Limber Up For Pointy Laughy!

It’s well known in this little corner of the Internet that our Friendly Neighborhood Cabin Boy™ enjoys (or suffers from; it’s all a matter of perspective, you know) a deep fetish for any and all things related to the very most lower end of the human digestive tract.  The projection of that fetish onto every Lickspittle and Zombie – to say nothing of the elusive, feral LickspittleZombie! – is naught but ongoing proof of his affinity for the “Butt Stuff.”  I’d hate to list all of the things that his twisted memory has regurgitated from his youth, but here are a few:

  • Butt sex
  • Anal leakage
  • Diarrhea AND constipation
  • Eating (Poop flaked beard, anyone?)
  • Ass sniffing
  • Invitations to crawl up one’s own
  • Tattooing his name on the cheeks as a mark of ownership (this makes me wonder what’s inked on his, but surely not enough to want to find out!)
  • And probably a dozen others

What is abundantly clear from his ENCYCLOPEDIC knowledge of all things rectal is that there is no one better qualified than him to know this very basic fact:

 “No matter how hard you try, you can’t pick up a turd by the clean end.”

So I am left torn between disgust and bemusement at his latest effort to turn useless ancient radio formats into a viable business proposition.  Over at his blog, the latest radio station is The Big 1340, featuring (once again) old-time radio dramas and comedies that no one listens to, cutting edge mid-century pop music, and period commercials offered for entertainment value rather than to generate revenue, which is kinda the point of starting a business. (And remember, you don’t want to fuck with his business!)

  1. Start another new pointless radio station
  2. ?????
  3. Profit!

Seems like I’ve seen this before…

But what really gets me is the name of the station:  THE BIG 1340.  Add to that the name he gave for his personality running the weekly sixty-year-old Top 20 countdown, and you have something, truly, truly special:
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The Big BM?

Are you fucking serious? This is so utterly, incomprehensibly stupid, foul, and – let’s face it – ENTIRELY IN CHARACTER that it must have been chosen on purpose.

I could come up with something that sick. Without much effort, I should think. But I would never, EVER hang such a ridiculous tag on myself. That would be embarrassing.

But when he makes such a huge, unforced error?

FUN!

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

51 thoughts on “Limber Up For Pointy Laughy!”

  1. Heartiest laugh of the week ...

    William the Elder @weltschmerz2015 · 22h 22 hours ago
    Because Hoge says so, I must disable an important function of WordPress SEO because if I link to him today then turn PBs back on in a month

    William's websites last an average of about three weeks. Sometimes they're resurrected, often times not.

    If anything minimizes his SEO optimization, it's that, rather than anything anyone else does.

    Mental illness: it'll ruin a business every time!

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  2. "(this makes me wonder what’s inked on his, but surely not enough to want to find out!)"

    i'm guessing:

    入力してください

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    1. If I were to guess it would look something like this....

      The Bobber
      Petty Officer Smith
      Able Seamen Wilson
      OK, the entire fucking Med fleet
      Lashaunda the Japanese Tranny
      The Bobber
      Random Truck Drivers
      The Bobber
      Half the SiriusBroadway channel hosts
      Kimberlin

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  3. Remember that time BS' wife said that, if he fell down and died while walking the dog, her major concern would be the fact that she would have to clean the porch?

    Sad.

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    1. Not to mention, what to do with all the mayo, foot-longs, and super-size depends.

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  4. Ugh...how could he think that was a good idea?

    Seriously, didn't he think through the new name at all?

    Of course, in the span of two weeks it'll be a different name again, so it's not like it matters long-term. There's no brand-building because there's no consistent brand.

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  5. William the Elder @weltschmerz2015 · 9m 9 minutes ago
    Had I known @brainsrfood was going to flip out when I did a radio character using my first two initials in a 50s style radio fashion...

    You see, BM has a good reason to use this completely embarrassing "radio name". So that makes it NOT embarrassing (in his little brain).

    Complete and total lack of any remote sense of self-awareness.

    Bill, you are an utter failure in any positive aspect of life.

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    1. Plus, possessed of a fundamental misunderstanding [I know, another one] of what exactly initials are.

      Hint: W, not B, you execrable dolt.

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  6. William the Elder @weltschmerz2015

    My existence is solely to entertan @brainsrfood. Even 60 years ago when my mother named me Bill and gave me my dad's middle name, Matthew.

    Wm, its WM - idiot

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    1. Exactly. Why is his Twitter handle William the Elder? Why does he author books as William? His mother did not name him Bill, and I find it astonishing that we have to explain that. "The Big BM"? Seriously? Why not "The Big Diarrhea"?

      Oh. I just remembered paragraph 83.

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  7. I am crying laughing over here! Y'all's comments are slaying me! LOLOLOL!

    And, just to reiterate because it's just so damn obvious and hilariously funny because it is so damn obvious (yet *ZINGS* right past BM's ginormous, dented, demented noggin)... his Mother named him WILLIAM!

    BM! *snort snort snort*

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  8. Did all of you notice he has his computer again? The one he claimed he gave away when he retired from the Internet two months ago?

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    1. When dealing with Bill it's always best to assume anything he says is just an outright lie.

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  9. And now I have confirmation- CBBM DEFINITELY got my present, per the USPS. That would also explain his new radio callsign! Perhaps my gift has him so mesmerized that he can think of nothing else!!!!

    Happy birthday, ya doofus!!! Use it in BAD health!!!

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  10. Colonel, did your gift also pshop the creepy grin his twitter avatar is now sporting? Yeesh.

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    1. No other explanation!!!! Ever seen the 80's classic "Top Secret?"

      "Nick, I've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate. I even talked to the U.N. ambassador. It's no use . . ."

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  11. One of the fascinating things to me about BS, or perhaps out of respect to William the Elder WS, is how anyone of normal intelligence can do and say things of such blithering idiocy. Now for many this is a question of no interest because they are convinced that WS is simply a blithering idiot to begin with. This latter viewpoint certainly has ample empirical support. Yet he is frequently able to write prose that sounds plausible to anyone who has little or no knowledge of his history.

    I have created a fairly prosperous life in large part by writing persuasive prose: it requires a fair amount of skill and at least ordinary intelligence. So I cannot accept the obvious theory that WS is severely below average in intelligence. In terms of IQ, I do not think he is far below average. In fact, I suspect he may be somewhat above average. What then is the explanation?

    I have come to the conclusion that he is, to use an old fashioned term, witless. It is purely by coincidence that this term is doubly appropriate. His attempts at humor are not funny and certainly show no wit in the modern sense. But more importantly what he says and does show no wits in the older sense that his words and actions show a complete lack of common sense. What explains how an apparently normal adult intelligence can unerringly do what a child can see is unintelligent?

    It is, I suspect, his absolute infatuation with himself. He does it, therefore it is good. There is no self-restraint, no self-criticism, no self-editing required by his grandiose self-esteem. He knows that numerous people enjoy the fun of mocking him. He knows that those people find his fascination with things fecal and rectal an easy and deserving source of mockery. And yet he chooses to permit himself to be identified as the bowel movement of American radio. This may in fact be an apt description, but it is not one that he consciously intended. But he is so oblivious to what others perceive about him that he has jammed his dick into a pencil sharpener and invited everyone to turn the handle a few times.

    Mr. Krendler is far too kind and gentle a zombie not to respond to such an invitation.

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    1. What you are describing, if translated into engineering terms, is a system with positive feedback built in. There is no limitation mechanism built in to sample system output and feed it back into the system in a manner that will limit and control the system function. Without such any system will spin out of control. What we are seeing in his timeline for resetting twitter handles and radio stations is the built in time constant for how long it takes his system to vary out of control and destroy itself requiring at least a reset if not a rebuild to get moving again.

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      1. This is a very apt description. BS or WS or BM or whatever shows chaotic behavior (chaotic in the strict mathematical sense) until he spins so far out of sustainable orbit as to exhibit catastrophic behavior (again in the strict mathematical sense). He has no damping mechanism; he resonates to the self-reinforcing cycles of his self-regard until the danger of his behavior becomes obvious, whereupon there is an abrupt phase change to whining self-pity.

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      2. Many thumbs up!

        Clearly, Cousin Bill needs a NEGATIVE feedback supply...

        Perhaps the Courts will oblige, finally...

        (Hi, Cousin Bill! Insult the judge a bit more, won't you?)

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    2. How to Spot a Sociopath:

      1. Look for a lack of shame. (Ding!)

      2. See if the person is constantly lying (DING!)

      3. See if they are able to stay eerily calm in spite of circumstances. (Meh)

      4. See if they are extremely charming -- at first. (Well, I'd say friendly)

      5. See if the person is exceptionally intelligent. (BZZZT, first outright miss)

      6. See if the person is manipulative. (Ding!)

      7.Look for signs of violent behavior. (Not enough evidence. His own statements say yes)

      8. See if the person has a huge ego. (Ding!)

      9. See if the person makes uninterrupted eye contact. (N/A, unless someone can weigh in)

      10. Face reading. (N/A again)

      11. See if the person has few real friends. (DING!!)

      12. See if the person likes to isolate you. (Ding!)

      13. See if the person is immature. (DING!, DING!, DING!!!)

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    3. We had a guy in basic training that had an MBA and was rather successful in the stock market. He decided in his late 20's that he needed some adventure and enlisted to become a Paratrooper. He never made it out of basic and was discharged "for the good of the service". While he had plenty of book smarts, he lacked any common sense. People half as smart as him were excelling at tasks that had him spinning in circles. You literally had to tell him to come in out of the rain.

      Bill reminds me of that. Average intelligence but lacks any trace of common sense. He also lacks any kind of filter.

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      1. I WISH most Chapter 11s were for merely lack of common sense. Most were thugs.
        They say a nation's military reflects the society for which it serves.

        Our society has gone to shit.

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  12. Clearly, Abstract Thinking(TM) was involved in the choice of names.

    Truthfully, he could call it "William the Elder's Happy Time Poop-Play Radio", and it wouldn't matter, because the only listeners he gets are those who tune in accidentally, if that's even possible.

    Poor, sick bastard.

    (Hi, Cousin Bill! Have you figured out the family shame that caused your parents to flee Iowa, yet? Me, neither, but I keep digging...)

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      1. In a previous post, I wrote about an egregious writing error I had made, and about the need for writers and editors to not occupy the same headspace.

        For the same reasons, radio personalities need program directors and station managers who also do not occupy the same headspace.

        "Really, Bill? You want to call yourself 'The Big BM?' Do you even listen to yourself when you think this stuff up? No. Just, no. Try again."
        This is really true for any sort of business where creative thought occurs, or where ideas need to grow outside a mental vacuum chamber.

        (I saw Mental Vacuum Chamber at Lollapalooza a couple years ago)

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  13. Being a software engineer of many year, I've used the phrase:

    "No matter how much you polish a turd, it's still a turd."

    many, many times.

    Channeling my inner schmalfeldt, I guess...

    (Hi, Cousin Bill! Still kicking, I see...)

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  14. Aaron Walker is entirely to blame for blood-thirsty savages who choose to exercise their "Religion of Pieces" via intimidation, mutilations, beheadings, and bombings?

    BILL SCHMALFELDT is perfectly okay with such evil.

    Would Aaron Walker have been entirely to blame for his plight had BM's master (the sawed-off, domestic terrorist Brett Kimberlin) had his way, and Aaron had suffered a horrible injury (or, even death) at the hands of unhinged, rabid animals angry over some freaking cartoons?

    BILL SCHMALFELDT would have been perfectly okay and pleased had something so awful happened.

    BILL SCHMALFELDT is a depraved, deranged, and malevolent creature. He excuses the immoral and foul actions of the most evil of those who walk amongst us -- ALWAYS. To this disgusting and deranged waste of a human being... the end justifies the means.

    BILL SCHMALFELDT is a soulless, despicable, and wicked POS.

    https://twitter.com/weltschmerz2015/status/552843633662386178

    Oh. And, before the Deranged Cyberstalker, Adjudicated Harasser, Admitted Harasser, Adjudicated Stalker, and all-around Demented Freak BILL SCHMALFELDT starts pounding away on his sticky keyboard about "Hate Crack" and whatnot... the words I posted above are TRUTH -- not hate.

    Wanna see hate? BILL SCHMALFELDT need to look no further than into a mirror... the epitome of hate will be staring right back at him.

    GFY, BLOB.

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    1. A) Is this yet another statement against interest?
      B) This IS yet another example of a complete lack of self-awareness.

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      1. It was none other than Bill's "butt fume huffing" boy toy Wee Willy. Safe Link.....

        https://web.archive.org/web/20150107183249/https://themockerycontinues.wordpress.com/tag/jihad/

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      2. I tried to provide a wayback machine link but looks like those are stuck in moderation. Short story is Wee Willy posted it on his blog a while ago. When my other post is approved you should see the safe link to the post

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      3. I see Army Vet already responded to your inquiry, Perry -- but, I will also add that Blob wrote much about Aaron and all of the Muhammad nonsense when he was posting as the Liberal Grouch (IIRC) over at that cesspool BreitbartUnmasked dot com.

        Oddly enough though, the links to many of BS's BU posts are broken. Imagine that. *eyeroll*

        Blob was the same deceitful, seeping POS over there as he is everywhere he leaves his lies and obfuscations.

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  15. Again... the link to Blob's full article is broken -- but, here is Lee Stranhan addressing Blob's bullshit in a couple of different blog posts regarding Aaron Walker.

    http://leestranahan.com/bill-schmalfeldt-inciting-muslim-violence/

    And, 3... 2... 1. Cue the Deranged Cyberstalker harassing Lee Stranahan on Twitter because I posted a link to Lee's blog where he calls the Demented Freak out on BS's lies and BS's efforts to incite Muslim anger/violence toward Aaron Walker.

    POS.

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    1. Holy God Almighty:

      Mr. Walker may get his fatwah wish sooner than he thinks if the clerics in Muslim countries relise who this man is. Maybe someone should start an Everyone Out Aaron Walker Day and ask every Muslim blog in every country on earth to blog that Aaron Walker is the publisher of his Mulsim hate blog. Then we would see if anyone would grant his wishes to become fatwah worthy and have Muslims come to Manassas to have a firefight with him.

      At first I found it hard to believe someone could be that callous and careless to write that, but then I realized it was Bill Schmalfeldt with Brett Kimberlin's hand stuck up his pathetic ass.

      I light of today's terror attack, Bill must be so proud.

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      1. The degree of evil that resides at the very core of who this demented freak truly is... is simply astounding.

        Calling on others to assist in attempting to acquire a fatwah against Aaron Walker.

        Calling upon others to rape (threaten to rape) Lee and Lauren Stranahan.

        Using children in the most vile of ways. Remember... before there were Boy Scouts:

        http://leestranahan.com/nsfw-bill-schmalfeldts-excuse-for-discussing-my-13-year-old-daughter-sexually/

        The downright psychopathic and wicked actions courtesy of the Blob are far too lengthy to list, and are so very, very mind-numbingly disgusting.

        Bill Schmalfeldt exemplifies EVERYthing every other human being on the face of the Earth should strive to avoid being.

        The very definition of EVIL.

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      2. Well done, Perry and Grace.

        Yes, the cyberstalking freakshow is absolutely all that Perry and Grace said/wrote. But worse. More heinous. Less human.

        The revolting EVIL that calls itself Bill Schmalfeldt will answer for all of his malicious, malignant ways. And "PD stage eleventy!!!" isn't likely to be accepted as the cause for his willful, base, loathesome depravity.

        As jem said/wrote: AMEN.

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      3. But, but; bil's a Christian!!eleven!!!

        (yeah, I know, I said but twice in a row.)

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