A Not Entirely Pleasant Surprise

I have determined that if you pump a Blood on the Microphone or Liberal Grouch podcast to a wireless speaker outdoors, it drives away all animals, even down to insects. There is no bird poop on my deck, and there are no rodents after my vegetable garden.

But there are downsides.  It only keeps animals away as long as it’s playing, so you have to shut it off if you have a dog you need to let out or if you want to use the grill.  Some people, their ears bleed, some, their bowels go to liquid, others projectile vomit.  It’s worse than bird poop.

And if you play it too loud your garden will rot, so be very careful.

It may be worth it, but that’s up to you.  

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

12 thoughts on “A Not Entirely Pleasant Surprise”

  1. As a former radio DJ... I can tell you that ol Blobasaurus Flaccidus is about the WORST announcer in history. That his sorry excuse for a "broadcast" causes cancer, explosive diarrhea and genital herpes surprises me not a whit. EPIC Fail is about the only thing ol Fatass has mastered... EVAH!!

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  2. I know that the sounds emanating from the speakers have caused me to question if there actually is a God. Because all of God's creations are beautiful. Right? Right??!??!!!

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    1. Yes, but every now and then God needs to hand over the keys to an angel for a bit, and that's when you get yourself a duckbill platypus, e. Coli, and Bill Schmalfeldt.

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    2. Hey, guys- all kidding aside, Bill Schmalfeldt is one of God's children, and God desperately wants a relationship with him. His refusal to comport himself in a manner that would seem to respond to that wonderful gift is tragic. We mock him because of what he says. His record is open to inspection. But do not make light of what God has done or desires.

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      1. True, I do pray for his return to real belief in God, not just the shallow and facile form he presents daily. I pray for all of TK, that they will incorporate the three "R's" into their lives: Repentance, Reform and Redemption. May God grant them the grace to enter into that effort of salvation.

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  3. I use it to strip stucco off the apartment building. I have to be careful or is strips away the concrete block too. Just remember to stop at the metal lathing ... about 1.5 minutes for normal thickness stucco, 2 minutes max before you start eroding the concrete block. Works for stripping automotive paint too ... just be careful, it causes Bondo to liquefy and explode quite messily.

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  4. http://i.imgur.com/Z5Mniu7.jpg

    It makes complete sense if you ever bothered to actually listen to yourself you dumb mook.

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