Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Apparently the DUMBFUCK leopard is trying to change its spots again.  

I wonder how it will turn out this time.

For those among you who can’t process the teeny picture above…

I intend for this to be an upbeat, often humorous look at a serious subject. Over the weeks and months to come, we will talk to experts in the field of grief, surviving the death of a spouse, the unique challenges of being a man who outlived his wife, insurance issues, social security, and what NOT to say to a not-particularly-religious person on the occasion of the death of his spouse.

You know, this sounds like it could be an interesting if extraordinarily niche bit of media, except for just a few nagging bits:

  1. “Often humorous” – at first glance, I’m not convinced that horrible parody songs about widowerhood will resonate with your audience.  Also, how does Cub Scout rape fit in?
  2. Experts interested in selling books to an audience of three? Or will the experts all be a DUMBFUCK with a voice modulator?
  3. Most importantly, “weeks and months to come?” Doesn’t this imply that DUMBFUCK intends to stick with it? When has THAT ever happened before?



Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

19 thoughts on “Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!”

  1. Will "pooter holes" be featured and if so, how? Inquiring minds need to know, like me!

  2. I wonder if he has read the TOS.

    Don't publish content owned by others unless you have written permission. Also no plagiarism, spam, viruses, porn or any content that hurts listeners please.

    Section 7 paragraph E. is one that he is known historically not able to follow.
    for example:

    is obscene, indecent, offensive, libelous, hateful, racially or ethnically offensive, defamatory, unreasonably violent, threatening, intimidating, harassing, or features any illegal or pornographic content (including child pornography);

    is false or makes untrue statements that could damage anyone, including your listeners;

    1. What are the stages of DUMBFUCK?

      ... because pretty much all the St Francis Fungus has shown is terminal butthurt.

  3. "Unique challenges"? Does he imagine he's the first?

    But I will say I'm sorry his spouse died before he did.

  4. Didn't you know? Bill Schmalfeldt is the griefiest grieving griever evah!

    Nevermind that Bill Schmalfeldt was on the internet during the last moments of SGotCU. Forget that within minutes after her death, Bill Schmalfeldt was whining and complaining on the internet. No matter that within hours after, Bill Schmalfeldt interrupted its re-branding efforts to complain about getting rid of her stuff. After all, that was memory-holed months, and multiple new handles ago, and the internet isn't forever if it wishes it hard enough!

    Bill Schmalfeldt will now mock exploit the "often humorous" death of SGotCU, while remaining griefiest grieving griever evah!

  5. "Intend" is apt: Willie is not known for achieving anything. But his intentions in this case are so easy that even he may succeed for once.

    "Upbeat" of course is easy. For example, he mentions the proceeds from insurance. What could be more upbeat than a payment for no work on your part. The first thing to do is to skimp on the funeral expenses to maximize the profit. Forget about burial and a headstone: both are expensive and require effort. Get an urn and put it in your domicile. It not only saves money, but provides an incentive for the friends and family of the deceased to stop by and socialize. Furthermore, with a bit of forethought, you may find an urn that will allow double as a useful household appliance. (My wife likes to cook so I am already looking for an urn that is attached to a small food processor because, living alone, I shall need to chop and purée smaller quantities.)

    "Humorous" is a bit more difficult unless you despised your spouse. But look on the bright side: it's not you who died. And then there are the every day incidentals that perhaps did not seem funny at the time, but are so ludicrous in retrospect, like the time you spilled the bedpan.

    "We will talk." Oh goody, all of Willie's multiple personae will be contributing. And talking of insightful, I can't wait to hear Kimberlin discuss how he surpassed his grief over the death of Carl deLong by suing the widow.

    "The unique challenges of being a man who outlived his wife" is a rich topic indeed. How to make a sandwich, where is the local post office, and how to operate the dishwasher each deserve a day. Actually there are many different kinds of sandwich so that topic alone will take quite a few days. There will be no difficulty filling up weeks and months of time no matter what that zombie under the porch says. (What's that you're muttering, Ash: women who outlive their husbands have their own unique challenges. Too bad, you twats deserve them for not keeping your husbands alive.)

    "What NOT to say" to a widower is another rich topic. For example, it is inadvisable to say "I feel your pain in losing such a fabulous fuck, that little wiggle she did on the in-stroke will never be forgotten." I suggest that Willie get Howard as the expert on saying things that might not sit right with a recent widower.

    1. @JeffM - good fisking. I think it preps for spewing like this:

  6. Pre-grief to a DumbFuck is allowing a so-called loved one to drown in their on urine while conducting a flame war to play the victim. It made DumbFuck such a Happy Widower!


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