And The Wind Cries Randazza



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Why with prejudice? Why do that to yourself? I want to support you (with anything but money and actual good wishes) but every time you play pretend lawyer I wind up watching you pound your dick with a meat tenderizer and then roll it in salt, lemon juice and mustard. Before it ever gets to a legal resolution, you know you’re going to fuck up, cut and run; THEY know you’re going to fuck up, cut and run; hell, I KNOW you’re going to fuck up, cut and run! This is why they continue to mock you without worrying about consequences…because you’re an idiot, a coward and a loser. “Start and surrender” is not a viable legal tactic. “Pay a lawyer who is ten times smarter than you” is. All you’re doing is transparently trying too hard to paint yourself as the victim of the people you stalk. Quit it.

For one thing, I have no idea who you are, William-With-The-Tell, and you can be sure that you would be doxed already if your IP address was and not some anonymizer service in Amsterdam. So I have no idea why you are so aggravated by a decision I made to steal a big pile of towels to clean up the strategic load I dropped after I was contacted by dim Dianna Deeley’s lawyer in an extortionate attempt to get me to drop the whole suit. I am fighting this all by myself, with no help from anyone because everyone but me can see what an obviously frivolous and vexatious lost cause this is.

I dropped the dim girls with prejudice because I am NOT going to spend another wasted afternoon pouring kitty litter all over the floor and spraying gallons of Febreze to wipe out the smell of fear pee and failure vomit from the Mangina Cave! The rug people came this morning and my nice $7.99 K-Mart Blue Lite Special is completely ruined!

Are you going to pay to replace that?

I put Grady in the on deck circle for now because he was devastating in his responses last year. As a non-party, Grady loses the right to offer a pleading until such time as he is properly identified as Krendler, which he will be in the discovery process that this suit will never ever reach. Even though I’m certain he is Krendler, it’s a little problematic proving it what with the fact that I have also accused about a dozen other people of being Krendler, many times in other sworn court documents, and some as recently as a month ago, AFTER I filed this suit. He was dismissed WITHOUT prejudice, so he can be called back any time I have the goods on him. Isn’t it Pressshhhious


how, even after getting stripped to my skivvies and paddled by judges time after time after time, I continue to behave as if I understand the law? Ain’t I just the cutest goddam thing? I mean, it’s not like what the Randazza Law Firm told me about the whole suit getting dismissed won’t happen anyway, I’m just proceeding on my vexatious, frivolous way until that inevitable humiliating failure comes to pass. But in the meantime, I have Eric Johnson who I need to get revenge on for trying to get me kicked out of my apartment complex with tales about my child pornography, and also I need retribution from Sarah Palmer who presented a lot of sound evidence to a court about harassing emails and contact with her estranged husband and blog posts I wrote after receiving a cease and desist order and because she banned me from responding to her hate blog, Billy Sez which is so hatefully hateful that I can’t stop visiting every day to bathe in the hate that causes the stress which EXACERBATES MY LATE STAGE ELEVENTY PARKINSONS!! But let’s not be so short-sighted. This is not going to be settled any time soon, because I have made clear through my past behavior that I will continue to harass anyone who settles with me.  Isn’t that right, Hoggy? And it will result in my getting crushed by everyone that I make the mistake of suing for what remains of my pointless and miserable life. No one takes me seriously. Scott Hinckley and John Hoge and David Edgren scare me so bad that the Mangina Cave spins like a four bottle Johnnie Blackout hangover.

No…that actually WAS a four bottle Johnnie Blackout hangover.

The best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time, raw and unwashed, pizzle first, so I can die screaming in pain from some vile gastric infection and bring joy to the people I have been foolish enough to sue this time around. 

And Becky. 

This is the beginning, the end is not in sight, but when it comes, with me bleeding from my eyeballs to my toenails and staggering across a courtroom like a monkey trying to fuck a football, it will be WHOLLY GLORIOUS, just like in the Navy at Subic Bay, even though there seemed to be some role reversal going on there.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah.

Let them continue mocking me. [Like I need your permission – PK] They only add grist to the mill, evidence to the pile, poop flakes to the beard. More harassment? As soon as they are positively identified, they go on the docket. Because that’s how things have ALWAYS worked here at ACME Law in the District of Pretendyland, Eastern Division. We have always been at war with Eastasia.

Wanna help and not just bitch about my decisions, Bill-With-A-Tell who is totally not me? Use whatever resources you may have available to run your scooty-puff (It’s red. Vroom, VROOM!) down to ILLINOIS and sneak up on Patrick Grady and take a picture of him writing one of those posts at Thinking Man’s Zombie that are always so much funnier than Cub Scout Rape for some reason. Because I know it’s him. But he’s got to stay on the sidelines where he can’t embarrass me in front of another federal judge by telling her that I have restraining orders against me in 10% of the United States now, including one from him. Say, that’s probably some kind of record, isn’t it?

Gail, get the Guinness Book Of World Records on the phone!



Never mind.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

38 thoughts on “And The Wind Cries Randazza”

  1. I want to support you (with anything but money and actual good wishes) but every time you play pretend lawyer I wind up watching you pound your dick with a meat tenderizer and then roll it in salt, lemon juice and mustard.

    That just makes the inevitable mayo feel that much better.

  2. Well, he did tell everyone to get lawyers, didn't he?

    Hey, isn't Randazza Law a national firm? It might prove hilarious if the remaining named defendants retain them on Dianna's referral. Years from now, our ancestors will be speaking of the Great St. Francis Flood of '16, which drowned dozens of nuns and ruined Lake Michigan for centuries to come.

    Future generations of legal scholars will read the many Schmalfeldt Lulzsuits, with their misspellings; grammatical errors and hallucinatory interpretations of logic and law; and wonder how the Republic withstood the stupid, standing free. As it is, the ignorance and belligerence contained within them are legendary among the legal community.

    Of course, that assumes that the Republic actually does withstand the stupid, which is itself a leap. It isn't outside the realm of possibility that William can turn the time-honored practice of law into a dystopian nightmare from the third act of "Planet of the Apes" all by himself.

    Of course, he'll still lose because that's what he's biologically engineered to do.

    1. And if he ever does figure out how to properly serve the remaining defendants, William should send the papers encased in lead, just in case stupidity is contagious. I'm sure that he wouldn't want to face allegations of "biological warfare."

    2. If Randazza really is in on this, then DUMBFUCK is fucked beyond belief.

      Put it this way: you remember the gauntlet lawyer-Dave threw down a few weeks back?

      Randazza is even more badass.

      Must. Buy. Popcorn.

      1. Dianna:

        Brilliant, just brilliant.

        I hope one day we get to see the correspondence, but having seen plenty of Randazza's previous, I can imagine.
        And I can imagine the bluster and fear on the other end.

        Ironic in a way, Schmalfeldt wants to have the sort of reputation of Randazza, but even when dealing with a icon, failed to note *how* that sort of respect works. (Which is again to be expected, as shown by his DD-214 and resume.)

    3. You raise a valid question: Is he a biologically engineered weapon put on this world to create chaos and strife wherever he goes?

      The evidence to date suggests perhaps he is:
      -survives on a diet incompatible with human life ie: mayo, foot longs, dirty schnitzel and JWR
      -impervious to human reasoning or logic
      -continually attacks in defiance of all sense and judgment.
      -capable of emitting enormous quantities of repellent fluid as a defensive mechanism when threatened.

      I think the question needs to be asked and someone should cue up the acquisition team at Area 51.

  3. As Shakespeare wrote in "The Tempest," "What's past is prologue."

    Who cares for the legion of lonely lulzsuits once they're abandoned by their crazed creator? Are they afraid as they whimper and die alone? Do they feel anything at all? Or do they survive on the sheer power of their own stupid for a time, wandering the countryside and terrorizing the villagers?

    I may have to write a novel about them to find out. Where's my Johnnie Walker Red?

  4. I see The Pontificator has currently has a logo with a skull that says "GAME OVER." Probably the only time one of its blogs got it right, only that refers to The BLOB (the plaintiff in his LOLsuit) not the defendants.

    1. IMO all that logo does identify the one person in this whole saga who treats this business like its a game.

      Hard to think how to better guarantee you'll lose than to underestimate the stakes.

      1. Is William really going to make us republish his literally hundreds of premature declarations of legal victory from the recent past? Can't he spare himself that last little ounce of dignity and decency, or is his exhibitionist streak really that all-consuming?

        This is where I disagree with an earlier post here. While William's gluttony for footlongs and mayo is nothing short of legendary, his real hunger seems to be for punishment. Unlike most moral perverts, who would spring for a dominatrix and a diaper in the privacy of their own home, the Diminished Capacity Kid needs to make his own repeated disgraces a matter of public record.

        After all these months and these many, many lulzsuits, one thing is clear; Bill Schmalfeldt was born to lose and he'll die losing. That's not a prophecy as much as it is a statement of probable provable fact.

        And, yes, he shall, time after time, run away and hide when things don't precisely go his deluded way. This fiction about "starting a new life in Wisconsin" is precisely that, a fiction, underscored by his own words just last summer, at the conclusion of his last lulzsuit.

        That was in response to David Edgren's telling William how things were going to be if he perused the doomed and ridiculous Lulzsuit V. Schmalfeldt's initial response was a hysterical and utterly ignorant plea to law enforcement to help him sue his enemies in his preferred and lunatic manner, which was pointedly and properly ignored. Not three days ago, he hid like a little girl from the heroes at Randazza Law.

        If this pattern continues - and I have no doubt that it will - he'll keep moving west with each new humiliation until, by around Lulzsuit IX, he's finally in Cambodia, where the Cub Scouts don't complain quite as loudly.

        Then, one day, he'll day alone, his only memorial being the rest of humanity wondering how such a fat man can be so small.

        May the circle be unbroken.

        1. "...Can’t he spare himself that last little ounce of dignity and decency, or is his exhibitionist streak really that all-consuming? ..."

          The self-described HappyMyWifeDied TheMerryWidower certainly didn't spare SGotCU, and seemed to relish publicizing every mortifying detail of her final illness, each time she soiled herself, "urine up to her armpits" and more. And, of course, illustrating her final days with photos in her underwear, hospital gown, and the infamous death bed looking photo.

    1. "The mythical creature known as “Paul Krendler” is irrelevant to me. Once I identify him, then he becomes a real person. For now, he is a profane, filthy puppet."

      Really? "Once I identify him?"

      And that's just from one half of one page of my small archive. Others have much, much more. And that doesn't begin to address the multiple misidentifications in the previous five lulzsuits.

      Isn't it awfully early to be this drunk?

      1. Moreover, Oliver Wendell Jones was so sure that Grady was Krendler that he used the sworn initial filing in Lulzsuit V to actually threaten physical violence against him, which greatly undermines his previous statements of being "completely disabled."

      2. "But he does amuse. Today’s Plea for Relevancy, for instance."

        I'll overlook for a moment, the fact someone who isn't relevant by almost by definition can't injure the reputation of anyone, largely because my soul overflows with charity and because I'm busy for the rest of the day.

        What a DUMBFUCK.

    2. If one is going to write a parody of another's parody, it's best to start out with a clear idea of what one is trying to accomplish.

      That screed is incoherent.

    1. For putting up with that crazy, self-aggrandizing for nearly three decades, Gail probably WAS a saint.

  5. Even more legal genius moves from Bill "Stolen Valor" Schmalfeldt.

    1. Probably should mention that the IRS was NOT investigating, they were sitting on the application like they did for hundreds of other conservative groups.

      Bill "Stolen Valor" Schmalfeldt, serial liar.

      1. The IRS of statute and case law cannot divulge to a non interest party if someone is under investigation - lie number 13,856

  6. Your Educational Video Of The Day:

    1. I wonder how all that "extra" weight effects his Parkinson's, and vice verse? I've read that IF one has serious medical condition, adding pounds and pounds of fat only complicates that condition.

  7. Ye gods. Marc Randazza.

    Bill, if you're reading this: Eject. Seriously. Drop ALL the suits. Randazza is not some gifted amateur or retired lawyer. He's a wrecking ball shaped like a free-speech advocate. Better equipped groups have gone up against him and lost.

      1. Ones who got their law degree from going to law school, and passed the bar and everything, not just got lucky with a Cracker Jack box.

        Ones who even managed to state a tort in their briefs!

      1. Actually, that is a trait of many good lawyers. You should hear my business law prof practically giggle talking about the guy they sent into bankruptcy and had committed (several times each) while fulfilling the client's request to make him "go away"

      2. Oh, my lawyers get *do* get that excited glint in their eyes every time we sit down to review Cousin's latest exploits.

        I fully expect giggles, guffaws, backslapping, and "squeee" noises when they actually get to engage.

        I let them know that Randazza had become involved...


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