How Wars End

War.

Prizefight. Hockey game. Chess match.

Here’s how war doesn’t work.

“Hey, let’s have a war. Let’s both of us decide to start fighting at a particular place and time several months from now.  Until then we’ll both train up our military forces, but let’s first agree to a maximum force limit and a set of rules to be enforced by a neutral arbiter. Because war should be fair.  Then at be appointed time and place, we’ll bring our armies to bear.  We’ll fight non-stop for three weeks, then rest, regroup and strategize for one week. Then we will re-engage in battle for three more weeks.  This fight-and-rest cycle will continue until one of us is unable to engage the battle for let’s say 36 hours, or the neutral arbiter says one of us is so badly beaten that the war should be stopped, or until we have battled 15 times.  Then three other neutral arbiters will score our war based on their individual scores for each of our 15 battles, where the winner of each battle is awarded ten points, and the loser some lesser number.  A majority decision of the three judges determines a winner, but stalemate is possible.”

Or…

“Hey, let’s have a war.  Let’s both of us bring armies to a neutral battlefield.  We’re only allowed, like, 20 soldiers apiece, and they will be armed only with curved sticks and plastic armor.  Of course there will be neutral arbiters of rules here as well.  Let’s have 4 of them.  Our war will have to be fair.  Let’s say we each are allowed six fighters on the battlefield at a time, but we can substitute almost any time we like.  And the object of this war is to push a hard rubber disc into a net guarded by one of the warriors on each side.  We’ll fight for 20 minutes and rest for 20 minutes.  Three 20 minute battles and whoever has pushed the disc into the net more times wins.  If it’s tied after three battles, we go again until the next side scores.  And just for fun, we’ll do all of this on ice skates.”

Or…

“Hey, let’s have a war. Let’s both of us bring armies to an 8×8 battlefield.  Our armies will have 16 soldiers apiece.  8 of them can only move forward.  Two can move forward, backward or sideways in straight lines.  Two others can only move on diagonals in any direction.  Still another two jump about like horses.  One really powerful & valuable soldier can move in a straight line in any direction.  The last and most important soldier can only move one space at a time but can never move into a place where there is danger. If he’s captured that ends the game.  We’ll take turns moving pieces around and fight until one of us takes that important soldier, or forces him into a position where he can’t move.”

The problem is, this is not war.  None of these are war.  They are euphemisms for war. They are microcosms for war.  They are sensationalized entertainments made more exciting by the application of war terminology.  Like George Carlin said of football:

In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing his aerial assault with a sustained ground attack, which punches holes in the forward wall of the enemies’ defensive line.

As much as it sounds like war, that’s not war either.

Only war is truly war.  Focused, purposeful carnage.  Industrial scale death-dealing in service to an abstract goal, if we’re going to be awfully blunt about it.

And what is the question?  How does war end?

There are two ways to end a war.

  1. Completely eliminate the enemy by wiping him from the battlefield eternally.
  2. So thoroughly decimate the enemy that he
    • loses his will to fight; or
    • realizes that he risks the first outcome.

Now, over here (safe link), DUMBFUCK seems to be saying he wants a war with WJJ Hoge.  That’s fine.  But he should look to his own resources.  Then he should look across the battlefield at WJJ Hoge’s resources.  Finally, he should consider long and well who might come running to help when such a war begins.  And who might duck and cover.

Before he does any of that, though…he should plan his endgame.  For all possibilities.

In other words, should the worst outcome present, would he prefer surrender, or the other thing?

Because as Billy Sez…

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

32 thoughts on “How Wars End”

  1. Bill Schmalfeldt seems to think he's got nothing to lose from his campaigns.

    Considering what a miserable existence he ekes out, that's hard to argue.

    Then again, being exiled forever from his Sweaty Palmed Happy Place would certainly be a hellish punishment for the bloated sociopath.

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  2. "... DUMBFUCK seems to be saying he wants a war with WJJ Hoge. That’s fine. But he should look to his own resources. Then he should look across the battlefield at WJJ Hoge’s resources. Finally, he should consider long and well who might come running to help when such a war begins. And who might duck and cover."

    This.

    If he wants a war he shall have it, indeed. No one on Team Lickspittle and/or the Zombie Horde fights alone -- in either resources and/or support roles. Only one individual finds himself facing his self-created battles all by his lonesome... the keyboard warrior known as Bill "The Deranged Cyberstalker" Schmalfeldt.

    This will not end well for him.

    "Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win." (Sun Tzu)

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      1. He'd have to aspire to be a Shih Tzu. And he probably does. #BecauseButtStuff

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  3. Let us see how a first barrage like the following will damage his bulwarks and breastworks:
    18 U.S. Code § 1509 - Obstruction of court orders
    Whoever, by threats or force, willfully prevents, obstructs, impedes, or interferes with, or willfully attempts to prevent, obstruct, impede, or interfere with, the due exercise of rights or the performance of duties under any order, judgment, or decree of a court of the United States, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both.
    No injunctive or other civil relief against the conduct made criminal by this section shall be denied on the ground that such conduct is a crime.

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  4. Looks like the "tough guy" part of the schmycle has started.

    What a jackass.

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    1. Ooooh! That means "Yer killing me!!!!" Blob is just around the corner! I love that part!

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  5. STUPID -- THY NAME IS BILL SCHMALFELDT.

    http://i.imgur.com/j5MriFU.jpg

    18 U.S. Code § 1509 - Obstruction of court orders

    Whoever, by threats or force, willfully prevents, obstructs, impedes, or interferes with, or willfully attempts to prevent, obstruct, impede, or interfere with, the due exercise of rights or the performance of duties under any order, judgment, or decree of a court of the United States, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both.

    No injunctive or other civil relief against the conduct made criminal by this section shall be denied on the ground that such conduct is a crime.

    https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/1509

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  6. For someone who says all he has room for in his heart right now is love, and all he has time for is his wife, he sure seems to be spending a lot of time writing hate-filled screeds over at his blog.

    One of these years it may get pounded through his thick skull that if he thought the order of the Illinois court to not write about Grady was unconstitutional, he needed to appeal it rather than simply ignore it. Aaron Walker did that and won. Robert Schuler didn't and ended up in even more trouble with the courts than he already was. Bill should also remember that when folks run afoul of the judicial system, they can legally lose rights, such as "liberty", or the "right to have a computer and internet access".

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  7. Yesterday:

    http://i.imgur.com/XBLm27c.jpg

    Today:

    https://twitter.com/AudioOddities/status/609353195526205441

    What a difference a day makes, eh Blob?

    HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE

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    1. BTW, Blob, how would someone get to you through Janina who seems to want less than nothing to do with you?

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        1. Bill became disillusioned with her when he discovered that she didn't provide all you can eat pancakes with syrup by the pitcherful.

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    1. Hey, it's only been three freaking decades. Give the poor, fat, stupid, ugly, repugnant slob some time to get over her!

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