Someone Forwarded Me This

Well, not exactly this.  But close.  I sort of did my thing with it.  


From:  LoadofShitturd <LoadofShitturd@*****.com>

Date: Wed, May **, 2015 at *:56 AM

Subject: The fecal smears on the wall

To: Thurston Howl <*************@******.com>

NOTICE: THIS E-MAIL IS BEING SENT AS IF IT WERE FOR A LEGAL, PEACEABLE PURPOSE, BUT IT REALLY ISN’T. IF YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THIS IS THE CASE BASED ON THE SENDER ALONE, HIT DELETE NOW. OTHERWISE, I WILL CONSIDER YOUR READING OF THIS LETTER AS YOUR CONFIRMATION THAT YOU ARE AS DIMINISHED IN MENTAL CAPACITY AS I AM.

Thurston:

You don’t have to be Einstein to see that I am a complete idiot who has been taught that the world revolves around me, that I am always right, and that if I tell enough lies one of them will eventually be believed by someone, somewhere, if I just wait long enough. But after 15 long years of dying from Parkinson’s disease, I fear my time is running out. I need someone to believe my lies, Thurston, and aren’t you the lucky one?

If you are a smart person, it’s time to start acting like one and delete this email. If I were smart, I would never have started writing it, but like an avalanche, once I’m committed I am impossible to stop. I remember this one time we drove from Maryland to Florida. When we stopped in Butte, Montana for dinner, my wife W.D. suggested that we might be going in the wrong direction. I said, “Don’t be silly, you foolish female woman! And besides, we’re making great time!”

I have submitted a full report on the “forged letter” scheme to Montgomery County authorities today. They love getting “full reports” from civilians like me. Knowing that this will not be high on their list of priorities, I want to give you a chance to help yourself before you are not contacted.

After you are done laughing, I need a bit of info from you. I promise not to dox you.

No, REALLY!!

You can tell me you thought it was a perfectly innocent gag, like the horse shit, if you want. You remember the old innocent horseshit gag, right? The one where I, a guy who likes to pick up my own possibly diseased turds and roll them up into little balls and sniff them (totally in the name of SCIENCE!), went completely BANANAS for two weeks on Twitter accusing people, animals and some passing clouds I don’t even know of FEDERAL CRIMES!!1!1ELEVENTY!11!!1ONE!1!!

Good times, good times.

I do not wish to prosecute you. Even if I did wish to prosecute you, I can’t because a) I am not a prosecutor, b) as much as I pretend otherwise I am not even a lawyer, and c) I would just screw it up like everything else I’ve ever tried to do in my life.

That’s why I need your help.

Here’s how you can help me get to the bottom (tee hee!) of this, and my word – that I will tell the authorities that you did not know what the letter would be used for – is pointless to give, because I’m a liar.

1. A copy of the e-mail “Paul Krendler” sent you the night of January 4, 2015. I know he sent it, because it’s in the Hoge Honey Pot, so it must be true. And also because everybody always tells the truth on the Internet. Except me. If you don’t have a copy, your best memory of the contents will be fine. Or just make something up! If it isn’t what I want to hear, I’m just going to make something up myself. So what harm could it do?

2. Did you act as a courier for the mailing of a letter to Hoge’s home address? Did you drive to the greater Baltimore area to mail it so it would have the proper postmark? Or am I crazy?

3. Were you paid or otherwise rewarded for your participation in this “prank”, which is actually a FEDERAL CRIME AS HEINOUS AND VILE AS SENDING IMPROPERLY PACKAGED HORSESHIT TO A PARKINSON’S VICTIM WHO LIVES IN A TRAILER PARK? Or am I just crazy?

Thurston. Take a look at Lovey and think. You have been stuck on that island for so many years…Gilligan and the Skipper are going down on Ginger and Mary Ann. So is the Professor. You’re not getting any because let’s face it, Lovey Dear has been paper-dry for a couple decades…like me. I’m sure your role in this whole thing is marginal at best, because you just aren’t smart enough to mastermind this yourself. Your cooperation will make you seem even less guilty than you could possibly be, you pathetic moron.

I will make somebody pay for trying to frame me, Thurston. As your part in it was likely innocent and small, I don’t wish to cause you any heartburn. But you will do, Thurston. Oh, yes. You’ll do nicely. So do yourself a favor and answer the above questions so I can have them ignored by your county authorities. If you don’t, I will simply continue to annoy you with vague, toothless threats. Which would be a shame and a waste of my time because I have much bigger and smarter fish than you to annoy with vague, toothless threats.

Be well, idiot.

BS

Tincasa 71

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

16 thoughts on “Someone Forwarded Me This”

  1. TurdBlossom:

    NOTICE: THIS POST IS BEING SENT AS IF IT WERE FOR A LEGAL, PEACEABLE PURPOSE, BUT IT REALLY ISN’T BECAUSE YOU ARE A COMPULSIVE LIAR AND A FILTHY TAWDRY SHIT. IF YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THIS IS THE CASE BASED ON THE SENDER ALONE, HIT DELETE NOW. OTHERWISE, I WILL CONSIDER YOUR READING OF THIS LETTER AS YOUR CONFIRMATION, IN LAW, THAT YOU ARE AS DIMINISHED IN MENTAL CAPACITY AS YOU HAVE EVER BEEN OR EVER WILL BE.

    POST FOLLOWS:

    Fuck you!!!

    No wonder you never made it out of the country day-timer market.

    Tee Hee

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  2. There is no way this is based on anything Schmalfeldt wrote, as it has actual sentences with nouns and verbs and stuff. I've seen more intelligent things from 5 year olds using crayons than what Bildo writes.

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  3. Wow. Lordofshitturd@gmail is walking on thin ice. It looks to me like he sent the letter, then pretended someone forged it, and is now suborning perjury. I am sure the victim has already reported this, of course.

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    1. BINGO!!!!!! I'm glad it's finally been said here. There is no doubt in my mind that is exactly what's happening now. His complete lack of impulse control and forethought put him in this situation. He is desperate to find a way out. Thankfully we know several things he doesn't. So the more he draws attention to this letter(DO NOT FEED THE MONKEY -- PK)

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  4. Elkridge Horror:

    NOTICE: THIS POST IS BEING SENT AS IF IT WERE FOR A LEGAL, PEACEABLE PURPOSE, BUT IT REALLY ISN’T BECAUSE YOU ARE A COMPULSIVE LIAR AND A FILTHY TAWDRY SHIT. IF YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THIS IS THE CASE BASED ON THE SENDER ALONE, HIT DELETE NOW. OTHERWISE, I WILL CONSIDER YOUR READING OF THIS LETTER AS YOUR CONFIRMATION, IN LAW, THAT YOU ARE AS DIMINISHED IN MENTAL CAPACITY AS YOU HAVE EVER BEEN OR EVER WILL BE.

    POST FOLLOWS:

    BIOYA*

    Go roll another green one and sniff deeply. You are as incompetent at the law as you are in everything else in your life. That's a fact!!

    Fuck off and die.

    * BIOYA - Blow it out your ass! You're quit good at talking out of it, denthead!

    Be well,

    Tao

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  5. I'm rolling on the floor laughing!!!
    Bill of course sent this to gmhowell ... a view into his suborning of perjury in support of the coverup through perjury of his sending a letter of extortion to WJJ Hoge in violation of the no contact order that was in force at the time he wrote and mailed it. Lying about that to a court is perjury, inducing through extortion someone else to lie for you to cover-up your illegal contact through supporting your perjury by committing another perjury is suborning perjury through extortion (another felony I believe)... looks like FIVE felonies to try to escape a misdemeanor charge ... MY, the tangled web Schmalfeldt weaves when he practices to deceive.

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  6. "When we stopped in Butte, Montana for dinner..."

    It's always about the Butte stuff, isn't it?

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      1. If they were going to give the world an enema, Butte is where they would stick the tube. It's got a hole that goes a mile down.

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      2. I can see how you see it that way Roy, but to my knowledge, neither Maryland (is for stalkers) nor New Jersey have a mile deep hole just waiting for insertion..

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  7. Dear Thurston

    BEWARE. This is clearly a false flag operation by the evil HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE.

    You can't trust him. His shit is never bright green (at least not so far as I have observed yet, but I am keeping my eyes and nose peeled into his septic tank) whereas mine is always verdant, vernal, succulent, fulsome, etc.

    The critical clue is "foolish, feminine woman." I would NEVER write that. It is triply redundant, and I am a master of English prose. I would simply say "dim twatwaffle" as I always do unless I am speaking about someone's wife, in which case I am more delicate and say "pus oozing grool drizzler."

    You can always tell when it is me by my apt, decorous, and inimitable prose style.

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