We Are A Nation of Laws, Not of Men

And if  the law orders me not to have contact with someone because it has found my past behavior to be stalkerish and harassing, for fear of jail and without excuse, I would not piss on that person if he was on fire.

But that’s just me, respectin’ the legal laws an’ shit.

Also, if I were writing a self-serving bullshit letter to my political representatives screaming for rescue from a drowning room of fear pee, I might find it wise to mention the OTHER STATES where citizens have also been granted the sorts of restraining orders against me for past behavior also found to be stalkerish and harassing.  You know, control the narrative, so to speak, rather than have these politicians risk public excoriation because some fool told them lies of omission.

Here’s my little mental stage play:

Staffer E: Hey, Chief, I just got this email from a guy in Elkridge.  He sounds about as mentally organized as a bag of cats, but he may have a point.  Should we pass it up to the boss?

Chief of Staff G: Well, just to be safe, let’s Google the guy before we make that call.

Chief G whips out his phone and types while Staffer E and Staffers W, T and F look over his shoulder.  As “the Google” responds with pages of results, all Staffers’ jaws drop, eyes bug out.

Staffer W: What…

Staffer T: …the…

Staffer E: …ever-lovin’…

Staffer F: …Fuck!

Chief G:  E, burn that email!  Delete it from the server, reformat your hard drive.  Shut down, remove the hard drive, take it to the auto wreckers and have them demagnetize it with that big fuckin’ magnet they use to pick up cars.  Run over it with your car.  Six times.  No, ten. Put it in a Hefty Bag with 20 lbs of gravel and drop it in the river.  Then get a sledgehammer, come back here and destroy that computer.  I’ll requisition you a new one.

W, T, and F, you guys head for the basement, there should be an emergency eyewash station in the boiler room.  Use it.  Then all of you take the rest of the day off and get screaming drunk.  Do not ever mention this email in my presence, or the boss’s presence, or I will fire you and kill your dog.  If you don’t have a dog, I will buy you one as a going-away gift, wait six weeks for you to bond with it, and then kill it.

I hope I haven’t been unclear. Now, go. Go!



Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

84 thoughts on “We Are A Nation of Laws, Not of Men”

  1. If Seaman E.Ter would have only heeded my advice.

    Not THAT advice..the one where I told him to take writing tips from this blog.


  2. It seems that Bill does not control the narrative as well as he thinks that he does. Just sayin'.

  3. Bill won the copyright case? Who knew? What a fucking liar that man is. Lying to state senators. I'm sure someone is working on a letter this very moment with the proof that old Bill is, once again, lying to state officials. Good God that man is stupid.

    1. According to that screen cap, he lied about something as simple as copying Ben Cardin (unless I'm tired enough from working to pay taxes to support Shakey that I missed it).

    2. "I'm sure someone is working on a letter this very moment with the proof that old Bill is, once again, lying to state officials."

      Well, if someone is... here is a decent leaping-off point. This is only the tip of the iceberg, of course, but contains a lot of details and links to the harassment, stalking, threats, lies, and obsessive abuse of others courtesy of the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt.

      Bill Schmalfeldt -- "What if I choose NOT to give it a rest?"

      Bill Schmalfeldt Threats -- Popehat (Ken White, Patrick Frey, etc.)

      Harassment of Mr. and Mrs. McCain
      (Harassment of "Aaron Burr" in Comment Section)

      Stacy McCain Replies to Bill Schmalfeldt (Numerous Links)

      Peace Order Evidence

      Vexatious Peace Order Against Patrick Grady

      Vexatious Lawsuit Against Ten Individuals

      Vexatious Lawsuit Against Hoge/Johnson/Two John Does

      Illinois No-Contact Stalking Order

      Arizona Restraining Orders

      Copyright Infringement

      Copyright Infringement Settlement Agreement

      Copyright Infringement Settlement Agreement Violation

  4. Dear Mr. Schmalfeldt,

    Thank you for contacting us about your concerns with the wording of the Peace Order statute. We've carefully considered your suggestions, and we believe the far simpler solution would be for you to act like a marginally sane person and leave Mr. Hoge alone.

    1. hahahahaha Exactly, AJ! If he's even capable of it. Otherwise, he seriously should be unplugged - not even cell phone access to the internet. Even if the court doesn't order it - this time - one would think his caretaker would insist upon it. Especially once she starts writing those monthly checks, I suspect she'll demand it.

    2. Dear Mr Schmalfeldt,
      As your representive, I advise you to piss up a rope, Fuckstick.
      Yours Sincerely,
      A Polititian

      1. I heart so very, very much when words just fall out of your Zombie brain. (*mmmmm* Braaaaaaains)

        The names of the Staffers! Oh, my! LOLOLOL!

  5. http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k81/angelfury1212/Picture10522.gif

    Well done, per always, Oh Prince of Parody (may FUN be upon you)!

  6. That is epic! Teh funnies. AWESOME!!!!1!1!!ONE!!1 (sorry, I'm old school, I don't do eleventy.)

    Praise Krendler, may fbuh. (may fun be upon him.)

  7. Imitation is the sincerest form of failblogging! https://web.archive.org/web/20150218010929/http://www.theelkridgeinciter.blogspot.de/2015/02/a-guest-editorial-by-paul-pussy-krendler.html

    Chief G: This poor bastard has been Google Bombed. Look at all these websites that call him a deranged cyberstalker. Six or seven writers, at most. All right wing nut jobs.

    Hey, Blob! Ken White is no right winger by ant stretch of anyone's imagination. He's the former U.S. Attorney that nailed you like a tar shingle roof by following the well established truism that the best way to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt. .

    1. But, but, but, identity theft!!eleventy!! I thought it was a federal crime! Or is that only when a zombie is falsely alleged to have done it?

      1. The correct answer is "Fuck him."

        I parody him to hilarious effect, I'm unoriginal, footlongs and mayo not with standing (SWIDT?).

        I write something original & hilarious, well, it's just not very funny, so he has to copy it and drag it down with his tears and his whining PPPM puling.

    2. "Yes! Nuttier that [sic] squirrel shit. Look at these other websites that were not written by right wing shitheads."

      Okay! Let's look:

      Popehat ISN'T a right-wing website, and Ken White is NO WHERE CLOSE to being a right-winger.

      The Daily Kos WAS NOT created by a right-winger, and the VAST, VAST, VAST majority of posters and commenters over there are certainly NOT right-wingers -- and, THEY EVEN BANNED the Deranged Cyberstalker at least two times that I'm aware of.

      Oh. And The Examiner IS NOT right-wing, and the Deranged Cyberstalker was let go from there HOW MANY TIMES because he was just TOO MUCH TROUBLE (as stated in a letter to Blob releasing him from volunteering his garbage on their platform)?!

      Is the National Parkinson Foundation right-wing? Because from what I've heard, they explicitly told the Deranged Cyberstalker to STOP raising funds using their name because of the vile garbage they read that the demented freak was pumping out all over the intertubz.

      *tsk tsk tsk* LIAR. LIAR. PANTS ON FIRE... PER ALWAYS.

      And, good freaking grief. Get a load of this:

      "Let's see. Hmm. Took part in a voluntary brain surgery to see if a person in the earlier stages of Parkinson's could survive Deep Brain Stimulation,"

      NOW the story is the surgery was done to see IF HE COULD "SURVIVE" Deep Brain Stimulation. SURVIVE?!?

      Unreal. This demented freak lies every single time his sticky paws pound on his sticky keyboard.

      1. “Let’s see. Hmm. Took part in a voluntary brain surgery to see if a person in the earlier stages of Parkinson’s could survive Deep Brain Stimulation,”

        Wow, that's an out-and-out lie.

      2. Gotta wonder if Vanderbilt would agree that they admitted Blob into the clinical trial for DBS to see if he could...



      3. "Grace, it’s OK, we are here for you!

        We all know what a foul liar he is, let’s not let it get to us."

        WTHuh? LOL!

        I'm all good. Thanks.

    1. Well, with Blob in the klink -- maybe his "beloved" will finally have access to that computer he lives on, and can build a tribute site for HIM.

      "FREE WILLY!"

      1. So let me tell you, I am in LOVE with the care she is getting from [redacted per Mr. H's request for privacy].

        Funny, no mention of the [redacted] in the concern troll email to Mr. Hoge. Strange innit that Mr. NIH wouldn't have his wife enrolled in a FREE!!!! trial at NIH to get the best of care. Bill must not love his wife much.

  8. Chief G: This poor bastard has been Google Bombed. Look at all these websites that call him a deranged cyberstalker. Six or seven writers, at most. All right wing nut jobs.

    Uh, yea. 8th result:


    God he sucks at EVERYTHING.

    1. Six or seven writers, at most.

      Stacy McCain
      John Hoge
      Bill Schmalfeldt
      Lee Stranahan
      Michael Malone
      trollmockery (anon)
      Z-News Notes (anon)

      And that's only from the first 20 or so results.
      Bill lies again.

      1. Naaaah... you're in a class all by yourself, Oh Prince of Parody (may FUN be upon you).

        Er, I mean, yes, you must work much, much harder - our lulz need the exercise. We only have around eight weeks to get in shape for teh most EPIC lulzapalooza of teh stoopids EVAH! hahaha

      1. To clarify - hysterically funny that the blob thinks he has any talent for anything; just as funny that he wants to believe only non-liberals despise pretty much everything he says/does/is; and the metaphorical ass-kicking he keeps giving himself is the very funniest.

        What the adjudicated stalker thinks is "comedy," otoh, is absolutely horrifying. I can't believe anyone - left, right, center, apolitical, other - could look at that and not be disgusted; even shocked that such entities are allowed to roam unsupervised.

  9. "Dear Democrats of the Maryland State Assembly and Assorted Liberal Newspaper Types,

    We're all Democrats here, so we can talk. Well, there's the state's attorney that's hankering to prosecute me that I've cc'd on this e-mail to you because I'm cleverly building an insanity defence. Did you ever see "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest"? If I wasn't a 60 year old Vietnam-era veteran with Stage XLVIII Parkinson's Disease, I'd be the Indian. Except that I can't keep my mouth shut, which is sort of why I write you today.

    I get why stalking is bad when RWNJs (RIGHT WING NUT JOBS) do it, but it's different for progressives. When we do it, we expose things (Hooray for JOURNALISM!) Sure, more often than not, we expose things about the wrong people (or is it just me? Oopsie Poopsie!) but our motives are good! So stalking shouldn't be illegal for us, ammirite?

    Anyhow, I've been stalking having a political disagreement with someone in Westminster (BIZZARRO MARYLAND!). We've been suing one another and having a grand old time. Did I mention that I'm very lonely? My children loathe me and my captive nurse wife gets mad when I cry, which is most of the time because I'm a Democrat of the Parkinson's.

    Well, I found out last weekend that this fellow's wife has cancer, so I contacted him to offer my assistance and now I'm going to jail. It's almost as if he went to court three times to tell me that he didn't want my help, which - come to think of it - he did. That's Parkinson's dementia for you!

    I want the laws changed so that stalking is okay as long as you're not a ring-wing miscreant! Indeed, I progressives heroes should get a parade, not a jail sentence. Also, you should make it a crime to pick on anyone with three or more identifying characteristics of myself, William M. Schmalfeldt. Just because. And I would like Parkinson's counted twice, but fat (MORE OF ME TO LOVE) can only be counted once.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to dox some guy in Texas, one of the few remaining states that doesn't have a sinful and malevolent restraining order against me.

    Be well,

    William M. Schmalfeldt.

    1. Ha!

      Oh and has there been any more talk out of Team Cuckold.... Err... Team K about Mathew C. Ryan of Austin, TX? For about 10 minutes they were acting like they caught the Lindbergh Baby Kidnappers, the Grassy Knoll Shooter and D. B. Cooper at a Denny's with Bigfoot.

      I guess they have newer priorities now... Like deleting hard drives, burning papers and figuring out prison etiquette.

    2. http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k294/argorider/Emoticons%203/lmao.gif

      Thanks, Neal, I really needed that after seeing the the adjudicated stalker's "comedy" cover. Ewwww...

      One tiny correction, though, for your future efforts: I believe it was Pablo who uncovered the results of the DC³'s latest check-up. His condition has worsened, and his PD is now at Stage MCXLIARQWERTY.

      DC³ = demented cyberstalking confessed criminal (charges pending)

  10. Og god, here we go again. WIMIDAIAYF.


    Bill, haven't we gone over this before.... oh wait. (Not a safe link: https://parkyplace.wordpress.com/tag/jim-bohlen/) YOU have gone over this before to remind people you die WITH parkinsons not OF parkinsons. So stop crying that you're fucking dying. because In the end Bill.... we are all dying! All of us will eventually croak and end up as rotting meat and bones buried in the ground.

    Life... is a terminal disease.

    You are a special snowflake only in your head.

      1. What's terrific is the gentle inference that the guy died...from falling out of a chair...while - HORROR! - EXERCISING!!

        Lesson learned: sitting in chairs all day? Okay. Exercising? BIG NO-NO!! CUT THAT SHIT RIGHT OUT!!

  11. bwahahahaha Too, too funny. So, after he blocked his twitter, so that this tweet is only to his followers, he wrote:

    Bill Schmalfeldt @justplainbill15 · 14h 14 hours ago
    A NOTE TO THE STUPID -- this is the same account as weltschmerz2015. I just changed the name. Same account. New name. Got it? Thank you.
    0 replies 0 retweets 0 favorites

      1. I particularly appreciated how he addressed his few followers with "A NOTE TO THE STUPID" - more proof they're socks?

  12. "@justplainbill15: Poor stupid Grace. "The Examiner is NOT right wing." Oh, hebbins, no! Ask anybody! Duh. And Limbaugh is a commie. Duh."
    2/17/15, 8:06 PM

    Hey, Blob! Watch this (like I have to tell you to do that, you F5 Freak)!

    My bad. I was mistaken about "The Examiner." But, being mistaken doesn't make me "poor" nor "stupid." It makes me mistaken. Oh. And, this is an example of how a confident, intelligent, decent human being deals with being mistaken. They address it. Admit they made a mistake. Apologize, if necessary. And, they move on with a commitment to avoid ever making that same mistake again.

    You could certainly learn something from this exercise I have highlighted for you, Blobby Boy.

    But, truth be told -- only half of my statement concerning "The Examiner" was wrong. The part about them repeatedly kicking you to the curb because you are just too much freaking trouble to deal with (because... Deranged Cyberstalker) is absolutely, unequivocally correct. )You just hate that, don't you?)

    Now that my mistake (and, the part I was 100% right about) has been duly accounted for and addressed, I can move on to express my curiosity as to why you specifically chose NOT to address "Popehat." You very clearly screeched in a tweet:

    "@justplainbill15: And there's your challenge for tonight. Find a SINGLE website that talks bad about me that is not run by some right wing nut. Ready? Go."

    I did, but you chose to ignore it of course because... wait for it... wait for it... YOU ARE WRONG. However, unlike good-and-decent, normal folks -- you don't have the decency nor the strength of character to EVAH admit you are wrong.

    Sad, really.

    And, not to mention horribly destructive -- because this gargantuan character flaw of yours has gotten your demented, narcissistic butt in a whole mess of trouble. *tsk tsk*

    1. OH! OW!! OW-OW-OW-OW-OW!!!

      Strained LULZ muscle. Time toknock off for teh night and rezooms teh EPIC HALL OF FAME parody 2murroz.

      !1!11!ELENVETY!!1!!!1 (that's on purpose.)


      guess who?

  13. DING DING DING Called it! What a predictable, psychopathic move:

    Bill Schmalfeldt @justplainbill15 · 2m 2 minutes ago

    Maybe a state agency needs to look in on her, check her welfare, since Hoge obviously doesn't care about the poor woman.
    0 replies 0 retweets 0 favorites

      1. It appears that someone would really like to be in handcuffs by the close of business today.

    1. *SMFH*

      What could the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt even possibly have to report?

      "ZOMG!!! My obsessive stalking of HOOOOOOOGE and his family doesn't turn up a Twitter profile for the Mrs! And... and... and... she hasn't made a Facebook post in YEARS! Well, a post that I can see anyways because I'm not a Facebook friend of hers. But, because I am an "Investigative Journamalist" all of this obviously means she has no contact with the real world, and she is a prisoner in her own home! Wellness check! STAT!!!

      BTW -- I should probably mention that I am currently awaiting a judge to rule on contempt charges due my violations of a Peace Order HOOOOOOOGE has against me. And, just this past week I violated the Order AGAIN, and have a court hearing in April to determine if I'm going to jail or Spring Grove."

      But, by all means, Bill -- Go down swinging, dumbass. *popcorn*

  14. The crazy's coming hard this morning!


    Come on, William. Do that thing that's worked out so well for you already! It'll be funny.

    1. Well, he could always save everyone the effort and call an agency himself. Nevermind that "No contact, direct or indirect" thing - after all, he's just looking out for her best interests.

      1. It certainly wouldn't be the first time the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt has contacted an agency with bogus claims and accusations against the current object of his obsession.

        As Ken White of "Popehat" (You know -- That SINGLE website that the Blob "challenged" us to name that talks bad about him that is NOT some right-wing nut?) so accurately referenced him: DEMENTED FREAK.


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