then I found out they might just need a good de-worming.

    http://motherboard.vice.com/read/southerners-werent-lazy-just-infected-with-hookworms-stereotype

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