You Want To Talk About Embarrassing Briefs?

We can do that.

The Incredible Shrinking Woman Who Shall Not Be Named and I were settling down to watch an “On Demand” movie.  We were about 10 minutes into the movie when, without warning, I noticed I was…

“Making Bigs.”

Now, this is not the sort of thing that you can really do without noticing it unless you are a truly special, unique and talented snowflake such as myself.  So I said just about the only thing a person CAN say in a situation like that.

“Guess I shouldn’t have had the refried beans for lunch!”

I shuffled to the bathroom to assess the damage.  Let’s just say it was worse than it would have been if I bothered to get away from the computer and take a fucking walk around the block once a week to keep my muscles from atrophying.  My headrot eventually realized what my intelligence dispenser was doing and managed to shut off the overshare after only SOME had gotten out.

Unfortunately, some of that overshare made their way up the back of my Depends where they soiled the Internet, my frilly pink dainties and the hot pants I was wearing.  My blouse was spared.

I was a MESSY little shitbag.


The preceding excerpt is taken from this safe link, and used here in accordance with the Fair Use Doctrine of United States Copyright Law as practiced by the shitbag who originally authored the post, who had better make sure she’s got fresh diapers on and has this post all properly registered and copyrighted before she says One. Fucking. Word.

And then she can go fuck herself with a Louisville Slugger wrapped in barbed wire.  Which will be helpful the next time she needs to blow it out her fat leaking ass.

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

14 thoughts on “You Want To Talk About Embarrassing Briefs?”

  1. Googling "dirty crapped briefs" should bring you to the CWCki. Read a bit about that guy and tell me that wasn't young Bill.

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  2. https://twitter.com/EndTimesTribune/status/590694957838692353

    For Christ's sake, Blob, ain't nobody got time for that. What, doesn't she have any hemorrhoids you can photograph and share on the internet?

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    1. He claims to love her more than anything else, and yet he seems to spend the majority of her remaining time ignoring her and attacking Hoooooooooog!!!!ee and everyone else who would be quite happy to leave him alone like he claims to want, if he'd just stop attacking, lying, slandering, belittling, etc., etc., and behave like a civilized human being.

      Makes his claims of what is most important in his life a little suspect.

      I've added Gail to my prayer list.

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  3. I wonder if, when the captive nurse finally flees into that eternal good night, a self-glorifying Investigative Journalist with a Passion for Truth starts bothering William with questions about whether her premature parting was the result of malice or negligence on his part.

    Will William be prepared to produce a death certificate, or will the Fourth Estate have to make a half-hearted attempt at contacting every hospital in a hundred mile radius? It'll be so much easier to just tell the truth and provide the documents, I imagine he'll be told.

    Said reporter would get bonus points for publishing conclusions before William made any comment at all.

    Perhaps I'll take up journalism ...

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    1. "Mr. Schmalfeldt, you didn't live-tweet your wife's final seconds in this plane of existence. Was that because you needed both hands for the pillow?"

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      1. That was about whether or not whether or not a distended belly was the result of an actual beating. I'm referring specifically about the death, should it ever occur. Although, one supposes that it will be live-tweeted.

        Also, I apologize to Mr. Krendler if I inadvertently sole that premise. I hadn't seen the update when I posted my original comment.

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        1. Oh, you were well ahead of me on that.

          And was it you that suggested he might not be able to live-tweet because he, um...might not have both hands free?

          Or was that someone else?

          }:->

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    2. Well by Elkridge journalistic standards, if he doesn't make denial by close of business, we're to consider that a confession of spousal abuse.

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    3. “Mr. Schmalfeldt, you have until 5:00 PM today (it's 4:45 PM) to provide incontrovertible proof of your statements and answer my questions to my satisfaction or you will be proven a liar."

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