An Oldie But A Goodie

One of my hobbies is flea markets and rummage sales. I like to wander around looking for cool stuff, admiring it, haggling for deals, and people-watching.

Today, I picked up an old ornamental lamp for 75 cents. I have a good spot for it on a shelf behind the wet bar. Of course it was a little dingy, so I got a rag and started rubbing it up a bit.

And out popped a ragged-looking genie. He was a little pissed at being disturbed.

“Awright, Jack,” he said. “Ya gots t’ree wishes comin’. What’s it gonna be?”

I have no idea why he talked like a Brooklyn street thug from the fifties, but whatever.

“Okay,” I said, rubbing my hands together, “let’s start with cash. I wish for $500 million in he bank.”

The genie snapped his fingers and said “Done. Oh, and I t’ink I didn’t mention, ev’ry wish I grant youse, the Elkridge Horror gets a double-up. So he’s good for a cool billion. Capisce?”

I thought about that for a minute.

“Yeah. I got it.”

Knowing what I do about the Horror’s overall health situation, I chose my next wish with no small amount of glee. “I wish for a dozen beautiful women to be at my beck and call whenever I want.”

The genie snapped his fingers again. “12 new contacts in your phone, with photos. But the Horror just got 24.”

“Fine by me. I don’t think he’ll be able to make much use of them. And it won’t matter for long anyway.

“For my third and final wish, I want those women to beat me half to death.”


13 thoughts on “An Oldie But A Goodie”

    1. You had me going with the "lamp" part. The Mrs. and I restored two Art-Deco antique floor lamps this weekend.

      Not as exciting as your encounter.

    1. Exactly, Sam! LOL! The only comedy that has ever graced any of the Blob's blogs.

      And, Krendler... Bwahahahahahaha!

      However, be fully prepared for a morning of DEATH THREAT ELEVENTY!!1!!1! ramblings.


  1. Very clearly you have engaged a probably already criminal genie to commit murder and probably cause psychosexual harm to a whole bevy of innocent young women. Consorting with felonious spirits, conspiring against the public peace, racketeering, inducing woman to cross state lines for immoral purposes (although that particular murder may not be a material breach of morality). Ooh boy Krendler, you have put your foot in it this time. I mean it was one thing to give opinions or to write satire, but to consort with the otherworld underworld may be several steps too far. Howard County undoubtedly takes the summoning of demons and such very seriously. If I were you, I'd decamp immediately to your brother-in-law's ranch outside Bratislava, where tubs and horses await

  2. Paul:

    Given the way the Cabin Boy™ is republishing stuff, perhaps you should consider selling Internet republication rights to someone willing to register and enforce the copyrights.

    Just sayin'.

    1. He has stuff from your blog on his blog again. It's in the "correction letter" he sent to LE, which he then posted on his blog.

  3. His "correction letter" to the officer and the other guy states that he was victimized when he "received a tub of horseshoe."

    This changes everything.

    1. Bill Schmalfeldt can pound out how many, typo-free tweets per minute, but for some "odd" reason, the majority of his correspondence to law enforcement/court officials always seem to be rife with mistakes.


      Parkinson's Disease Card be convenient, me thinks.


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