Measuring Sticks

It seems the pecker measuring contest that DUMBFUCK initiated yesterday doesn’t seem to be going well.  Try to hide your shocked faces.

For one thing, there aren’t many of us who measure success based on the number of dollars we collect for the things we do for the sheer FUN of it.

For some of us, FUN is the only reason, the only measurement and the only compensation we need.

Speaking for myself, I detest comparing dick size with dollar signs, not because I can’t but because it’s such a poor measuring stick (pun most definitely intended).  But, if that’s what we’re gonna do, then I guess that’s what we’re gonna do.

According to DUMBFUCK, “over the last few years,” it has sold 226 units of print or audiobooks and has pulled down a very strangely defined “profit” of $675.76.


I suppose it might be helpful to define some terms.  As an accounting term, profit or loss refers to the positive or negative difference between when the revenue gained from the sale of product and expense of bringing that product to market.  Here are a couple very simple examples.

  1. Walking down the street, I see a $20 bill on the sidewalk.  There is no one else around so I can’t tell who dropped this bill, or even if it blew to this spot from a couple blocks away.  It’s my lucky day!  I bend over and pick up the bill at no cost to myself.  My profit in this transaction is the $20 revenue less zero cost of effort, or $20.
  2. Joe is 13 and has a summer cash business mowing lawns.  One particular lawn is a half-acre lot, and he uses his father’s gasoline push mower and gas/oil weed whacker to do the job.  His father rents the tools out for $1 per tool per client.  He also buys his own gas and oil for fuel.  On this particular job Joe spends $2.50 on fuel, expends another $.50 on string for the weed whacker, and because it’s particularly hot on this particular day, he also brings a cooler with three bottles of ice water that he purchased for $2.  It takes Joe two hours to complete this lawn, and he charges the client $20.  So subtracting his total expenses of $7, his total profit on this particular job is a respectable $13.  But not really.
  3. Thomas has a summer cash business mowing lawns in another part of town.  He is 17 and this is his fifth summer.  From his previous profits, he has reinvested in a second-hand mower and a second hand weeder. He also has purchased a couple of shovels and a manual edger.  He has a client similar to Joe, with a half-acre lot.  His costs are almost the same: fuel, string, and water, but he saves $2 by owning his own tools.  Additionally, his several years of experience have made him faster, and have given him the ability to offer additional services.  He edges sidewalks and spreads mulch on flowerbeds if the client provides the mulch.  As a result, his time is more valuable than Joe’s.   He can provide more services in the same amount of time, and he can charge $35 for this job.  His $30 profit is much larger thanks to increased revenue and decreased costs.

Revenue is not profit, unless your costs are zero.

I only have two costs for this blog:  if you could call it a cost, one would be labor.  I don’t really consider it a cost, though.  That would be like calling drinking iced tea in the backyard hammock labor.  This isn’t what I have to do…this is what I GET to do.  The other cost is real.  $18 for hosting.

That’s my entire annual cost for getting this blog to market.

My product I give away for free.  It’s a great business model – conversation for the taking.  Pointage. Laughery. Mockification. Deploying the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.


Oddly enough, it turns out that if you can find and cultivate an audience, it’s very profitable, too!

I’ve had a PayPal button up since about the beginning of the year.  I have had a couple moments of need in that time, but generally I avoid the Stacy McCain “I write for money hit-the-freaking-tip-jar” model.  I have no problem with his attitude; he DOES write for money, and he does it very well.  I’m just fooling around trying to make folks laugh.

That said, in 2015 I have collected, after PayPal takes their cut, $1420.36. Or, just a bit more than double what DUMBFUCK claims to have earned with all his writing.  Minus my $18 costs, that’s over $1400 in profit in just about 9 months.

You people are very, very generous.  And I am very, very grateful.

Now, I’d like to go back to yesterday’s post for a moment. I noted that one of the simplest ways to frustrate a DUMBFUCK is by denying them the thing they want most.

If it isn’t clear by now that I have a quite profitable hobby in denying him respect, I should say it never will be.  But today I hope to frustrate a DUMBFUCK using a combination of two other methods.

One is ridicule.  The other is fundraising.

Below is the button for my PayPal account.  Also, a poll which is really a social experiment.  In the best tradition of American politics, I am hoping that you will vote with your bank accounts.

Even if you don’t (or can’t) vote with a dollar, I still value you (at less than a dollar 😀 ) as a reader and lurker/commenter. Please vote in the poll anyway.

PayPal - The safer, easier way to keep the undead from your door!

^^^Click here to donate!^^^


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

24 thoughts on “Measuring Sticks”

  1. Have a beer on me. I'll think about that will thing; main problem is the zombie issue.

      1. "Immediately"

        Fricking spell checker will correct correct words to nonsense, but doesn't trip on "immediacy", which is, of course, a valid, if uncommon, word.


  2. I donated twice. Once from the heart (sincerely) and then immediately after while sipping from my "Team Lickspittle" coffee mug, decided that Mr. Krendler deserved, at the very least, five of my hard earned dollars, so I donated $5. Take that, DF!

    Now, I'm feeling like I should have done more, so back I will go to donate another $5. This is fun!

  3. Cousin Bill belches:

    "It still amuses me that people sit, staring at my timeline in cat-like readiness waiting to SEIZE on anything I write and SCREENCAP it."

    Wrong. Unlike you, we have computer programs to scrape and archive your scribbles. No need to waste our time.

  4. Donated $20, which was far under my usual contribution.

    My reason: I'm off to Hogewash! to shop at The Hogewash Store. Gotta spread the love. Hope y'all do too. 😉

  5. Exactly -- if it's for fun, I don't expect a reward. If it's for money, what I expect from myself is such a high standard it's not (necessarily) fun anymore.

    And cash as a measure? Meh. My measures of success are internal.

    Shakes would be well-advised to adopt a similar attitude. If he considers what he's accomplished to be success, then he has no need to try to convince anyone else. Heck, he'd be best off never reading any of these sites ever again.

  6. The reward for my donation has been received upfront for eons now. Thank you for all your undead labours.

  7. Stick? Pun? C'mon, that's only GS-13 level humor. You can do better.

    Also "immediacy" is a perfectly cromulent word.

  8. He's probably playing the Krendler card. Drop everything then pop up a week later and yell Surprise! He's never been an original thinker and since he fell so hard for Krendler's gag he thinks everyone is stupid enough to do the same.

    1. Differences between DUMBFUCK and me: a) he ducks and rebrands 20 times a year and we ALWAYS know he'll be back; b) I did it in response to an incorrect conclusion drawn by him (at least it might have been incorrect...) and I did it to make him look a bigger fool (how did I do?)

      1. This rebranding may have been motivated by law enforcement

        Filing a potentially false claim with one jurisdiction and then possibly getting served with papers from another jurisdiction...........

      2. I wonder if you can really make him look like a bigger fool? He already has the top spot as the biggest fool we've ever seen for most of us. Unless you're increasing the audience that points and laughs at him, you really can't elevate him anymore.

      3. My money would be on contact from LE. Not asking for his help tracking someone else down.

        Oopsie Poopsie!


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