Grouchy Liberal Shown the Door – Again

  “Everyone’s Best Bud” proprietor Tommy J. has released The Grouchy Liberal from the Showplace Tincasa. 

The whiny vaginy reality never measured up to the man cave dream. What Tommy wanted was a normal human being for a roommate, a decent fellow with the sense God gave a bag of wet dog hair, who always remembered that’s it’s a monumentally stupid idea to take disgusting deathbed photos of your roommate’s mother, email them unbidden to people you have sued and are suing, and blame THEM when the photos turn up in a court filing. 

Oh, and he’s so white he colors up by eating rice with mayonnaise in a blizzard. 

The reality was the Grouchy Liberal is a bad man, a slow, plodding DUMBFUCK who doesn’t have the skill to write in complete sentences, hold onto a job or a friend. Maybe he could throw a bigger tarp over his craycray if he added “resident of an assisted living facility” to his “recently widowed, late stage ELEVENTYFIVE Parkinson’s disabled senior citizen” shtick? But not even Christo (the artist, not the Savior) could fully cover up the Grouchy Liberal’s insanity. 

 So, with his laptop under his arm, half a life insurance settlement, his beloved microphone, a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red to wash down his medication,  

What’s that on top of the microwave?
 a Hefty bag full of clothes and a fresh boot print on his wide backside, he nutshuffled his way (oh! The URN!!! Can’t forget the urn!) to his new Midwest home, to “reconnect with his Catholic heritage.”

Hey, Catholicism is a Christian religion, isn’t it? Weren’t the Catholics responsible for the CROOOOOSAAAAAYDEZ?? Evil, bad, naughty, intolerant Catholics!!

But I wouldn’t worry about the Grouchy Liberal. Some monkeys just never stop dancing.

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

18 thoughts on “Grouchy Liberal Shown the Door – Again”

  1. My goodness that bottle is already half empty (half full?) ...

    Well I guess he just needs some liquid courage each day before wandering down to the common room and regaling his fellow residents with the stories of the Lion of Lebanon and doing battle with Knotsies.

    Bill: "And then.... and then.... I had the sumabitch in my sights but they didn't give me no bullets for my clip. And I thought to myself pew pew pew John Chinaman... I woulda got you but they didn't trust me with no bullets!"

    Residents: "Wait... there were Chinamen in Lebanon?"

    Bill: "Who you gonna believe?! I was there! Surrounded on all sides top and bottom! The only medic within a hundred miles to be trusted to hit a beach unarmed and single
    handedly swim 300 refugees to safety! And when I got back to the states they forgot to give me my medals but I found a store which sold them. I found a guy huffing glue out of a bag who was wearing general stars and he pinned them on me! Yes sir! A god damn genuine war hero!"

    Residents: "I liked it better when the staff brought in the puppet show."

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    1. I vaguely remember somebody who looks a lot like me saying that William was in his cups over six months ago.

      On another note, it's nice to see that the Gail Schmalfeldt Memorial Death Keurig is holding up. But when you have Johnny Walker, who needs individual cups of coffee?

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      1. If you mean Ensure, I happen to know that hogs like it straight. Long story, trust me you won't guess how I know. But it seems vaguely relevant here.

        I don't see Gail, is she still on Eastern Time?

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  2. Someone should mention that "nutshuffled" is a fantabulous word. Oxford needs to know about it.

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      1. Not if they're your own children. Otherwise, yes.

        Generally I like Wisconsin hospitality: If you leave my house hungry or sober it's your own damn fault.

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