Negotiating Is Done, DUMBFUCK!

One day last week I called up a local BBQ joint and ordered some takeout for lunch.  They told me it would be about $13, and I told them I’d pick it up in 20 minutes.

When I got there, I told them I’d take the food today and if they didn’t bother me for a couple weeks I would come in and pay them $6.50, if I felt like it.

Did you know that when you have a taste for some REALLY GOOD brisket, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese tastes awful?

But that’s not my point. My point is, DUMBFUCK WANTS SOMETHING. It is buying. I am selling. I have the product. It has been told the price it must pay to get what it wants. If it doesn’t pay that price, it walks away empty-handed.


It should save its money. There are other prices to be paid.

You see, I’m not going to do what it wants. Went that route once. After Hoge and it settled the copyright suit last August, my very first response was to comment that if it “changed [its] behavior on the Internet, I’d have no reason to write ruthless parodies.” And I stepped back. Left it alone.  It lasted 5 whole days before it popped up to brag that it was writing a book and “borrowing” my content under Fair Use.

So, back in the game.

Now? Fool me once? Shame on you.  Fool me twice? Not in this lifetime.

Even if I did what it said, hold on – Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! – in the astronomically improbable event that it was telling the truth, it couldn’t possibly be more than a half-truth.  It might close its Twitter account and shut down its blog, but the only surprise would come if it doesn’t already, as I type this, have both a new Twitter handle and a new blog ready to go. Genius thinks it will put one over on me?  Don’t think so.

The terms are set and fixed, DUMBFUCK.  It wants the brisket, it pays the thirteen bucks.  Or else it gets the hose again.

And just to note for the record, you know what’s great about being a shit covered pig?

Soap and water takes it right off.

OTOH, when you see a mad dog coming down the street, cockeyed and foaming at the mouth, there’s really only one thing you can do with it then, because what that dog’s got can’t be washed off.  Isn’t that right, Mr. Finch?

Oh, before I forget – give your “beloved” my best when you finish ignoring her to do your podcast.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

21 thoughts on “Negotiating Is Done, DUMBFUCK!”

  1. Ow. Silence of the Lambs to To Kill a Mockingbird in two paragraphs; just ow. 🙂

    1. I prefer something like the Federal PD256:

      20 gauge, 24 pellets of #4 buck (diameter of .24 inches, not the same as #4 shot pellets), delivering 3x the muzzle energy of .45 ACP.

      Put that in a Mossberg 500 (yes, they did come in 20 gauge, haven't seen a new one in a while), put a youth stock on it for maneuverability, and you've got a great weapon for rabid animals.

      I've shot a few rabid skunks and raccoons, and one rabid coyote, over the years, plus a greater number of non-rabid coyotes, etc., and every single one was down and dead right where they were shot.

      I'd have no qualms using the same on a rabid dog of any size. Recoil is much lighter than a 12 gauge, and the weapon can be handled easily by women and children.

      1. Guess I haven't been looking - Mossberg has about twenty models available in 20 gauge. The "Bantum Tactical", model 54300, would be my first choice.

      2. 20 ga. Browning Pump Shotgun for me. Mrs. Hoge prefers a 20 ga. Browning Side-by-Side.

        Maxim 37: There is no "overkill." There is only "open fire" and "time to reload."

      4. I stick with the classics; Remington 870 "Tactical" (the M&P version), alternating 3" x 1oz slugs w/ 2¾" x 2oz #4 Turkey shot.

        Five blasts then reload; keeps one in the pipe and one in the mag for second efforts.

      5. Although, for a carry, I've found a nifty little .380 load. Watch before you laugh.
        Yes, that is a .380 overpenetrating 16" of ballistics gel. The track at the beginning is the ball round he used for comparison.
        Go back and watch the whole thing.

  2. Does Bill have a love child?

    Or is he running an online "Acme Law Skool"?

    The similarities are stunning. Too bad Bill doesn't have the guts to address the court this way.

    1. If you read the whole thing it's WAY more coherent that anything Bill has ever filed.

      1. Indeed, if she had just left out the profanity, it would've been a compelling brief, As it was, its trash, and contemptable trash at that.

  3. Amazing. The Twitter account has been renamed, and the Big BM shut down his website. In another news, the sun rose the east and set in the west again.

    1. You know he only does it because there's no better way to attract and keep readers than to keep switching websites and Twitter handles!

      Although, being batshit insane might also have something to do with it...

    1. But, but BUT....that would mean lying liar Fat Ass LIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      in other news, water is wet.


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