THE FOLLOWING IS A PARODY OF THE POST LINKED HERE: http://thecranialvault.blogspot.com/2015/08/trolling-its-hard-dirty-work.html, WRITTEN BY WILLIAM M. SCHMALFELDT, SR. DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK. IT WILL ONLY ENCOURAGE HIM.
INSTEAD, READ THE POST WHERE IT HAS BEEN ARCHIVED AS ETERNAL PROTECTION AGAINST THE INEVITABLE DELETION AND SPOLIATION OF EVIDENCE WHICH IS THE HALLMARK OF PRIDE THAT PUNCTUATES SCHMALFELDT’S PATHETIC EXISTENCE.
SAFE LINK: https://archive.is/3foXG
Trolling…to the dedicated cyberstalking DUMBFUCK, it’s not a chore…it’s not a hobby. It’s a raison d’être. It has no other interests or avocations. Friends, long ignored and forgotten, fall away and vanish. Tending to the needs of the Clockwork Urn (is she in the right timezone yet?) must be left undone lest a target post something on a blog directed into Maryland (that might go forever unread in Wisconsin if not for the vigilant watchfulness of the trolling DUMBFUCK and his daily hunting expeditions from his Windows 10 machine in the Crappy Wifi Arms Hotel and Animal Shelter) that the DUMBFUCK would only see if it looks at The Most Hatefulest Website In The Known Universe and Possibly Several Alternate Universes As Well, where it is roundly mocked, ridiculed and afflicted with cosmic butthurt that only a Jacuzzi full of mayonnaise could salve.
The DUMBFUCK blames others for being a DUMBFUCK, of course. It’s the default setting for the dedicated DUMBFUCK. Virtuoso DUMBFUCKS don’t get to its GRANDMASTER DUMBFUCK LEVEL through their own efforts—it’s always someone else’s fault. “I had to look at The Most Hatefulest Website In The Known Universe and Possibly Several Alternate Universes As Well,” it cries, “to see what mean, nasty, horrible, evil things I must get all butthurt about today. How would I be able to blame others for my failed existence without seeing the truth about myself to get all butthurt over?”
It’s hard, thankless work. But entertaining as hell for the spectators.
The number of readers has never been important…because there will always be one EPIC DUMBFUCK out there to provide the clicks. It can’t help itself. Every day it is compelled by its diseased DUMBFUCK turtle-turd of a brain to visit, even if there is no new content. It must read every comment, track every single Like, screencapping all the commenters to single out for future doxing and harassment, hunting down and cataloging email addresses to send disgusting photographs of its emaciated, dying spouse.
Hard, thankless work. Even though she can no longer speak, it hears her muffled voice from inside the TickTockTomb, begging it to PLEASE…JUST…PUT…THE…FUCKING…CAMERA…DOWN…AND…STOP…ALREADY.
She never understood its DUMBFUCKERY. She understood the truck drivers.
How long will a DUMBFUCK harbor and nurse its butthurt and indignities? Will a day come when it realizes the opinions of others only cause its butthurt agony because it has never taken ownership and control of its own swollen, malignant, cancerous tumor of an ego? No. Such a thin-skinned and masochistic narcissist lives to be insulted—Butthurt Is Life. How long before its false significance, propped up by stolen valor and fabricated work histories, motivates it to tuck its microscopic nutfeet up in the rolly-walker and beg a ride from sissie to track down and execute the mistaken target of its rage?
Never. It will never do it. Whatever it had in its teeny little sack went into the oven with the coinpurse and its owner. DUMBFUCKS wallow in their cowardice until they go Tango Uniform.
DUMBFUCKS read any blog they like. They waste most of their time, though, reading blogs they don’t like, because NOBODY CAN STOP A DUMBFUCK FROM MONKEYDANCING. Because a DUMBFUCK is DUMB.
How DUMB is a DUMBFUCK? FUCKING DUMB enough to think that the blogs it trolls don’t want it to see what they publish!
If something gets published that a DUMBFUCK shouldn’t see, DUMBFUCK doesn’t see it. It happens every day. And if it does see something that causes it fresh waves of butthurt…well, it should just file a fucking lawsuit or something.
Until it works up the desire, energy and balls to make that UNCHARTABLY RIDICULOUS FUCKING ERROR ONE MORE TIME, though…