Letter To the Mayor of Eugene, Oregon

Dear Mommy Mayor Piercy,

I’ve never been to your fine city, but I’ve read awfully nice things about it. In fact, it’s one of the few places that I haven’t worked, which is why I have no pension or 401K. And I have Parkinson’s Disease, which you’ll be hearing a lot about in my letter to you.

I write to you this morning because it appears that you have a trash collection problem. For years, I’ve been viciously stalked and defamed by one of your constituents, a Facebook friend of yours by the name of Dan Foreman! Please refer to the attached charts that lay out my investigative process in detail. You’ll be as convinced as I am. I’m actually probably entirely wrong, but let’s pretend that I’m not for the moment.

I’m a war hero with Stage XLVIII Parkinsons. I can’t work, walk or even drive car. I haven’t made sweet, sweet love to my wife since the mid to late aughts. The dementia is now so bad that I forget that I’m demented and start investigating the evil stalkers who call me demented, which is how you came to my attention.

Foreman, who is your best friend in the whole world, even impersonated my COUSIN for several years. My noted legal scholarship, along with that guy on AVVO, the one who doesn’t think I’m a crazed turd, informs me that this is a felony. A felony that you abet through City Hall!

Do you know why he and a cabal of right-wing thugs are persecuting, hounding and bullying me like they did to esteemed Professor Deb Frisch, Ms. Piercy. They’re doing it because I have a most excellent friend who just happened to repeatedly bomb a small town in Indiana in the 1970s, which was a long time ago. And he’s a good Democrat now, just like you and me! Except I’m a disabled veteran with Parkinson’s who only drops bombs in my pants, and I don’t think you spend all day cursing at a computer monitor.

But I demand that the bullying stop! I’ve had enough! ENOUGH, I say! I want “Cousin Roy” to grab his ankles, and you can make Foreman do it! I found him. Now you must finish him!

You don’t want you city taken away, do you, Your Honor? I don’t want to have to do it, but I will. I will issue a press release and make a video telling everyone the truth about you, “Cousin Leroy” and all of Eugene! I may even write 12 books about it! It WILL be worse than Watergate. Your name will forever be tied with shame in history, Kitty!

You might be asking, “What does this fine, disabled veteran want?”

I want it ALL, Kitty! I want you to send Dan to me. Strip him of his citizenship and send him to my trailer. And most importantly, unfriend him on Facebook this instant! There will be dire consequences for you if I don’t have evidence that you have done these things by close of business, eastern time! Tomorrow I send everything I have to the WisconsinOregon media.

Be well,

William M. Schmalfeldt,
Elkridge, Maryland.

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

71 thoughts on “Letter To the Mayor of Eugene, Oregon”

  1. ROFL LOL LOL LOL

    Oh Prince of Parody (may FUN be upon you), that post should have come with a warning, and no doubt is forbidden in several states. Especially MD. hahaha

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  2. Who else thinks the adjudicated stalker has already copied Paul's post into an email to the mayor and sent it without edit or addition?

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    1. Hell, he probably signed it...it's better writing, and more to the point, than any of his scribings.

      (Good morning, Cousin Bill. Do things seem as...certain, in the cold, cool, gray light of morning? Why don't you call Dan, see what he thinks?)

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  3. "I want it all Mayor......or else"
    I can't wait to read the letter the Blob sends!! Please Please post it!! Share the success of your latest successful dox with us Bill;) Let us read all the correspondence between you and Mr. Foreman & his bestest bud the Mayor.

    #JeSuisCousinRoy

    #JeSuisCousinRoy

    #JeSuisCousinRoy

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  4. Dear Judge Holland:

    I am also going to be sending letters to a mayor in Oregon.
    Please don’t be jealous, my mayo drenched hot dog still belongs to you.

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    1. Condensed version:

      Cousin Bill noticed that I, Cousin Roy Schmalfeldt, link to a certain website that links to multiple other websites, all of which are concerned with documenting a certain cyberstalker who was active from 2006-2010, and who is back on the web for the past year, after being released from probation.

      He then found someone on Facebook who pushes back against current efforts by that same cyberstalker.

      In a brilliant flash of, well, something, he decided that person, Dan Foreman, must be Roy Schmalfeldt, and spent the rest of the evening leaving phone messages for that person, trying to justify why Dan Foreman *simply must* be Roy Schmalfeldt, and trying to get Lickspittles to spill the non-existant beans.

      A good time was had by the assembled Lickspittlerati.

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    2. I will probably miss a chucklesome event or three, but I'll attempt a brief synopsis of the latest schmeldtdown:

      The DRAHBS revived his deleted witter account, still protected, and added to his tweet count for a while. Then he unprotected the account, and faildoxed Cousin Roy as two different Dan Foremans in Oregon. The Dan he settled on, but almost immediately began addressing as Don, is a hometown fellow to Deb Frisch and member of Gerbil Nation. This proooooves he is also Roy, because Roy links debfrisch.com and occasionally mentioned Frisch, back when she was more of a thing. Oh, also, Dan Foreman is fb friends with the mayor of Eugene, where he and Frisch live, so DRAHBS declared his intention to write a LETT-URRRRR!!!!

      So, yeah. Then it was time to re-protect his dumb, stupid, idiotic, and frankly psychotic tweets. Again.

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      1. Oh, no. No, no, no. Deb Frisch is decidedly NOT a member of the Gerbil Nation. She was the *target* of the GN.

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  5. I love it!

    But what I love more is the idea that the Ham Beast of Elkridge is wiping the sweat from his face with a paper towel and smearing the phlegm that's covering his computer screen from his FURY. I imagine this was the routine: he woke up, checked his adult diaper, waddled to the bathroom, kicked his dog, peed blood, waddled back to the bed to give his wife an Irish kiss, and turned on his computer -- nearly having a heart attack at the shenanigans occurring on-line.

    LICKSPITTLES!!! LICE!!! KHAAAAAAN-- damnit I mean, --- KRENNNNNNNNDLER!!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGE!!!!!!! Wable garble shnarble flaker!!!!! Blargh!!!! Shabooopy!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

    Oh Ham Beast....... oh you fat failure of a man. Let. It. Go.

    Stop bothering people who have NO CONNECTION to the wild fantasies running through your head. Or are you TRYING to collect peace orders in all 57 states? Just let it go.

    And stop creeping on the children. You disgusting pedophile.

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    1. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=irish+kisses

      Just.

      Wow. Imagery. Brain. Hurt.

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  6. Never smart, always entertaining. Good Lord, he never ceases to amaze at how much more humiliation he can bring on himself.

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    1. Well, he's back banging on the Dan Foreman drum this morning.

      However, Roy Schmalfeldt is but a single person, one with a pretty good idea how to lay a false cybertrail.

      Enjoy the LULZ, people. It can't last forever.

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    2. Dan Foreman is a pretty common name - there are probably a dozen of them in Oregon, alone.

      I like Oregon, it's one of our favorite vacation destinations. Winters are too dreary for me, though.

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    3. Holy crap, he does! The two Dans, in different towns, that don't even look anything alike.

      Also, if you scroll back a ways, he's bothering some leftwing hairstylist lady in SF he thinks is Grace, because her actual name is Grace.

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  7. Incidently, Rule 5 Wife sends her kindest regards to all, for the LULZ extracted by the Lickspittle Zombies last night.

    Her LULZ muscles were well exercised, as were mine.

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      1. No, no email conversation.

        I use my real name, but have carefully groomed my web presence so no clues to my whereabouts are left lying about.

        I don't use any of the social media sites. I don't own any property in my own name, so I don't appear in any accessible government databases, and my drivers license is is a state that doesn't publish the DMV databases.

        All my phones are under corporate ownership.

        I surf the web via a computer I built myself, with MAC addresses that change every time the device is powered, running nested VMs, and I use web access that belongs to coffee shops, corporations, etc. I always transit a TOR before visiting a website.

        I value my privacy, and I, fortunately, have the time, the resources, and the technical acumen to be "off the grid", privacy wise.

        You'll note I rarely post links, mostly because it is difficult to type in all the ascii necessary to make that happen.

        Finally, I use a web browser I wrote myself, just so I know it won't "leak" any real information. Indeed, it uses a different spoof profile for each website I visit in a single session.

        Neal Rauhauser thinks he's a hacker. I'm the real deal, and have been for thirty-plus years.

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      2. I bow before your clear mastery. Programming since the 70s, online since the 80s, a CCIE since the 90s, and I haven't got the chops you have. Kudos, sir.

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      1. That can't be correct cos -
        https://twitter.com/weltschmerz2015/status/562270536538288128

        And we all know the freakshow's word is his bond, and his word can always be relied - bwahahahaha Sorry, couldn't even finish writing that out about the known, repeatedly proven LIAR.

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  8. Since High Commander of the Fleet and Lord Admiral Ham Sandwich wants to play Navy fuck fuck games about ratings lets play fuck fuck games about ratings. I may have to speak SLOWWWWWWWWWLY because he managed to only climb as high as a JO2 and fuck if they don't know EVEEEEEEEEEEERYTHING about what Navy every rating does.

    Anyways, Lord Ham Sandwhich, why would the Navy have both SONAR TECHNICIANS (ST-G and ST-S) whose sole purpose was working on shipboard and submarine based sonar systems and then have Ocean Systems Technicians (OT) who you also claim only "fixed sonar?"

    Oh wait.... http://www.iusscaa.org/BPNOTE_1.pdf (classified)

    Oh wait.... Integrated Undersea Surveillance System (IUSS)? Well what could that be???? And what could an OT posisbly do??

    "OTs operate analysis, localization, correlation, resource allocation, communications, and display equipment associated with the Integrated Undersea Surveillance System (IUSS) for the analysis, evaluation, and interpretation of acoustic data for operational use. They evaluate equipment operation, locate and analyze equipment casualties, and make repairs and adjustments. They align, maintain, supervise the maintenance of IUSS equipment Ts are divided into two categories: (1) Ocean Systems Technicians (Analyst) (OTAs) and (2) Ocean Systems Technicians (Maintainer) (OTMs). Some of their specific responsibilities are reflected in the next paragraph. The OTAs operate the analysis, localization, correlation, resource allocation, communication, and display equipment associated with the IUSS for the analysis, evaluation, and interpretation of acoustic data for operational use. On the other hand, the OTMs perform preventive and corrective maintenance at the organizational level on IUSS digital and analog equipment"

    Well Fuck me running Journalist Second Class Petty Officer Pig Fucker who was kicked out of the Navy for failing height/weight standards and the newly implemented Physical Fitness Test!

    How about that...... so if the guy was an OT-A he was an analyst and not just a "soar fixer" but fuck what would a JO know about TECHNICAL RATINGS. i mean all you had to do was type up PAO dispatches and fetch coffee like a bitch.

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  9. Bill Schmalfeldt @weltschmerz2015

    And OT's were not spies. They fixed stuff like sonars. I think getting the name of your rating wrong means something. pic.twitter.com/pWXW2GBe7g

    Yeah maybe he was digging bodies out of the rubble in Lebanon instead?

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    1. And if Bill had actually checked facts (yeh, like that would be something a journamlist would ever do!) he would have found out that OTs initially were to repair and operate NAVFAC sonar systems, but were later spilt into maintainers (presumably the repair folks) and analysts (the operators) up through senior chiefs.

      It took me a whole 2 minutes to find that out online. You'd think a Navy guy would have already known that!

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      1. As a seismic signal processor I was offered many times an OT rating and a considerable amount of pay to be on civilian ships HOTASS briefly mistaken by the late novelist in that epic first novel he had - Clancy - that's the name but these ships still highly classified towed miles of airgun type sonar receivers. And that was in the 80's.

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  10. Is everyone screen capping these latest journalistic attempts to harass people - its against the law in Oregon to post personal information without express permission, Oregon has some of the strictest harassment laws in the Country and aggressively pursue people like heir Untermeyerwarepants https://www.oregonlegislature.gov/bills_laws/ors/ors163.html

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    1. The Deranged Cyberstalker, Adjudicated (and, admitted) Harasser, Adjudicated Stalker, and all-around Demented Freak Bill Schmalfeldt couldn't manage to haul his gelatinous ass to the state of Illinois to defend his sociopathic antics. So, I'd wager a trip to the state of Oregon would be out of the question entirely.

      But, by all means... double down on that stoopid, Blobby Boy!

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  11. I apologize for not getting this, I guess Bill may have disappeared some posts, perhaps. But how, exactly, did he link Don or Dan Foreman with Roy? I don't see what the connection is, other than sharing links.

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      1. Bill Schmalfeldt @weltschmerz2015

        Ya keep peeling at an onion, you find it has more layers.

        No, when you peel an onion, our eyes fill up with tears of laughter

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      1. And I was never in in the Navy, or any other branch of the armed services.

        Had to turn down an appointment to West Point, for health reasons. One of my saddest days...

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  12. I can't tell...where did he get the navy stuff? Is it from Corvallis Dan, or Eugene Dan, or some other Dan or Don Foreman? Regardless, Oceanographic Systems Technician is totally, completely, incredibly different from Ocean Systems Tech, and using one for the other is definitely prooooooooof that the author never served, nevermind in that particular rating.

    Hee.

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    1. Corvallis Dan. Has BM indeed decided that the two Dans are the same? And he keeps addressing Krendler, but he's also stated on many occasions that he just knows that Krendler is Grady, and given the PO/RO in IL, wouldn't that be a violation, whether or not they are the same person, given that BM has been told not to write to or about Grady? (And he's written/tweeted about Grady specifically a few times lately too.

      The crazy is strong with the Big BM the last few days. Someone really needs to take away that boy's internet.

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      1. Well, Eugene Dan specializes in that sort of thing, much to Dr. Frisch's dismay. Given the pending MD ruling, there's likely to be multiple states banning the Elkridge Horror from the internet.

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  13. Well, Willy just flushed the toilet, and much of the Don, er, Dan Foreman pics and such are gone. Along with his "stolen valor" accusations.

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    1. He also memory holed that poor woman's pictures who he wrongly doxxed as Grace.

      Moron.

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      1. I can still see them, along with the pictures of Dan Foreman's house (or at least the house alleged to belong to a Dan Forman).

        Which reminds me, I need to call my hairstylist for a long overdue trim....

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    2. Since we are kinda basically neighbors, LG, I'll DM my digits to ya. I'd be more than happy to offer my services, if your hairstylist can't get you in. 😉

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    3. Well, nice to know relentless mockery is good for something other than just the FUN.

      Sometimes, it can convince this idiot douchebag to only bother a couple of innocent random people alone for a little while. Until he fixates on some other random Dans or Graces.

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  14. "Now, the question we should be asking ourselves, why would a lying scumbag hide behind so many different layers? Nothing is truly secret."

    I don't know why a lying scumbag would do such a thing. Perhaps you should ask Neal Rauhauser next time you see him.

    An honest, truthful person, such as myself, does it because he values his privacy, not because I have any secrets.

    Just a happy coincidence that it makes cyberstalkers sweat and howl at the moon...

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  15. "You unwrap a "Roy Schmalfeldt," and there's a "Leroy Oddswatch." You unwrap a Leroy Oddswatch, and there's a Dan Foreman. You unwrap a..."

    Keep it straight, Slow Bill.

    "Leroy Oddswatch" was a pseudonym that Roy Schmalfeldt used for a while.

    Dan Foreman has nothing to do with either of them.

    Still stupid, after all these years. Tard.

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  16. "I wonder who ELSE "Cousin Roy" will turn out to be?"

    You may well wonder, Cousin Bill.

    But, consider this - what if everything I've ever said to you was true? What then?

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