Let's Play A Game

Just for goofs and giggles, let’s have a little fun with one of those corny icebreaker games.

In the comments, list five things about yourself. At least one thing must be true. We have to figure out the one true thing. Before you can start guessing, you must post your own list.

I’ll go first.

1. I’m not married.
2. I am currently an elected member of my local government.
3. I own my own business.
4. My mother was a hamster and my father smelled of elderberries.
5. We Jewish zombies do no marauding during Shabbat.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

152 thoughts on “Let's Play A Game”

  1. 1. I attended Julia Green Elementary School in Nashville, Tennessee.

    2. I went through Basic Training at Ft. Bragg.

    3. Je parle Français.

    4. Tôi nói tiếng Việt.

    5. I have a patent.

    1. 1. I am not on Twitter.
      2. I am on Twitter.
      3. I am not HOWARD Earl.
      4. I am HOWARD Earl.
      5. I live under the Hoges' dining room table.

      I guess that all of John's are TRUE, because he is a shining star in the firmament! HOGE AM LAW!

  2. 1. I am not an agent, I just write books for the C.I.A.

    2. The Academy, Class of '72.

    3. I spent ten months in traction, another year learning to walk again.

    4. I am not Howard Earl

    5. I once rented a Huey for 2 million dollars.

  3. 1. My hobby is crafting paper airplanes and flying them from monuments.
    2. I'm clairvoyant.
    3. I graduated from culinary school.
    4. My eyes are two different colors.
    5. My paternal great grandmother had an affair with Wyatt Earp.

    1. 1. Where were you on 9-11? Oh, wait...nevermind!
      2. So tell me, did I guess this one?
      3. What's the Colonel's secret recipe?
      4. Black and blue?
      5. Could you be more specific? Russell, Costner, Lancaster, Garner, Fonda, Stewart, Scott, McCrea, Flynn, Madison, or O'Brian?

    2. If #4 is true, I deduce that you are married, you live in a trailer park, your husband is a very sick man, and you are using the computer without his knowledge.

  4. Previous comment was clearly a joke, so this time I will be serious.

    1. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.
    2. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.
    3. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets.
    4. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking,
    5. I like cats.

  5. 1. None of us were born in the same time zone.
    2. One of us used to work as an editor.
    3. One of us used to work as a teacher.
    4. None of us have the same color hair.
    5. One of us just rolled a natural 20.

  6. 1. I have lived at 213 Lincoln Street, Lemont Illinois 60439.
    2. For 13 years I worked at Argonne National Laboratory.
    3. I graduated from Andrews University in 1991.
    4. I have lived at 2900 Newberry Road, Waterford Michigan 48329.
    5. My dogs are named Kiko and Kodi.

  7. 1. I circumnavigated the Earth in less than 9 months
    2. I have been to Panmunjom and straddled North and South Korea
    3. Aya ta pa pakhto khabarey kawalai shey? I can.
    4. I have run for public office
    5. I ran two half marathons 30 days apart coming in the top 25% (age group and gender) both times

  8. 1. I have to put two legal names and an AKA on a security clearance form.
    2. My first pet was a turtle.
    3. I've had artwork put on display.
    4. I've held elected office.
    5. I love Wagnerian opera.

    1. 1. No fewer than eight Prince songs were written about me..
      2. I am over six feet tall.
      3. I have not set foot in the United States in the last 15 months.
      4. I am an Australian Member of Parliament
      5. I am really Bill Schmalfeldt.

      Because I'm sneaky, more than one of these things are true.

      1. 1. True
        2. False
        3. Plausible
        4. False
        5. This one is hard because, you know.. conspiracy and tinfoil.

        1. 1. False. Only three were. I told him what it sounds like when doves cry.
          2. True.
          3. True, It's been sixteen months.
          4. I decline to answer.
          5. I'd love to say yes, because it's probably freeing to be the crazy, but false.

    2. Who doesn't love Wagnerian opera? And I, too have to put two legal names and an AKA on my security clearance form.

      Sine I didn't have a turtle as a pet, but I *did* have a desert tortoise as a pet, does this mean that I am librarygrffon? More similarities! Gadzooks!

  9. 1. I can eat a entire canned ham without opening the can.
    2. I have a tattoo of Sammy Davis Jr.
    3. I used to work on commercials for Golden Grahams cereal.
    4. I went to school with Molly Ringwald.
    5. I once rented a Huey, but he only cost 20 bucks and I rode him all the way to the top of Kettle Hill.

    1. 1. So can I. Mrs. Z opens it for me.

      2. I have a jar of severed thumbs.

      3. I have a niece who did a print ad for Life Cereal. Kind of ironic, since I am undead.

      4. I've been to the school where Molly Ringwals filmed "The Breakfast Club."

      5. My parents rented Huey Lewis and the News to play at my bar mitzvah.

      1. 1. LIES!!!! There aren't enough pork brains in canned ham to interest a zombie.
        2. Possibly true, you can never have enough thumbs.
        3. On the fence. Maybe she worked in the copy department.
        4. MORE LIES!!! No high school contains enough brains to interest zombies.
        5. LICKSPITALIAN IN IT'S BASIS IN FALSEHOOD!!!!1!1!!! Those are the names of donald Ducks nephews.

  10. 1. I make balloon animals at children's parties.
    2. I have a goldfish named Mr.Limpet.
    3. I have had five legal surnames.
    4. I still live in my hometown.
    5. I know how to change the oil in my car.

  11. 1. Dropped acid with Stephen Hawking.
    2. I have a cat named Schrodinger.
    3. I live in a house at Bags End.
    4. Used a USGS satellite to pictures of women sunbathing.
    5. Aced an Ichthyology lab final exam after drinking 6 beers.

      1. The cat seems to exist in a superposition zombie-like state of being both alive and dead at the same time. Of course, this becomes untrue when it's feeding time. 🙂

  12. 1. People used to call me "Mr. Mayor".
    2. I was adrift at sea for 34 days.
    3. I have an Amateur Extra class license.
    4. I have Kate Upton's cell number.
    5. I once killed a man, just to watch him die.

  13. 1. I used to live in a place that was called "The Secret City" and I knew from the time I was a baby that we were in the top 5 places that the Soviet Union was going to nuke should they release their arsenal upon the U.S.

    2. I am a visual mathematician just like Albert Einstein.

    3. I have both a husband and a boyfriend. i am also a grandmother.

    4. I am an avid performer of Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. My favorite parts to sing are Katisha and The Nurse.

    5. I used to perform a very important function known as "Lists Mistress" in a world-wide extracurricular group.

      1. I haven't been to Pensic since XXI when I was staying with Myrkfaellin. Jobs, babies, lack of money in various combinations have gotten in the way since then.

      2. I remember when the East included Æthelmearc and Drachenwald. CT is pretty central, and it was still an 8-10 hour drive to Pennsic.

        Of course I've also found that as I get older, distances seem to get greater. I guess I just don't have quite the capacity for sitting in the car for 10 hour straight drives that I used to.

  14. Can we play more than once? This is fun!

    1. I was named after the last Kaiser of Germany.
    2. A famous Bible verse mentions me by name.
    3. I have been within 30 miles of Patrick Grady.
    4. I participate in orgies at least once every eight weeks.
    5. Kylie Minogue was a year ahead of me at school.

  15. Okay, I can't resist ....

    1. I used to be a human rights lawyer.
    2. The state of Virginia once paid to get me raging drunk.
    3. I am a prettier lady than Bruce Jenner.
    4. I am Rob Ford.
    5. I have had girlfriends in more than three American states.

  16. 1. I can't believe they killed Jeremy on the Vampire Diaries.
    2. I won the 1991 Indianapolis 500
    3. I cursed at the Secretary of the Defense and made him laugh about it.
    4. I have been to Japan and screwed a tranny on stage.
    5. I am Howard Earl.

    1. 1. I have no idea what the Vampire Diaries are, but sure.
      2. False.
      3. True.
      4. True. I hear it happens a lot.
      5. False.

  17. 1. I once ate a whole Quarter Pounder with Cheese in one bite.
    2. I once was among a group of several thousand people who jointly held the world's record for Most People to Play a Game of Musical Chairs.
    3. I made it to the fourth round.
    4. In 1994, I ate a piece of the World's Largest Sheet Cake.
    5. I am Iron Man.

      1. 1. False, physically impossible.
        2. True.
        3. True.
        4. False, In 1994, you were under ten years old.
        5. Plausible.

  18. 1. I have been to PanMunJom and straddled the DPRK/ROK line, but I am not Harkonnen.
    2. I am over six feet tall, but I'm not Neal N. Bob.
    3. I know how to change the oil in my car, but I'm not bnonny.
    4. I had a pet turtle, but I'm not LibraryGriffon.
    5. I have lived in Waterford, MI, but I'm not paralleldino.

  19. 1. I have eaten fried scorpions and peppered fried intestines.

    2. I have an Amateur Extra Class License.

    3. I have successfully argued before the U.S. Supreme Court.

    4. I am a farmer.

    5. I am an ORSAPod.

    1. 1.true
      3. Who hasn't?
      4. true,

  20. I suppose this is kind of obligatory...

    1. I am Lynn Thomas
    2. I am Andrew Ballard
    3. I am Roy Schmalfeldt
    4. I am Howard Earl
    5. I am Mathew C. Ryan

    And, hell, while I'm at it..

    6. I am Eric Schultz
    7. I am Patrick Grady
    9. I am Spartacus
    10. I am drunk

  21. 1) I fly my Gulfstream G550 around the world to attend the very BEST parties and events.
    2) I only golf 6 days per week
    3) I was born in the midwest, but make my home in sunny south Florida
    4) I live in a tin can, in a tin can village of which I was voted the Leader
    5) I really think Brett Kimberlin is great man who is often misunderstood

  22. Okay, one more. I know I should stop, but I can't.

    1. I've been in a bar with Mick Jagger and Ron Wood of the Rolling Stones.
    2. I have dressed as a woman on stage in Japan and a fat guy fucked me. .
    3. Hubert H. Humprey was at my christening.
    4. I met someone that froze to death less than a week later.
    5. I am the walrus.

  23. 1) I competed at the agility trials at Westminster Kennel Club this year.
    2) I spend more than $15K each on my dogs per year.
    3) My dogs' photos have been used as samples of their breeds in national dog magazines.
    4) My "puppy" was the youngest dog of its breed to earn an AKC agility title.
    5) My spouse thinks I spend too much time and energy on our dogs.

    1. 1 is false since your typing indicates that you're not a dog.

      I'll say the rest are true,

        1. I have not, but it wouldn't surprise me that such a thing exists.

          Did I mention this?


  24. I'll have another go—

    1. I cut my first master lacquer record on a Neumann disk mastering system.
    2. I have driven faster than 160 mph on a public highway in North America.
    3. My first amateur radio call sign was KB3GHE.
    4. I qualified as an expert marksman with the BAR.
    5. I voted for Ralph Nader for President.

    1. 1. That's likely Mrs. Hoge,
      2 Who hasn't?
      3. True.
      4. True.
      5. For some reason, I actually buy that.

      1. 1. False. It was a Scully/Westrex system.
        2. The Porsche only made it to 154 mph.
        3. That's my son's call sign.
        4. I fired the BAR for familiarization but not qualification in training and didn't bother with paperwork in Viet Nam.
        5. True. Living in Maryland, voting for W was a worthless exercise, but if Nader had received enough votes, the Greens would have qualified for federal matching money. That would have been FUN!

      1. Calling BS Paul. That's over 270 miles, and I-75 just isn't fit for 200+ for more than maybe 1/3 of the way.

  25. 1. I'm an avid fisherman.
    2. I've met at least one living US President.
    3. I regularly go to Mexico
    4. I have been stopped by police after leaving a bar.
    5. In college, I air-guitared on stage with a famous band.

    1. 1. False.
      2. True.
      3. True.
      4. I was once stopped by the police after leaving a bar in Mexico, so true.
      5. True.

  26. 1. I was one of the referees at Royal Rumble XII.
    2. I won Royal Rumble XII.
    3. I announced Royal Rumble XII.
    4. I have no idea what Royal Rumble XII is.
    5. I enjoy writing Royal Rumble XII.

  27. 1. I own a set of handcuffs.
    2. I was born in a small town and I can breathe in a small town.
    3. My childhood neighbour went on to be convicted of the murder of her lesbian lover's husband.
    4. Cities with less than a million people make me deeply nervous. The odd exception to that rule is San Francisco.
    5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDoIM1dRzGo

  28. I owned an American Motors Pacer.
    I loaned it to the people who made Wayne's World and they didn't return it.
    I served a year at Leavenworth.
    I was born in a place (not a building- the location itself) that no longer exists
    My other house is an igloo.

  29. One more:

    1. I've seen the Aurora Borealis and the Aurora Australis in the same year
    2. I watched the Space Shuttle land at Edwards AFB - twice
    3. I've met Mike Durant, Leroy Petry, Salvatore Giunta and Basil Plumley
    4. I have watched a Ferrari and a Lamborghini crash on a highway
    5. In the span of 10 years I have been physically on scene during the following natural disasters:
    a. wild fire
    b. flood
    c. landslide
    d. tornado
    e. blizzard
    f. hurricane
    g. earthquake
    h. volcanic eruption

  30. 1. I currently own well over a thousand books.
    2. I once sat at a fire talking about Hollywood and the good things there for hire with Marlon Brando and Pocohontas.
    3. The carpet matches the drapes.
    4. I was the (Not Was) in What (Not Was).
    5. Seth Allen is my second cousin.

  31. 1. I was born in Hollywood
    2. I have been an alligator catcher
    3. I can speak camel.
    4. I am a certified diver in two elements.
    6. I My college has at least two mascots.

  32. 1. I was born and raised in California.
    2. I enlisted in the Navy and served in Seal Team Three... eventually serving time in both Iraq and Afghanistan.
    3. I have assembled and disassembled nuclear weapons... and become an SME to train others to work on nuclear weapons.
    4. I play bass guitar in a band called "Biskut Kannon"
    5. I am an artist and comic book creator.

      1. 1. Partially True
        2. Partially True... not a SEAL, but was in the Navy and have three years under my belt in Iraq and Afghanistan.
        3. True
        4. Partially True. "Biskut Cannon" is the joke name for our jam session group that I play bass for.
        5. True

  33. 1. I'd lived in 10 houses before I turned 9
    2. I got my award of arms in 1993.
    3. I've been a professional vocalist.
    4. I didn't learn to drive until I was 24.
    5. I'm a member of the Triple Nine Society.

  34. 1)I host a regular sports radio show.

    2) I own 19 chickens -- and give out handy advice on domestic chicken raising online.

    3) My favorite dog is Charlie, and my favorite sport is wrestling. Only one of them is fixed.

    4) My son looks older than I am, and lives in Lake Charles, Louisiana.

    5) Dad lives in Ponchatoula, Louisiana.

  35. And one more round—

    1. I was the foreman of a jury that convicted a child molester.
    2. I am an Eagle Scout.
    3. I prefer Colt revolvers to Smith & Wesson.
    4. While I can sing baritone parts, I am more comfortable as a second bass.
    5. I hold FCC licenses in more than one radio service.

    1. true,
      almost true, that unfortunate suspension bridge incident in '54..........
      I didn't know they sold those guns to men,
      I think IN KEY is more relevant

  36. I am/was a concert violaist
    I attended 5 colleges/Universities in 4 cities
    I taught college while attending in my major
    I laid off one of my Professors from his 30 year day job while a student in his night class
    I worked or attended meetings with two of the Bush brothers while in the oil industry

  37. 1. I've driven an LA class submarine.
    2. I've written a scientific paper in a field I know nothing about which has been published.
    3. I've assisted (read, done grunt work) on medieval archaeological digs.
    4. I've had my picture in a national newspaper.
    5. I've walked across the Iowa River.

      1. Not bad, only two wrong. (Though you're right about 2, I had to completely rewrite someone's paper for a conference proceedings. I have no idea what he was talking about and neither did anyone else, including those who'd been at the conference. I don't know the subject at all, but at least by the time I was done it was in coherent English. We sent the original author the paper, asked if it was OK, he never got back to us, so that's what's in the proceedings. People are probably citing it in research papers now.)

  38. 1. I was sentenced to 50 years in federal prison.
    2. I once sold pot to Dan Quayle.
    3. I am taller than 5'2".
    4. I much prefer having sex with prepubescent girls to grown women.
    5. I've got a body count of no less than 2.

  39. 1. I already posted my list using my real identity.
    2. After inviting nine college and army buddies over last night, unannounced, the junkie skank sent me to KFC for $114.00 of chow.
    3. I once stood less than eight feet away from Bill Schmalfeldt.
    4. I once stood less than two feet away from both G.H.W. Bush and G.W. Bush at different times.
    5. I once drove a CUCV in reverse for fifteen miles.

  40. 1. I live in Oregon
    2. My nickname is "Fast Eddy".
    3. I was born the day Castle Bravo was tested.
    4. My other nickname is "da bomb"
    5. I used to be a nice old lady.


  41. Since this is so much FUN—

    1. I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
    2. I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges.
    3. I have the feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.
    4. I'll be back.
    5. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

  42. 1. I took Grace, Jane, and librarygryffon to dinner and only paid for two meals.
    2. I worked closely with Grace Hopper, but I was an embryo at the time.
    3. I killed Osama Bin Laden
    4. I killed Liberty Vance
    5. I fought the law and the law won.

    1. Yes. Yes, you did, AV.

      And, after the next hearing we are both able to attend, the meal is on us... er... me... um... us.

  43. 1. I have a hyphenated first name.
    2. One of my favorite songs is "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet."
    3. I share the same area code as a Team Free Speech blogger.
    4. I am a very vocal opponent of Obamacare.
    5. I have attended at least one hearing involving a Team K goon.

    Bonus: I am not Howard Earl, but I am one of two commenters on Hogewash! with which he has shared his true identity.

    Bonus Bonus: My favorite color is yellow, I enjoy long strolls on the beach, and I love puppies and rainbows.

      1. 1. false= It would be a waste of booze on a zombie
        2. false= Rain hampers the zombies ability to smell flesh and the noise would confuse him
        3. true= You could latch on to a Schmalfeldt type
        4. false= See answer 1
        5. false= That much damage to the brain would kill a zombie. As Bill Schmalfeld however, it would be a vast improvement.

  44. 1. I invented Sirius radio until the "Suits" got me
    2. I have been fired from Liberaland
    3. I was fired by the most liberal blog in the universe 3 times
    4. I won a lawsuit when I had to remove a book from sale
    5. I am the only one that Karoli wrote an positive article about yet blocked me within 24 hrs

  45. 1. I am late to the game.
    2. I have no corporeal presence.
    3. I am both unborn and undead.
    4. I violate Heisenburg, Occam, Hanlon, Godwin and Murphy by my very existence.
    5. I am male.

  46. 1. I had sex with my highschool girlfriend in four states, simultaneously, when we were on a California to New York road trip.

    2. I have seen a live donkey show in Nogales. They are real, people!

    3. I can chug a gallon of beer in 27.2 seconds.

    4. I have never shaved. I do keep the beard neatly trimmed, however.

    5. I deadlifted 600 pounds, clean, when I was 14 years old.

  47. 1. I left my corporate job to move to a homestead in the country.
    2. I know all the words to the musical Les Miserables
    3. I have seen what really crashed in Roswell, NM back in 1947.
    4. I have shaken hands with two US Presidents while they were still in office.
    5. I was at the 4 quarter 2014 meeting of the vast right conspiracy where how to
    deal with "Team Kimberlin" was discussed.
    j junior

    1. 5. That is vast right wing conspiracy

      --> 6. I need to learn how to proof read.
      j junior


Comments are closed.