Teh Muse…Is Upon Me!


I’m ready
You are standing on the curb
But the doors of my short bus haven’t closed yet
I move toward the door and the driver says
Sit down, DUMBFUCK, you haven’t learned
Your lesson yet
I want to leave this life
And be with you
You’re going where I can not go right now
I have to sue them for making my ass hurt so much,
And as much as I would love to hold your hand
And tell you stupid jokes because I’m as funny as Black Plague
The wireless mouse is not going to move itself
To find all the butthurt I need to convince a judge
That it’s a tort.
Remember the first time you flew in a plane?
Back when only certain people could afford to fly
And I sat with you at the gate.
You quivered with excitement.
I never did figure out
Where that buzzing sound was coming from.
And you waved goodbye as you walked through the door
With that funny bow-legged walk and crooked smile.
Now they’ve called your flight, and I’m not ready
For you to go. But I’m not the one taking this trip.
You are ready. That’s the important thing.
They’ve opened the door to the jetway.
Walk through, and don’t look back.
The cold never bothered me anyway.
I’m not ready to say goodbye, so I won’t.
We Germans have a much better way of sharing the sentiment.
“Oh, Internet , wie ich dich vermisst habe!”
Oh, Internet, how I’ve missed you!
It tears at my bowels that I won’t see you until then.
And I’ll have to clean up after myself.
But for now, I’m just not ready.
But there’s a terrific burrito stand just down the concourse
And that should take care of things.
I will be ready soon enough. When nature calls
My heart will fill with joy and my bowel with-
Well, never mind.
It will pour from my pooterhole and there will be no stopping it.
The upward thrust will send my heart
Soaring up to heaven,
Where it shall forever join with yours,
For I am cunning and St. Peter will have sympathy
On a poor, disabled, recently widowed
Viet Nam era Veteran who suffers from
Super Stress Exacerbated PARKINSON’S!!
The door closes. I switch on my iPad.
Damn. Fourteen percent remaining.
I rush to an outlet to plug in the charger.
My world nearly became empty and cold.
The sun’s glare through the window glimmers
On the iPad’s reflective screen.
I need to find a shady spot so I can see.
Outside I see an airplane vanish into a cloud.
What am I doing at the airport?
And wasn’t there a woman here?
What was that all about?

Bill Parvocampus
June 16, 2015
As My Tablet Lay Dying Next to Me


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

19 thoughts on “Teh Muse…Is Upon Me!”

        1. My, I guess PK hit a nerve. Unca Biwwy has no ability to admit that if he hadn't started attacking other people's families, no one would even say his wife's name. He's the one who weaponized her, using her as a shield whenever his Parkinson's, disabled-Vet schtick failed to give him the victim status he demanded.

          And the humor has nothing to do with his wife's memory, (not that anyone has profaned it except Bill), but rather with a good jab at a piece of rather maudlin and pedestrian prose.

    1. [URL=http://media.photobucket.com/user/frado52/media/muhaaaha-10.gif.html][IMG]http://i1176.photobucket.com/albums/x339/frado52/muhaaaha-10.gif[/IMG][/URL]

  1. "Outside I see an airplane vanish into a cloud."

    Did the cloud say anything to him?

    1. An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.

      "I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.

      "But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times."

      He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, has many friends and much good humor, works hard and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and and only enough to win.

      "But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will send him into a fit of butthurt and monkeydancing. He goes out of his way find butthurt so that he can monkeydance because he secretly likes it. He fights everyone, and always loses, all the time, for pointless reasons he has to make up. He cannot think straight, because his anger and hatred are so great. It is a helpless anger, for it changes nothing.
      Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside of you, for both of them try to dominate your spirit."
      The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one will win, Grandfather?"
      The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one you feed."

      1. And as you keep feeding one, it gets stronger making it easier to ignore the other.

        I'm going to guess that Unca Biwwy has been feeding his angry wolf for so long, the harmonious wolf has no strength left in it.

      2. You are the one feeding the hate, pig. And you are the one who will deal with the shit you create. You really think you're gonna get away with sending that photo on top of all the other vile defamation?

        1. DUMBFUCK, please understand something, and I mean this the most sincere and heartfelt way possible:

          You really missed out on trading your particular psychosis and its value as perhaps a dozen potential doctoral theses in exchange for a lifetime of free therapy.

          But it's not to late to get help. Please look into it.

        2. Allegory comprehension FAIL. Why am I not surprised?

  2. Isn't this the third version of events he's given?

    The important thing is he didn't let a little thing like spousal death interfere with his coffee-pot shopping. Such stoicism. We salute you sir.


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