How Would A Copy Editor React To This “News Article From A Trained Journalist?”

Well, after throwing up in his or her wastebasket and chewing on a few Altoids, probably a little something like this:

CaptureBut DUMBFUCK gotta DUMBFUCK, so just fucking give up, publish it and start sending out resumés.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

15 thoughts on “How Would A Copy Editor React To This “News Article From A Trained Journalist?””

  1. Hey, remember when the "trained journalist" told the world he was hanging it up because his dementia had progressed to a point where his recollections could no longer be trusted?

    Yes, yes. He even went so far as to issue each of us a big grain of salt with which we were to take his future writings.

    Good times, good times.

    1. A link to this might be legally probative to certain Defendants, and other Plaintiffs, at some point.

    2. Hey! I didn't get a grain of salt! I want one right now! And as long as you're sending that along, you might want to get a move on with that gypsy curse you promised me.

  2. Enjoyed this. Reminds me of some of the old "Mad Magazine" one-pagers, like "How to Read an Airline Menu." 🙂

  3. I doubt that even the judge believed she would prevent Witless Willie from trash talking on the Internet. And it really makes no difference because it exposes for the world to see just how witless Witless really is.

    A so-called professional writer undertakes to carry on a lawsuit without SEEMING to be able to distinguish between a pleading and a motion. Is that ignorance or incompetence (no it is not both)? A so-called reporter misses the really significant things completely.

    The plaintiff asked to have the motion to disqualify defendants' counsel decided first. It wasn't.

    In fact, the motion hasn't been decided at all, but in the meantime the defendants counsel is still on the case.

    Plaintiff also asked for summary judgment. It wasn't granted.

    What is going to happen is that the judge Will decide on the motion to dismiss for lack of jurisdiction, which is exactly what would have happened if Witless had not filed everything he has filed during March. They were filings "full of sound and fury, a tale told by an idiot, signifying nothing."

  4. Honestly, you weren't as blunt as my editor would have been. Blue would have been DRIPPING from the article. (Newspapers don't use red, they use a special blue one because you can still send it to the back room and have the negative taken properly if you choose not to change what you marked up.)

  5. A real journalist wouldn't write his own story. Of course, Bill knows no reputable journalists, so this is the best he as to work with.

  6. The second sentence sure could use a subject. The third is wanting for a verb. Editing!!

  7. Witless Willie is not a terrible writer; rather, he is a very lazy and egocentric writer. Or to put it a different way, he could be a decent writer if he ever labored at the craft. He does not seem to dream that the secret of good writing lies in rewriting, frequently several times. It is in that process that errors in grammar, infelicities of style, lapses in argument, and failures of taste can be caught.

    "Virgin baby blood" is an example. He was looking for an image intended to be shocking. The reason that alluding to the historically real sacrifice of virgins resonates emotionally, despite its overuse, is that the purposeless death of the presumptively innocent is appalling. And the exact same reactions are induced by mentioning the sacrifice of infants. Combining two once powerful but now quite stale tropes may freshen them with reinvigorated power. Sometimes such creative flashes work; most of the time they do not. "Virgin babies" seems at first merely so redundant as to be odd. But the intended emotional effect is lost as the reader's attention is diverted to parsing the oddity logically. Moreover, some readers will feel an unintended emotional effect as they wonder, fairly or unfairly, about the sexual proclivities and activities of someone who must distinguish between babies who are virgins and those who are not.

    Perhaps Witless did not even attempt to rewrite the text containing "virgin baby blood." Or perhaps he did try to rewrite, but rewriting successfully requires self-criticism, an ability to look at your creation coldly from the viewpoint of a potentially neutral reader. His reaction to criticism is rage, and I doubt he can easily imagine any reader being neutral toward his charming self.

  8. “I believe that admonition apples to both of us and not just to me,” I said. “I don’t believe I have made any ad hominem attacks, ad hominem meaning ‘at the person.’ The things Mr. Walker refers to as ‘ad hominem attacks’ I believe are ‘statements of facts.'”

    If that is an accurate quote, I am surprised that BS did not get held in contempt of court. Judges have no sense of humor when it comes to back talk.


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