My So-Called Friends Need To Learn That the Expert on Me Is Me, And It's Always About Me.

For some reason I will never understand, the so-called conventional wisdom among my so-called friends is that I should stay off Twitter.  I love my so-called friends, but I can no longer honor that request which I could never honor in the first place.

For one thing, I do not CARE what the people who hate me have to say about me. When they invade my Twitter timeline by reading it and stalk me by responding to it, and they are the same trolls who have figured out how to make my life miserable for more than two years by quoting my own words back at me, I block them, I report them, and if Twitter does its job, it removes their accounts. Of course, especially puerile individuals like, well, I know who I am, just create a new sock puppet account and I’m back online within hours…one hundred nine (109) times and counting.

I need Twitter. Like a meth-head needs the next hit.  Like an excellent friend needs sleepovers.  Like I need Krendler’s head on a spike in my driveway.  I need it to be able to pretend this podcast is successful. I need it to spread the word to my zero followers about what the subject of the day is.

My so-called friends refuse to participate. They have wised up, at long, long last. That is why I currently have “O” followers. They seem to equate my not following their advice as not having respect for them.  I could ask them if that’s true, but then I would know for sure what they think, and I would no longer be able to fabricate their opinions for myself in Cloud Cuckoo Land.  Besides, I know they are wrong.  They must be wrong if they take the side of my enemies in anything.  I love my so-called friends. But I intend to run my life according to my wishes for how the world should work, not at the whim of my enemies or at the demands of my so-called friends. If my so-called friends wish to show their disapproval of this decision by not feeding my delusion that someone on the planet cares what I have to say?  Well, achievement unlocked.  The trolls have known this for years, and now that my so-called friends have shown their true colors, the undeniable fact is truly undeniable, even to a thickheaded pudding brain like the Dim Weeper.  This is why I took my account offline earlier today. But as soon as I am done producing today’s show I will be back online on Twitter @enditalltribune. If you, my phantom listener who knew me when I was nothing and nobody, who has seen the depths to which I have now sunk, less than nothing, less than nobody, if you hear this podcast before I delete it in shame and fear pee like every other thing I have published online, I hope you will subscribe to it, download it, and share your thoughts on Twitter and on our website,  That way, I will be able to identify you by your IP address and dox you because you left truthful comments on my blog which are just as hurtful and cruel as someone leaving a bag of dogshit near my trash bin.

But I am not going to allow my life to be controlled by people who think they know what’s best for me.  Like those idiots who think it’s a bad idea to post pictures of my dying wife.  Who doesn’t love Rule 5?  Nor do my so-called friends get to decide FOR me if and how I continue to inflict myself on the world.  No.  The expert on me is me, and closure is drawing near.  Yes.  Closure.  Drawing.  Near.  8 days until relief.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

27 thoughts on “My So-Called Friends Need To Learn That the Expert on Me Is Me, And It's Always About Me.”

  1. Errr... not just your friends, Bill.

  2. His friends may have realized that "Holy Crap Batman we have been conspiring to commit and have committed Federal felonies." Are looking for a rock to hide under or a scapegoat to give up--most likely the goat.

  3. 8 days until relief. Relief. Like pissing yourself?

    Wait, that happened upon service of the summons...

  4. So, the expert on Bill is Bill. Well, then let's go to the tape and see just what kind of person Bill is, based on his own words:

    o He peed his pants when peacefully given a simple court summons.
    o He crapped his pants and told the world about it via the Internet.
    o He has driven away two wives, and more children and children-in-law.
    o He fell flat on his face just trying to pet his dog.

    Bill, you are a pitiful excuse of a human being. You are one of the only people who will make this world better by leaving it.

    1. Yes, Bill is the expert on Bill. That's why the best way to discredit him is to quote him. It's such a simple maxim that cannot be said enough.

  5. Ha! I figured you'd not be able to resist "improving" this latest Schmalfeldtian tirade.

    I suppose the one true redeeming quality of Bill Schmalfedlt is that he can be ridiculed in so many different ways that he's a never-ending font of FUN!!!

  6. Grim Weeper @EndTimesTribune · 8m 8 minutes ago
    In 8 days, the world will know what I know -- and can prove. Earlier, if my case is nolle prosequi.

    Grim Weeper @EndTimesTribune · 9m 9 minutes ago
    So, be careful what you wish for.

    Oh boy Paul, you must be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO scared! If I were you I'd pack a bag, piss my pants, and run for the hills. Big Bad Billy is coming for you.

    1. I'd hope that Carroll County wouldn't nolle prosequi this charge given that they've already given him a bye on those 367 "false" charges. I imagine they are working on the "fool me once" theory.

      I wish I didn't have class on Thursdays or I'd be taking a road trip. The 16th has a distinct chance of being quite interesting.

      1. Even if they do Nolle Pros this charge, for which they've already expended some noteworthy effort and treasure, it doesn't vindicate him; it only means the SA doesn't care enough to be bothered with him.

    2. If he has a case the best thing for bill to do is GO TO TRIAL not get nolle prosequi. As always the all caps is form bill.

  7. Lots of spectator accommodation still available in Westminster for the 15th to 17th.

      1. Willie the Weeper is doing the Lenni Lenape Indian Snow Blizzard dance right now.


        What a maroon!

  8. Lyrics from "Willie the Weeper":

    Have you heard the story, folks, of Willie the Weeper?
    Willie's occupation was a chimney sweeper,
    He had a dreamin' habit, he had it kind of bad,
    Listen, let me tell you 'bout the dream he had:

    Dreamed he bought a hound from a man that lived in Turkey,
    He told the gal who's dancing to make it kind of jerky,
    Danced until she wore the carpets off the floor,
    And said, you haven't done nothing, just do it once more!

    At the North Pole, someone shouted "Willie!"
    Turned around and saw a sight that knocked him silly.
    Right before him in the zero breeze,
    A cutie [?] dancing in his BVDs.

    He walked around, and his feet started freezin'
    Someone said, "Cutie, better listen to reason."
    Says, "I want my coffee, want it good and strong,
    I want to have biscuits eighteen inches long!"

    Now tell me, what would you do
    If you could have all of your dreams come true?
    There's something tells me that you'd lock your door
    Like Willie the Weeper, and cry for more.

    [Scatting and cackling]

    Now take my little ship, dream's about over,
    Called the best from up on the shore
    Hump on a camel, hump on a flea,
    Put them two humps together, you got nothing on me!

    Now tell me, what would you do
    If you could have all of your dreams come true?
    There's something tells me that you'd lock your door,
    Like Willie the Weeper, and cry for - please go 'way and let me sleep!
    Don't disturb my slumber deep,
    Something tells me that you'd lock your door,
    Like Willie the Weeper, and cry for more, more, more, more, more.

    Hey Willie.........Chain gang's a-comin'...........



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