On the Milwaukee Democrat-Bootlicker’s website, a video depicts a DB Online political reporter answering a reader question — “Assuming Gov. Scott Walker does not get the GOP nomination (safe assumption, according to some guy named Ed.) will he become the next Sarah Palin.
Politics reporter Jacob Marley and Your Cub Scout Humple Editor come to the same conclusion.
But we come to that conclusion by quite different paths. Marley is thoughtful, rational and logical. Your Cub Scout Humple Editor is Touched By A Clergyman.
Marley calls the Walker autopsy “a little premature.”
Coincidentally, my dearly departed caretaker used to say that a lot. Not that she wanted an autopsy, because she didn’t. She used to say I was a little premature. Or immature. I forget. She always sounded a little angry whenever she said it. Then she went to the truck stop to drink coffee and eat pork rinds for twelve hours. Dunno what that was all about…
What was I saying again?
Marley suggests that Walker can come roaring back, and even if he doesn’t win, he’s STILL Governor of Wisconsin (goddammit!) and if a Republican wins, he could be in the cabinet and yada yada yada. (That’s a pro journomalist term for when you are too ignorant to understand a story or just can’t be bothered with it – don’t try this at home. Stick with “blah blah blah.”) With 141 counties in America (so far) with more registered voters than living citizens, no Republican could possibly win in 2016, just as it should be: if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying, as we say in Blue America!
“I don’t think he’s on a track to be the next Sarah Palin, I’m a little dubious of that, but that also doesn’t mean the nomination is a lock by any means,” Marley says.
Understatements like that before lunch tend to make your Cub Scout Humping Editor’s limp, useless noodle a little itchy.
Let’s explore the REAL reasons why Scotty will never reach Sarah Palin status.
SARAH — Looks like the mean cheerleader gang that dumped buckets of pig’s blood on me at my high school prom.
SCOTT — Lacks the ability to tell obvious and disprovable lies with a straight face like typical Democrats Hillary Clinton and Your Slurring Stumbling Editor.
SARAH — Widely adored by people across this great land of ours that is America, who are not scared of icky slimy girls thinking for themselves and not humiliating themselves at truck stops on a nightly basis.
SCOTT — Showed the guts of a gambler when he stood down the Democrats of the Wisconsin Legislature who slunk into Illinois like cowards in the night to prevent a vote that would eventually gut public union power in the Birthplace of Progressivism.
SARAH — Say what you will about her politics. She is a MILF (my favorite kind of pr0n, especially if they’re bound and gagged like they ALL SHOULD BE!!). Yay, TOLERANCE!
SCOTT — That “just smacked between the eyes with a two-by-four” expression will not serve him any better than it serves your Scout Slurping Editor, with the only difference being that the Bobo actually did catch me about once a week with a fence post, which mig”ht explain? my problems: with punktuation”.
There are many more reasons. But… as I said… I haven’t had lunch yet.
Speaking of which, I have this big new jar of mayonnaise and a bulk package of footlongs from Sam’s Club. Sadly, there’s no one to lick up what I “accidentally” (wink, wink!) spill on myself.
I miss Shlomo and Blackie.
I hope they found a good home with Chu Dat Dong, the owner of my favorite Korean BBQ place back in Maryland. She was happy to take them, even offered twenty bucks.
She said her customers were sure to love them.
…and something about spareribs…
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