While I know that we really and truly shouldn’t help the poor dear (or his handlers) I thought it might be awfully Zombie of me to take a stroll through the Introduction to his LOL suit and help him out in letting him know where he went wrong with things. It’s amazing what a little bit of reading comprehension and having a firmer grasp on reality can accomplish. And they say I’m the one with the rotting brains? Sheesh!
- Plaintiff William M SCHMALFELDT, Sr. (“MEEEEEEE”) hereby brings this complaint to recover damages inflicted by Defendants, defined below, for engaging in inflicting god-awful butthurt upon me, including but not limited to (1) repeating things that I’ve said about myself in the past, (2) making fun of things I’ve said in the past, (3) bringing me to task when I’ve done something wrong, (4) hauling me to court when I’ve broken a restraining order, (5) not letting me have my way, (6) given me bad reviews for my crappy books, (7) talked together and (8) totally not taken my butthurttedness and special snowflake status into account.
- Defendants did, individually and severally, engage in conduct to libel MEEEEEEE by making totally factual and true allegations about him in their various blog posts and Twitter accounts. As a result, MEEEEEEE is permanently damaged since a Google search of his name will come back with the plain and utter truth told online by Defendants. This qualifies as repeating things that I’ve said about myself on the internet and in published books in the past that I’ve deleted in my head and should have gone away permanently but they kept them and keep publishing them over and over again so that they could permanently cast a person in a negative light. These truths were spread willfully, with malice, knowing the effect such truth would have on MEEEEEEE’s reputation as a writer, as an active member in the Parkinson’s Disease Fundraising Community, and as a shitstain on the underpants of humanity.
- Defendants did, individually and severally, encourage their blog readerships to spread these truthful facts about MEEEEEEE in order to increase their readership in the right wing blogging community and increase the revenue they receive in donations.
- Defendants did, individually and severally, contact agencies and freelance employers of MEEEEEEE and flooded their inboxes with defamatory truths about MEEEEEEE to the extent that one organization, the National Parkinson Foundation, which MEEEEEEE has raised hundreds of pennies for through book and merchandise sales, asked him to remove their name from MEEEEEEE’s promotional material because they realized what a tub of shit I am. Defendants contacted editors of online publications to smear and defame MEEEEEE as a “deranged cyberstalker” because I am one who would bring disrepute to their publications. At least one publication, “The Examiner,” discharged MEEEEEEE long before some of these Defendants heard of MEEEEE. MEEEEEEE left “Digital Journal” after their editor asked why he was receiving all these truth-filled emails about what a “bad person” Plaintiff was in my own words. Plaintiff resigned to spare him having to further deal with these online truth spreaders. There is no telling how many freelance opportunities Plaintiff applied for that never responded to MEEEEEEE’s application due to the online truthfulness of MEEEEEEE’s reputation because the Defendants wouldn’t let things that I said go away like I wanted them to, or in the case of one job because I kept applying for it over and over and over and over again like the deranged cyberstalker that I am. Defendants also, individually and severally, wrote truthful negative reviews of books available for sale on Amazon, books that Amazon doesn’t care if they purchase or read before making a review, for the purpose of making sure MEEEEEEE’s rating was at the appropriate “1-star” level because they are awful pieces of turgid crap that would be used in place of toilet paper if only they weren’t printed on awfully scratchy paper instead. Just ask me how I know.
- Defendants did, individually and severally, place MEEEEEEE under a truthful light by claiming online in their logs and Twitter posts that he was engaged in creating and selling pornography and “making audio tapes of child rape”, a charge that is completely true because the Maryland statute for child pornography specifically uses the words “using a computer to depict or describe a minor engaging in an obscene act, sadomasochistic abuse, or sexual conduct” which is precisely what I did with those “comedy sketches.” They also cast a false light on MEEEEEEE by portraying him to the public as a “deranged cyberstalker,” a moniker that I liked so much I even made it into the title of one of my eleventy billion websites that I then used to promote my child pornography, and as a villain under any number of other appellations as will be disclosed in the course of trial.
- Defendants did, individually and severally, engage in a course of conduct designed to cause intentional and extreme emotional distress and butthurt to MEEEEEEE, as will be demonstrated at trial.
- Defendants did, individually and severally, conspire to obstruct justice in Defendant HOGE’s two-year long effort to stop MEEEEEEE from contacting him because I am totally obsessed with him, through the introduction of stuff that I actually sent HOGE but am now saying that I didn’t because it was really, really stupid of me to do so in court, and by truths told under penalty of perjury on peace order petitions that I think are lies because I don’t want them to be true, so there.
- Defendant HOGE did, with the assistance of other Defendants, engage in conduct designed to prosecute MEEEEEEE for crimes and civil torts MEEEEEEE did totally commit.
And that’s just for starters. I don’t know that I have another 16 pages of corrections in me, but perhaps we will get there.