GS Was One Easy Muff Online, Or Something

On the Milwaukee Democrat-Bootlicker’s website, a video depicts a DB Online political reporter answering a reader question — “Assuming Gov. Scott Walker does not get the GOP nomination (safe assumption, according to some guy named Ed.) will he become the next Sarah Palin.

Politics reporter Jacob Marley and Holy GailYour Cub Scout Humple Editor come to the same conclusion.

“No.”

But we come to that conclusion by quite different paths. Marley is thoughtful, rational and logical. Your Cub Scout Humple Editor is Touched By A Clergyman.

Marley calls the Walker autopsy “a little premature.”

Coincidentally, my dearly departed caretaker used to say that a lot. Not that she wanted an autopsy, because she didn’t.  She used to say I was a little premature.  Or immature.  I forget.  She always sounded a little angry whenever she said it. Then she went to the truck stop to drink coffee and eat pork rinds for twelve hours.  Dunno what that was all about…

What was I saying again?

Marley suggests that Walker can come roaring back, and even if he doesn’t win, he’s STILL Governor of Wisconsin (goddammit!) and if a Republican wins, he could be in the cabinet and yada yada yada. (That’s a pro journomalist term for when you are too ignorant to understand a story or just can’t be bothered with it – don’t try this at home. Stick with “blah blah blah.”) With 141 counties in America (so far) with more registered voters than living citizens, no Republican could possibly win in 2016, just as it should be: if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying, as we say in Blue America!

“I don’t think he’s on a track to be the next Sarah Palin, I’m a little dubious of that, but that also doesn’t mean the nomination is a lock by any means,” Marley says.

Understatements like that before lunch tend to make your Cub Scout Humping Editor’s limp, useless noodle a little itchy.

Let’s explore the REAL reasons why Scotty will never reach Sarah Palin status.

SARAH — Looks like the mean cheerleader gang that dumped buckets of pig’s blood on me at my high school prom.

SCOTT — Lacks the ability to tell obvious and disprovable lies with a straight face like typical Democrats Hillary Clinton and Your Slurring Stumbling Editor.

SARAH — Widely adored by people across this great land of ours that is America, who are not scared of icky slimy girls thinking for themselves and not humiliating themselves at truck stops on a nightly basis.

SCOTT — Showed the guts of a gambler when he stood down the Democrats of the Wisconsin Legislature who slunk into Illinois like cowards in the night to prevent a vote that would eventually gut public union power in the Birthplace of Progressivism.

SARAH — Say what you will about her politics. She is a MILF (my favorite kind of pr0n, especially if they’re bound and gagged like they ALL SHOULD BE!!). Yay, TOLERANCE!

SCOTT — That “just smacked between the eyes with a two-by-four” expression will not serve him any better than it serves your Scout Slurping Editor, with the only difference being that the Bobo actually did catch me about once a week with a fence post, which mig”ht explain? my problems: with punktuation”.

There are many more reasons. But… as I said… I haven’t had lunch yet.

Speaking of which, I have this big new jar of mayonnaise and a bulk package of footlongs from Sam’s Club.  Sadly, there’s no one to lick up what I “accidentally” (wink, wink!) spill on myself.

I miss Shlomo and Blackie.

I hope they found a good home with Chu Dat Dong, the owner of my favorite Korean BBQ place back in Maryland. She was happy to take them, even offered twenty bucks.

She said her customers were sure to love them.

…and something about spareribs…

 

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

THE PRECEDING MAY OR MAY NOT BE A PARODY OF A POST THAT MAY OR MAY NOT EXIST ON A BLOG THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE FOUND BY IDLY BOUNCING AROUND THE WEB LOOKING FOR UNINTENTIONALLY STUPID SHIT.  I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE A LINK TO THE ORIGINAL POST (WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT EXIST) SAVED SOMEWHERE.  THE AUTHOR OF THAT HYPOTHETICAL SOURCE POST MAY OR MAY NOT THINK HE OR SHE IS ANONYMOUS. HE OR SHE MAY OR MAY NOT BE WRONG. 

IF I PROVIDE THE POSSIBLY NONEXISTENT LINK  TO THAT POSSIBLY NONEXISTENT POST, YOU MAY OR MAY NOT CLICK THAT LINK.  THAT WOULD ONLY ENCOURAGE HIM OR HER.

INSTEAD, I SUGGEST YOU FIND A LAKE AND SIT BESIDE IT.  THINK ABOUT WHERE YOU MIGHT FIND A PERSON WHO MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT WRITE SUCH A PIECE OF DRIVEL THAT ANYONE COULD SO EASILY MOCK.  I ENCOURAGE YOU:  BE INQUISITIVE, LIKE TORQUEMADA.  NO ONE EXPECTS A LAKESIDE INQUISITION!

THEN, IF YOU FIND OR DON’T FIND, THIS POST WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT EXIST, ON A BLOG THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE FOUND WITH ABOUT THIRTY SECONDS OF LOOKING ABOUT, YOU COULD ARCHIVE IT.  UNLESS THAT’S ALREADY BEEN DONE.

WHO KNOWS?

 

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

4 thoughts on “GS Was One Easy Muff Online, Or Something”

  1. There was a PORNER from MARYLAND
    Was kicked out of the pink can by Another man

    His wife had passed and gave him the gas
    to get out of her families terrarium

    As this was all happening, the filthy clown decided
    That others were responsible for his lack of life provided

    So he decided to sue, oh yes he threatened and spewed
    he filed a lawsuit at a family to two

    you see those Dairies and cheeseheads laughed at his threats
    and a decade later they still had him best

    Because people who feel that raping scouts had no appeal
    didn't understand why it was another mans deal

    The Nots and HAve nots, laughed at his threats
    and satirically pealed back the mask of this pest

    So unwisely the Porner fled to DAIRLYLAND
    Where men of Wisdom, honor and glory

    are awaiting the wheels that grind ever slowly

    Yes he is a genius, of one such the luck
    After an imaginary career as a hero and such

    He violated the statutes that govern us all
    and ran from his own lawsuit, because it was flawed

    Rapers in fiction of children and women
    have no distinction from criminals and villains

    Now he is sitting in taxpayers haven
    But no more no more quote the raven

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  2. You would think that a man who had gotten his ass kicked from one end of the internet to another, who was made to look foolish daily, who had his lies exposed for the world to see when he last decided to start blowing his bullshit about Walker would have learned to maybe keep his yap shut. Especially when he might be spewing really stupid shit. As he usually does. Some people never learn I guess.

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