Presenting The Universal Internet Legal Website-to-Bill Schmalfeldt Translator

If an Internet Legal Website (such as AVVO or JustAnswer) says “(fill in the blank, and it really doesn’t matter what’s in the blank)”

…it translates to…

“You’re fucked.  You probably don’t believe me, but I’m right.  I’ll be over here laughing, eating popcorn and waiting for the inevitable.”

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

23 thoughts on “Presenting The Universal Internet Legal Website-to-Bill Schmalfeldt Translator”

  1. hahaha But then the FAIL-whale rewords the question, or supplements the totally irrelevant info given, to try to get a different answer.

    o/t Did you know Gloria Allred is unemployed? And using schmalogic, I suppose Bill Gates is too.

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    1. This^! Teh Blab is desperately seeking to match his hero's score against Aaron, and probably thinks getting him bounced from this case is as good as getting him fired....

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  2. EVERY single question he has asked should have been asked & answered BEFORE filing this bullshit suit!! How can he continue to make these massive mistakes time after time and suit after suit?? It's good to know his suit is already having negative effects on him. Just wait [REDACTED--PK] because he will be scooterpuff(it's red vroom vroom) less, tin casa less, g13 pension less and social security check less. He will really be losing sleep when he is without his remaining assets. Filing frivolous lawsuits for butthurt should cost him.

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  3. Ya know, for someone who appears to think so little of "unemployed" lawyers, he sure does depend on them for legal advice.

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    1. Beat me to it.

      So he's paying lawyers, but instead one one who will craft a legal pleading that will stand muster (or tell him "Butthurt isn't a tort in this country, at least yet."), he'll dribble a bunch out to "self-help" legal sites and tell them slanted/untrue things so he can think he's right.

      Though at least the past couple of days have been much better in that regard than previously.

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  4. I'm still trying to understand why the lawyers on AVVO and JustAnswers have yet to tell him, "Yeah, flood the court with a bunch of butthurt motions and that will get the opposing attorney thrown off the case!"

    I mean, he's paying them for answers he wants!

    http://i.imgur.com/PeQxHvI.jpg

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  5. The Mayo'd One is a special snowflake...so special we can't do anything but laugh and eat popcorn!

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    1. So he shows us a cartoon of what's up his ass? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!

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    2. What the fuck does that even mean? A mouse with a penis for a tail?

      Schmalbalz, take your fat drunken ass to bed and lay awake thinking about how totally legally fucked you are because your such a colossal dumbfuck.

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  6. Not only should Witless Willie have asked questions like this before bringing suit, but he should have paid attention to the answers he did receive (which, if you put them in the context of his slanted questions, were frequently cogent). Notice that he is still asking whether a lawyer in Virginia can represent parties resident in North Carolina and Tennessee in a case brought in Wisconsin. He invested a lot in the fantasy that no lawyer would be able to represent the defendants, who would then have to default.

    I'd be fascinated to know how much of his legal advice came from people whose first-hand knowledge of the law came from having been incarcerated.

    So here he is contending against a lawyer with time on his hands, no reason whatsoever to cut Willie any slack, and a research assistant who has proven himself to be meticulous and thorough.

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    1. Notice that he is still asking whether a lawyer in Virginia can represent parties resident in North Carolina and Tennessee in a case brought in Wisconsin.

      Amazing. In 228 years, there never was any lawsuit that ever was against anybody in another state with another party from another state! You'd have to have a lawyer practicing in every state! (Like, err, the Randazza firm? Uh, oh. Oopsie Poopsie.)

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  7. I've noticed a few "Thanks for the nice tip" comments. I wonder exactly how much he's spent on internet lawyers so far? And why pay them if you aren't going to tell them the truth? It would have been much cheaper in the long run for him to pay to sit down with a lawyer in person and lay out what he had. He would have been told to fold his tent and leave long ago. But the World's Stupidest Man™ just keeps on stumbling into court and fucking himself.

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      1. He's not paying for the service or the advice...he's paying for someone to be nice to him.

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        1. Right, and I forgot the qualification that he'd have to remember not to be so cheap as to use a stage in front of an audience in order to avoid paying a working girl a living wage.

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