That tweet might not mean a lot at first glance, but it is further evidence that William Matthew Schmalfeldt of Elkridge, Maryland has no credibility and should not be counted on to tell the truth about anything.

At this point, some context is necessary.

On Monday July 6, Crazy Bill went on his dopey podcast and prattled on for over an hour about how he was going to sell his car and hire a lawyer to further his doomed and desperately dumb lulzsuit. It would be embarrassing to get a fourth one tossed on a Motion to Dismiss, even for a DUMBFUCK like our Bill.

In fact, he was quick to tell us that he had become pen pals with one such shyster, which is odd, given that attorneys really aren’t in the business of giving out free advice, and Schmalfeldt’s ride didn’t just sell itself. He went on to read an “email” that he said that he received regarding the Communications Decency Act.

The relevant portion begins at 19:40.

Compare and contrast with this, at Schmalfeldt’s new AVVO,

(Note: Just Answer’s coding is a pain in the ass. You need to go to the link that reads “I have been the victim of online harassment by three specific websites.”)

Once you get through William’s self-pity party, you’ll find this…

(clickage = embiggenation)

Ely's Coming

Hey, look! It’s Ely! Hi ELY!

Wowee, that sounds a lot like Schmalfeldt’s email, don’t it?

What a DUMBFUCK doesn’t seem to understand is that when you read something verbatim, it is searchable in Google.

I fully expect William to continue denying anything about Ely because he’s genetically dishonest. Of course, there could be other explanations, such as that he’s been blackout drunk since Monday and actually believes that he’s negotiating with a lawyer.

But Occam’s Razor dictates that he’s just a lying scumbag, and not an especially clever one.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie


  1. Now he's up there with his hero, BK. Now Bill has to get his hands on some TOVEX and they can share equal billing. Knowing Bill, he'll go for fulminate of mercury.

    1. Give William anything that goes kablooey, and he'd almost certainly blow his fucking hands off, thereby leading to the Greatest Podcast of All!

      "These Hogeists. These Lickspittles. These ZOMBIES left me - a 60 year old recent widower and Vietnam-era veteran with Stage XLIX Parkinson’s - no other choice than to obtain terrorist tools from my most excellent friend, Brett Kimberlin. They malfunctioned, removing both of my hands.

      It's just as true today as it was yesterday. As that vermin Vincent Virgintino said, I leave my big dumps wherever the fuck I want, but now I have no hands with which to wipe. Just hooks. TJ just chuckles when i ask him to help, and Ely wants $600 per square of TP. But I'm just a retired bureaucrat on disability pension.

      It didn't have to be this way, but the Hogeists, Lickspittles and Zombies made it so.

      And. they. Will. Pay. I swear on the clock I put my recently deceased wife in! Was her name Gertrude? Gail! It was Gail! I swear on Gail's clock-crypt that each and every one of them will pay!"

      Okay, it'll be just like every other podcast. But with hooks for hands!

      1. Of course, he'll also say in his best Japanese tranny voice: "Looky, Looky, Looky. Balls and dickie also unhooky"

  2. You don't normally get to say this, but...

    Even for Bill that's pretty fucking dumb.


    "Till daddy takes the T-bird away!"

    Worst Beach Boys song ever.

  4. World's Stupidest Man™
    World's Worst Liar™ which is pathetic considering he practices willful lying daily.

    1. I wonder if it's ever occurred to the Diminished Capacity Kid that a judge might see these offers and threats to bring folks in and out of the lulzsuit, in, say, one of the new defendant's Motions to Dismiss, and wonder if he suffered any real damage at all.

      Drunk, crazy and stupid will hobble you every time!

    2. Considering that none of us even knew about Vinnie or that website until Bill brought it to our attention, somehow I don't think anyone will take Billy-boy up on his offer. Much like usual. How many times has he pulled this schtick? Many more than I can remember. It's sad, really. Once again, the definition of insanity is...

      1. This is a federal crime. This is something the cops can wrap their heads around and do something about. And, as you saw, I have provided them with leads.
        I’m afraid I’m going to have to add your name to that list of leads, Nancy, unless you are honest with me. You can be honest with me, or you can be honest with the postal investigators when they get around to you.

        It’s been seven months, and I still haven’t been frogmarched off to jail (not that I’m holding my breath). Copies of all of the extortionate emails are in a file over at the county court house as well as having been forwarded to the FBI. Eventually they will reach critical mass. 😀

        Howzzat? - TDPZ

  5. The secret was out long before he read it on the web. Someone put his picture on a very funny cartoon. Bill, you could have easily seen Ely in the cartoon, and at LEAST adjust your lies.

    But yes, reading verbetum an opinon posted to the internet is foolish. So is asking questions of internet lawyers which make it clear that you are flailing around -- unsure of your legal position. At some point you should be improving your ability to fool people. The opposite seems to be happening.

    1. I guess he isn't watching the three offending websites all that closely.

      Or maybe he didn't think anyone would post the actual evidence, so he could ignore it.


    They say fresh air is the best disinfectant, which is why William hates it so.

    1. So, posting a link to a podcast is a DMCA violation now? And here I thought he wanted more people to listen and spread news of his brand. 🙁

      1. He also doesn't seem to understand the Internet very well. If you post something to YouTube, you have the option of disabling the embedding code, which William didn't.

        I guess then that we'll have to edit the podcast and post the relevant section under Fair Use.

        Of course, Schmalfeldt might just be dumb enough to actually want to file a new copyright suit. Nothing would be more FUN than entering his own defense from last year as evidence against him. That might just be enough for a judge to find that he's vexatious.

    2. So he didn't learn from when he tried to have embeded YouTube videos taken down from Hogewash!?

      How much dumb would a dumbfuck fuck if a dumbfuck could achieve an erection with which to fuck dumb?


    Really? William was going to sell the car to retain an internet lawyer? And he was on the phone with him? Twice?

    Pssst, I don't think he listens to his own show. Or he's a congenital liar. Take your pick.

    1. By the way, there's nothing in Ely's profile that indicates that he's a member of the Maryland bar, so William is terrible at consumer research, too.

      Of course, maybe they discussed it on the phone during one of their calls ....

  8. Grouchcast ‏@Grouch365 7m7 minutes ago
    He could have linked to the audio. He didn't. He posted the entire audio, playable from his site. No, no, no, NO! Another log on the fire.

    God, the man is an idiot. I'm seeing a link to YouTube! Which is all perfectly legal; that's why YouTube gives the links/widgets/whatever for folks to do precisely this!

    1. It's better than that, LG. The embed is from the video on Schmalfeldt's own YouTube account. He posted the link with the embed function activated.

      But, sure, let him improperly amend his ridiculous complaint. Again. I'm sure the court won't think that he's at all unhinged or vexatious.

      1. However, if we're going to go in the weeds of copyright, it raises an interesting question.

        William includes all manner of copyrighted material in his idiotic podcast, for which royalties are presumably paid through his hosting service.

        However, does that limited license allow him to post the material on third-party platforms, such as YouTube, Spreaker, etc?

        I don't know this as an absolute certainty, but I suspect not.

        Ah, the slings and arrows of building a brand.

  9. Grouchcast ‏@Grouch365 9m9 minutes ago
    He's making stupid mistakes now -- coming unhinged.

    Projection, I just read a tweet called Projection! (with apologies to Bernstein and Sondheim)

    1. Speaking of "stupid mistakes," aren't there rather draconian consequences for filing a fraudulent DMCA notice? I seem to remember that there are.

      1. The case, called Automattic vs. Steiner, awarded over $25,000 in damages against a group that filed an unfounded DMCA takedown request.

        Found at:

      2. That can't be good. I don't think a 2007 Ford Focus is worth $25K, even if it is red.

  10. One more incomprehensible public lie for Ye Olde Evidence File.

    It's almost too bad that William's too crazy and dumb to file a proper complaint. Nothing would be quite as fun as a trial on the merits of his "sterling character" and "carefully maintained online reputation."

  11. And these tweets of his this morning show more of his weird turns of phrase. I've never, ever heard it as "another log on the fire". Isn't it usually "coals" on the fire?

      1. Thank you! I knew that logs was wrong, but after seeing so much tortured English lately from a certain quarter, I'm having trouble remembering the normal version.

        It's like a history prof of mine who every year before she started grading the junior freshman essays would write the word "monastery" on a 3x5 and pin it above her desk. She kinew how to spell it, but she'd see it spelled wrong so often all of the misspellings would begin to look right.

      1. Good to know. Must just not be from my and my family's parts of the midwest. Of course the "coals" I was thinking of are probably UK/Irish idiom, so I'm hardly one to talk.

  12. That's from Lulzsuit the First. I feel warm inside every time I read it.


    No, chucklefuck, but you are supposed to remember the name of an attorney that you were going to sell your car to retain, so that you may better "sue the shit out of" people. Unless, of course, you're an even bigger simpleton than previously thought,

    This is just getting pathetic.

    1. On the other hand, it is nice to see William in the "modified limited hangout" phase of the Ely lie. I'm just sorry that Ron Ziegler isn't alive to see it.

    2. He read Ely's response word for word. On his podcast. The two match. But it's UNPOSSIBLE that he contacted an interwebz lawyer for advice.

      And I've got a bridge to Alcatraz that I'd like to sell you....

  14. Yeah, it's a "carefully maintained online reputation" only if writing about anal rape as if it's something every man wants to do to his significant other is normal behavior. Not even Hustler does that.

  15. I don't believe that I've ever of a Boy Scout being described as "a significant other" before, but this is Bill Schmalfeldt's world, we only live in it!

  16. OH! OH! Since Shakey will drop anyone who will tell him what part Vinnie plays in this circus, and since Vinnie has nothing to do in this, why doesn't everyone tell him so and get dropped from the suit???
    Asking for a friend.

  17. I see the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt™ pulled his incriminating YouTube video down. I would strongly suggest the vexatious litigant avoid spoliation of evidence.


      The scumbag Bill Schmalfeldt™ best not have destroyed that podcast video.

      Just sayin'.

      1. Hey, did you know that there's software that lets you download material directly from YouTube?

        Ted Kaczynski couldn't have been more wrong. Technology is pretty wonderful, especially when you're dealing with assholes!

        Please note that I'm not comparing Bill Schmalfeldt to the Unabomber, at least not in a complimentary way.


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