carDInal HaNdsOme roCKing ChaIr

The bar towels after Elkridge smoke open radio if double candy frost just round had crayon dust underfoot as far as Mombasa elevator. Dirty green bean bag clipper paint glass ceiling with horsefly camel spit, but you’ll always grow Chinese noodles by feeding electric snakes under bike chain hang reign when Christine built oblong zithersets.

After Jackson vacuum whisper any of the sofa cushions, we went twisting under the DVR hammers. Four six twleve opens Gatorade soccer net.  My big data salt mine crabs into slimy whimsical intensity driven hooks-first through blank hearts choked by pigskin candles.  Without listing soda cracker pans, Felton baked panty switch carton face.  I couldn’t close video from my phone to the gym today and it just seems unlikely places game quoted remotely digital.

The Ping Pong ball tango.  Klutz keys keep clapping, causing crusty cake kisses coerced, cracked, crunchy. Blue eyed screwdrivers swallow deck trash root baskets.  Samson cracked juicy details about your streetwalking ways. How pacifism broke flash toast behind wonder nasty certain liver zest corroded with standard deviations in mud lamps wavered.

Riverbanks howling at twice baked potatoes knifed across Roswell.  Broken bottle caps burst bleow basted bubbles brined by both breakfast blueberries beside brown bananas.

And in the streets the children screamed “hallelujah” when the injection plungers sang their junkie madness symphony of nirvana.

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

76 thoughts on “carDInal HaNdsOme roCKing ChaIr”

  1. Reblogged this on A Conservative Christian Man and commented:
    Excellent! It took me a few minutes using the decoder chart you emailed me, to get the gist of this but it was worth the effort! Such a clever plan and clear instructions for acquiring both epic monkey dance and FUN! I think this will trigger an EPIC SCHMELTDOWN!

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  2. Must we drag poor William S. Burroughs into all of this nastiness?

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      1. Either that phrase is more common than I imagined, or you used to read Dragon.

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  3. Bill: "Me decode because of radar guided tin foil hat and supper mayo laced Kimby Velveeta burrito. Daily build of log cabin in pajamas will confirm."

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  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA..

    (sucks in air)

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA!

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  5. dit/dah/di-dah/di-dit/da-da-dah/da-dit di-di-dit/di-di-di-dit/di-da-dit/da-di-dit/di-da-di-dit/di-di-dah

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    1. Avant de commencer, s'il vous plaît écouter quelques messages personnels .

      John a une longue moustache -- je répète -- John a une longue moustache.

      Les sanglots longs
      Des violons
      De l’automne
      Blessent mon cœur
      D’une langueur
      Monotone.

      je répète

      Les sanglots longs
      Des violons
      De l’automne
      Blessent mon cœur
      D’une langueur
      Monotone.

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      1. Daphna a Monique: Il y a le feu a l'agence de voyage. Inutile de s'y rendre. — je répète — Daphna a Monique: Il y a le feu a l'agence de voyage. Inutile de s'y rendre.

        demain la melasse deviendra du cognac — je répète — demain la melasse deviendra du cognac

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  6. Looks like Bill has been smoking pot with his stepson. OR he has been reduced to trying to imitate his betters again. No originality in that thick skull of his.

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    1. Did Bill Schmalfeldt really state that he and his stepson Thomas "TJ" Balcerak purchased, possessed, and used marijuana? Is that even legal in the state of Maryland?

      Sheesh. Bet TJ would appreciate knowing his stepdad blathered that on the Internet.

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      1. Wonder if TJ's boss knows? According to the Schmalfeldt Addendum to the Society of Professional Journalists rules it's the kind of thing we should certainly ask over and over and over. We can even lie about who we are, who we work for etc. We could all be "stringers for the Baltimore Sun".

        Wait, does TJ work or is he like Bunny Boy and still sucking mama's tit instead of getting a job?

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  7. It scans about as well as:

    “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of the night.”

    Nice!

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  8. The jelly renders the wiggly crack.
    The request photographs the growth.
    When does the courageous pain allocate the motion?

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  9. The Liberal Grouch ‏@GrouchyOldLib
    EatexudingoinksuponandbleeddecrepitbrokenbonesatcausticspellsofHELL!
    EatexudingoinksuponandbleeddecrepitbrokenbonesatcausticspellsofHELL!

    The mayo laced Kimby burrito seems to have blown Velveeta cheese through his head dents which put holes in his tinfoil hat interrupting the radar signals. It's the only fungal explanation for something that intelligent.

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      1. The point is that he has no idea who Krendler or KU our Howard might be. He can spin his wheels all he wants. He just provides Zombies with FUN.

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      2. At last count, he has fourteen ideas who I am.

        And he's got you dead to rights.

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  10. Schmalfeldt does know who I am, and he is trying to sue me. We'll see how well he does this time, but based on past history, ...

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    1. Imagine how humiliating it will be for William to have had three lulzsuits dismissed in just six months.

      Then he'll have to face what comes afterward.

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    1. He just tries so hard!

      https://twitter.com/GrouchyOldLib/status/595030608469954560

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      1. Something about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result comes to mind.

        http://i.imgur.com/UD4JTq3.jpg

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      2. I testified under oath on 13 March, 2015, that I do not know the true identity of "Paul Krendler." If the court permits the Cabin Boy™ to ask such a non-germane question on Friday, I say the same thing.

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        1. It's not that the Boy Who Lived In A Cabin is ignorant...

          AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
          (pause for breath)
          AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

          ...it's just that he knows so much that isn't so.

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  11. https://twitter.com/GrouchyOldLib/status/595030901798608896

    I've followed it pretty closely, and I'm certain that Hoge hasn't tried pleading insanity to a misdemeanor, if that's what you mean. That is what you mean, right?

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    1. https://twitter.com/GrouchyOldLib/status/595049123763593216

      That's the best part! You didn't know that's what you were doing!

      You thought you had cleverly figured out a way to avoid taking responsibility for yourself that wound up telling the court that you're a goddamned nut.

      I promise to never, ever forget that.

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      1. ^^^ THIS ^^^ OMG! THIS! ROFLMAO!!

        Hey Shakey, it's time to remind you. We're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you!

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  12. "Name a single time he's beaten me without lying."

    I can't speak for John Hoge, but my guess would be every day he wakes up and realizes he is not Bill, John has beaten Bill.

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    1. Sadly, to Bill, telling the truth about him is lying because he believes that only HIS narrative is to be believed. Even says people lie when directly quoting him. I guess his own words are only truth when they halp him or display him in a positive light. Anything else is a lie.

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  13. “To the Honorable Richard D. Bennett, US District Court for the District of Maryland.

    Your Honor. Please excuse the e-mail introduction, which isn’t really an introduction at all. You turfed my case three months ago because I wasn’t sufficiently poor, smart or sane. I knew then that there was only justice for people like Hoge (HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!!), not for me. But then I forgot, so here I am again! I would like it added to the record in Schmalfeldt (That’s me!) v. Grady 1:15-cv-01241-RBD that Grady’s being a poo-head again! First he was speaking in riddles, now WordPress is autofilling registration forms because I’m logged into it and am constantly leaving unpublished, threatening comments on Grady’s blog, despite a no-contact order. But I can pretend that Grady isn't Krendler when it suits my purposes. I ask that you take judicial notice and thank you for your time.

    While we’re at it, can you let me win my lulzsuit in private, all sooper seekrit like? My friend Brett says you can, which is why no one should believe that book by Mark Singer.

    Gotta go yell at WordPress now. BYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    Dear WordPress: I have created eleventy blogs that no one reads with your service but I have come to believe that it is haunted. The hate blog at http://thinkingmanszombie.com knows everything about me. I’ve been there all day, every day, for fifteen months, leaving long harangues that no one will ever read. But somehow it knows my name, e-mail address and website URL. I believe that this is an attempt to frame me for High Crimes and Misdemeanors. Or it could be ghosts. I’m not sure, but I demand that it be stopped! For God’s sake! First he has constant lulz at my expense, and now ghosts! What kind of a business are you running, anyhow? Why hasn’t WordPress hired an exorcist? I can’t be the only one this has happened to. My wife is dying (DYING) from Scleroderma when I’m not sending her on errands. I have had Parkinson’s for 15 years and am pretty much useless at everything except ranting like a psychopath on the Internet and filing lulzsuits that get quickly dismissed, and if you look at this man’s blog, it’s all about MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    WordPress, make the ghosts go away. I’ve abandoned too many blogs on your service for our relationship to end like this. I let you get away with Hoge stealing the copyright to space, but this must end!

    For once – DO SOMETHING!

    William M. Schmalfeldt,
    Elkridge, Maryland

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