Audience Participation Thread

Like the mighty mathematician Isaac Newton…

Like the awesome astronomer Johannes Kepler…

I, the great gadfly, the majordomo of mirth, the lord of laughter, the duke of derision, the impresario of insult, the master of modesty, the headmaster of humility and Sultan of the smackdown, have decided to compile a list of Krendler’s Laws of the Internet.

And of course, I need YOUR help!

I will start with four obvious ones, a couple of which I have shamelessly stolen (cuz I’m shameless like that) from apocryphal sources:

1. Haters gotta hate
2. Liars gotta lie
3. All mayonnaise flows downhill toward Elkridge
4. Monkeys gotta dance

As the title says, audience participation is invited.

High levels of creativity will be rewarded. The Thinking Man’s Zombie Seal of Approval is hoping to appear multiple times in this thread.

Go!

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man’s Zombie

119 thoughts on “Audience Participation Thread”

  1. Accuse the accusers before they can accuse!

    Also known as "Project, project, project!"

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  2. The distance between "tenacious independent internet journalist pursuing a story" and "flaming dickhead" decreases toward zero as one approaches any Elkridge trailer park.

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  3. Not so much a rule as an Ode to Bill

    Schmalfeldt is a wuss and a crumb.
    He's a creep and a sickening bum.
    He's a simian weenie,
    A despicable meanie,
    He's stinky, offensive, and dumb.

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    1. He is a coward. I dare him to pursue his laste line of, "reasoning". Do it, Shakey.

      I don't believe you have reached the pinacle of embarrassment yet.

      Do it before you reach STAGE V. (BOY, I HOPE THERE IS A STAGE V. IT HAS TO GET LULZIER, RIGHT?)

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  4. The water in Elkridge renders a person complete incapable of independent thought.

    Proven again today:

    Bill Schmalfeldt @DeepBrainTV · 6h
    Chrissy Heather, Racine, Wisconsin's favorite unemployed corporaphiliac. Right, @embryriddlealum?

    Oh look! Someone learned a new word today! I wonder where he got it from?

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  5. Hey everyone guess which agency a guy who doxed me complained too?

    Come one everyone guess - you'll never guess? Come on, don't be shy - you over there - quit popping that popcorn and guess who complained to the agency that REGULATES ONLINE PRIVACY???

    While trying to send my information to them.....

    Seriously a serial doxer with multiple orders went to the one FEDERAL AGENCY that could take action against him -

    When they review the materials I reviewed and conclude that he has been violating people's online privacy and smearing them relentlessly through the act of publishing screeds on Amazon that no one can find much less buy...

    - ehhh this reminds me of the guy who called the police when someone stole his cocaine...

    Just when you thought it couldn't get any dumber...

    Seriously, he went to the agency that prosecutes doxers and doxed people to get them to stop telling people about him and his books....

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  6. - The more revolting, perverted, or violent the turn of phrase, the more likely the author is a serial adjudicated harasser.

    - the US postal system is frightening and confusing, especially proper postage

    - Howard Earl = Jerry Fletcher = the Great White Whale

    - Frequent viewing and photoshopping male porn is proof of one's masculine heterosexual bona fides

    - misogyny is fun

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  7. Hot dogs slathered with mayonnaise are quickly inserted into the Horror's pie-exit hole with a rapid and forceful counterclockwise twisting upwards motion. This stimulates the Horror in ways the Sea hag never can and is known as the Right-Hand Rule as the curled fingers indicate the direction of twist and the upturned thumb indicates the direction of penetration. Excess mayonnaise is subsequently collected and used for the Horror's potato chip dip.

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  8. Meanwhile.... somewhere..... in a govt issued cubicle

    a phone chirps...

    This is the complaint department resolution desk Gladys P....X speaking

    Sir, speak slower,
    Sir,This is the FTC do you need the Institute of Health?
    Parkinson's" Umm I am so sorry but how can I help you today..
    Sir who is ...

    Sir please your dogs are barking I can't understand...
    Well Okay - look sir I need to know the nature of your
    (several minutes pass)
    Sir - what IS THE NATURE of your call....
    (15 more minutes pass)
    okay are u a friend of my husband Lou - is this a prank ....

    Amazon, you have a complaint with Amazon?

    no? Who with? What email? Okay, Okay.... Okay..... (8 more minutes Gladys will never have back)

    Hoge, 367 charges? Arizona? Sir can you give me something, anything specific?
    (12 minutes pass, Gladys kicks her shoes off)

    Sir, I cant find anything you filled out as you know we dont handle individual disputes - sir, SIR and who is GAIL? Sir send me the info (cue "u got mail chime 2 minutes later)

    Okay sir I see that there is a picture of an adorable baby and this evil looking guy with no neck, wait I'm accessing him now, wait sir, WAIT sir - got - it - this guy Schmalfeldt - looks to be someone who can cause trouble - wow, court orders, complaints a whole list ...... wait what are you saying? YOU'RE SCHMALFELDT? Lou I'm telling ya if this is your fucking dea that we have nothing to do here at the FTC....

    Bill, William Schmalfeldt Sr... You mean there are more of you?

    Okay sir - how has this baby harmed you - wait - wait - sir that language - sir - sir SIR

    Okay I'm hanging up now....

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  9. Something about lack of self awareness.....blah blah ;p

    Too tired to be witty, sorry.

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  10. Has anybody asked Amazon who this "John K (Amazon)" or "John K" who gives out personal information really is? I know they are insanely protective of personal information. They should know one of their employees are giving out fake names.

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    1. I think Amazon should be.informed that someone is using crude forgeries of chats with their customer service reps to make it appear that they are irresponsible with their customer data confidentiality policies.

      The clear implication of that chat log is quite damaging to Amazon's good name and reputation. Defamatory in fact.

      I know if I had produced that forgery, I'd be back peddling about how it was a "joke", real soon now.

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  11. Fat, crazy, unemployed, loser brother sending fat, crazy, marginally-employed, loser sister to Chris Heather's house. This should end well.

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  12. Who Chris Heather should be on the lookout for, the scary @bexmajella:

    REBECCA M SCHMALFELDT
    [other personal info redacted - I understand the temptation to stoop to his level in this manner. Please, just don't do it.]

    Public record - took me less than two minutes to find. One of the websites even lists William M. Schmalfeldt as one of her contacts. I'm sure she won't mind us sharing since she seems to support her bro's activities, and, as we all know, her bro is all about sharing this sort of information with the rest of the internet. (Whether it's correct or not is a different story in his case.)

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  13. You did the decent thing, of course, removing @bexmajella's personal info. But gosh, I was hoping Bill would see some actual doxing skillzzzzz... 😉

    William is off-tilt and about to do something he shouldn't. You know he's not right in the head, and you're making him crazier. Fun, yes, but potentially dangerous. Crazy people are crazy.

    He wants revenge, but he can't do it himself. Hoge can't be touched and as much as he'd like to say he knows who you are, he doesn't. He thinks "Chris Heather" has humiliated him and made fun of his dead mommy. Chris Heather lives in Racine, which is only a short car trip from Milwaukee. My guess is that Bill sends his crazy sister - who has nothing to lose - to do his bidding to someone who has nothing to do with anything. It could end up being a colossal cluster fuck. At least you will know whodunit if it happens.

    And, I'm out!

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  14. Feature wife in your books trashing people - show pictures of her, speak of her support of your activities

    Then scream victim and go after families - violate privacy -

    Guess what all sent to States Attorney's office along with pages of your books harassing people

    Remember to include his case no. in the subject line of the email the more evidence of Bill harassing and threatening people the more they cannot ignore it

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  15. Delusions of grandeur, power and righteousness.

    https://twitter.com/DeepBrainTV/status/512233203256815616

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      1. https://twitter.com/DeepBrainTV/status/512240133811490816

        Ah, the "Dim Girl" reference. His misogyny is so predictable.

        And as for him not bringing in families, wasn't it just this past Monday that he was stalking Grady's wife's Facebook and speculating about their marriage?

        The fucking mook.

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        1. I do wish that no one here reported crazy old William to Twitter. His constant failure makes me happy.

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      2. As if further proof were needed that the man is an idiot:
        https://twitter.com/DeepBrainTV/status/512240133811490816

        The world "child" may mean someone under 18. It can also mean offspring of any age. He is threatening to go after someone's offspring, therefore he is threatening to dox a child.

        Asshole,.

        An appropriate hell for Biwwy would be to have to spend eternity in an English grammar and composition class. He obviously understands neither and it would take most of that eternity for him to (maybe) absorb any of it.

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    1. As a wise man once said:

      "Or, you can go f*ck yourself, Porky."

      Maybe someday the fact that you control nothing and no one will sink into that dented melon of yours. Threatening unassociated third parties? Makes it even MORE apparent that you a tool.

      I guess you are shooting for restraining orders in all 50 states, ammirite Fatass?

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  16. Let's not forget that the sister, or someone posing as her, involved herself not too long ago. The latest interest in the sister was sparked by serial adjudicated harasser, slapped down with restraining/peace orders in multiple states, admittedly dementia addled, William Bill Schmalfeldt, brought her up, threatening to send her to the home of yet another of his fail-doxes.

    This is the same William Bill Schmalfeldt Sr. whose support of Parkinsons awareness or Parkinsons research was rejected by at least one of the biggest Parkinsons organizations, and who is likely to be rejected by any other Parkinsons organizations Bill Schmalfeldt chooses to besmirch and discredit by associating himself with them.

    How reprehensible, repulsive, repugnant must one be to be rejected not only by virtually anyone who has ever had the misfortune to come into contact with him, but also rejected by his own now adult children who won't even acknowledge his tweet to them (did they block him too?), and incredibly, such a flaming foul failure that even public charities refuse to have anything to do with him?

    But it's not him, his words, his actions, that cause such alienation and isolation. Nooooo... it's a small group of people who never heard of him until a few years ago when he started attacking anyone who dared to comment on his "good friend" being a convicted violent felon and known/suspected pedophile. Yup. That and Kyle's time machine explains the rejection and alienation that has been the story of his entire life. hahahahaha

    And let us never, ever forget, even Bob Barker described Bill Schmalfeldt as the "biggest loser" in the game show's history. hahahahaha

    But yes, yes, yes, HOGE! Yes, yes, yes, Krendler!

    Cos his failure at life certainly couldn't be the result of the personality disordered troll with a total lack of self-awareness, so demented he thinks if he keeps doing the same things, the same ways, things will turn out differently this time. Doxing a baby worked out so well for him before. Attacking a family grieving a stillborn daughter did wonders for his credibility as a "journalist." Now he's salivating over the prospect of attacking a child with spina bifida. Will anyone be surprised when Bill Schmalfeldt starts attacking toddlers with downs syndrome?

    TL;DR - Repeatedly cuckolded Bill Schmalfeldt thinks it will help his reputation and credibility to launch vile personal attacks on a handicapped child/young person who has never had any contact with him, or ever commented about him. Cos Hoge, and Cos Krendler.

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      1. Indeed, Little Bitch forgets HE was the one to involve his "sister" ( if that is who she really is, with a liar like Little Bitch nothing is sure)

        it all falls back on Don't want none, Don't start none.
        Asshole.

        O.o

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  17. I will say one thing, at least Little Bitch is good for page views, how many times do you think he's refreshed this blog, just to have something to bitch about on twitter??

    O.o

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  18. act like an asshole on Twitter and get suspended...
    what is that, like the 13th ID he's had that that has happened too?

    O.o

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      1. Hasn't it been a while since he was actually suspended (as opposed to closing his account himself)?

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      2. Gladys don't fuck around...

        Imagine the other people who have twitter accounts suspended this month

        The Leadership of ISIL
        Manic the Pole = mass murder in Crackow
        Nambla
        The Stirrup Society of Bel Air
        The Mason fan club

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    1. Dang, couldn't they have held the suspension up until after I got home from my golf game? Was it as amusing as usual?

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  19. he's already back, @Parkinsonsmedia
    too bad Twitter doesn't have some policy to deal with people (who consistently tweet filth) opening new accounts after they get suspended, repeatedly...

    O.o

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    1. they may actually do. I hear they have a mean law firm send a C&D and if they don't reply they sue them for trespassing - the kicker is the law firm gets to keep everything so these suits really suck for those who have been kicked off

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  20. Since he still had that fake "conversation" with Amazon up, maybe they requested the account be taken down.

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    1. yep, back to "PD advocacy" and less than 10 tweets in, tweets a link to a threat against Grady, who he still thinks is Krendler...

      just when you think you have seen the stupidest someone can be, here comes Little Bitch to PROVE he can be even more stupid than even his latest round of stupidity...

      O.o

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      1. And half an hour after you post that, the "open letter" on LinkedIn is gone.

        And another five minutes after that his tweets are protected.

        Not what I'd call effective advocacy.

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  21. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20140917200923-104658323-an-open-letter-to-linkedin-member-patrick-g-grady

    Ooooo. A non-threatening threat.

    This why we should have let the old boy keep his Twitter account. He was singing a different tune just hours ago, but no it's erased.

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      1. One supposes. But I would argue against shutting William down online. He's ever so good at digging his own holes.

        And if he keeps down this path, those holes will I assume, lead nowhere good.

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    1. 10.2. Don’t undertake the following:
      1.Act dishonestly or unprofessionally by engaging in unprofessional behavior by posting inappropriate, inaccurate, or objectionable content to LinkedIn;

      4.Harass, abuse or harm another person, including sending unwelcomed communications to others using LinkedIn.

      Yup, thought so.

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  22. https://twitter.com/Parkinsonsmedia/status/512326612445310976

    How is it that I know this will change in three hours or less?

    The past, they say, is prologue.

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    1. of course that particular tweet was posted BEFORE he tweeted the link to his letter threatening the wrong person yet again...

      gotta hand it to Little Bitch, can't say he isn't consistently crazy...

      O.o

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  23. well now that little bitch has crawled back into his hole, I advise we all just leave him there to wallow in his own filth..

    I'm done with his bullshit, and done paying any attention to it. I got way more productive things to do with my time than watch his freak show.

    O.o

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  24. Hey, we all know that "ass play" doesn't have to be disgusting or degrading right? Unless of course it has to do with or comes out of either end of Admiral Asschunks.

    Bazinga!

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  25. Massive comment at Fair Use
    everyone read and consider plz, and pass it along to whoever should know
    Considering the subject it's important all get aboard.

    O.o

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    1. I was forwarded an email last night. It covers some of the issues Rain has brought forth. My own thought will make up a separate post later today or perhaps tomorrow as circumstances permit.

      I may be going against the grain. But nothing is certain yet.

      Back to your regularly scheduled comments section...

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      1. "against the grain" I GOT YOU YOU FUCKING BASTARD - YOU LIVE IN KANSAS

        I....SEEEEEE...... YOU

        Sincerely

        The Doxyfairy

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  26. (THE UNSELLING AUTHOR'S GIRLIFESTO)

    I have done nothing in my life. I know I didn't, I was there. I could see myself in the reflection of my wasted tears of shame on my fathers grave.

    I don’t feel a need to confess. I wish I could point and yell “Hey! Look what I did! Look!” Instead all I could do is just wipe my runny nose and move on.

    I didn't do it. I know it. It’s a life left undone. You know its true. So does my wife, my ex-wife, and my ex ex wife, all who used to worry about if I would ever DO ANYTHING . So does my son, (I think he's my son) and my other children who used to look at me with love but now don't even give a tweet. I have slimed away, as they say (leaving a faint aroma of 2 day mayo and deep crevasse bodily secretions)

    I wish I could be among those people out there who cAN trumpet their HARD EARNED “accomplishments” every day . And by HARD EARNED, I mean “noteworthy”. I don’t think these people are trying to remind me of my lack of contribution to society rather that the bar they set is sooo high that I need to jump just to reach the lowest rung. I crave external validation for just tying my shoelaces. I need that Tweetle, the glowing article, the chance to actually matter for one moment in my life - the one time my family could say - well at least he didn't go 0-for-12 on national television in full uniform” (God, I'm so angry about my lack of anything that I just want to get a picture of a cute baby and slap a SKULL on it to get some validating attention!!!!)

    Those People, going to their fancy JOBS and having loving wives (with teeth), who have blogs with comments and DONORS and stuff, L wish I could knock them down, I wish they would just DIE, I wish they would stop reminding me that at my old age all I ever did was a nothing job for a nothing agency that no one knows nothing about.

    (Hint: in a world where anyone can steal material CTRL V and paste a book — Who am I to judge others that won't buy my cutsy pasty prose, who cares about character development or slightly spicy phrases like sinful fluids? Who am I to judge at least I have 1 star reviews - what reviews do they have - besides vacation homes, 2 cars, savings accounts and loving children?)

    Why? Why do they keep reminding me about abject failure? Why can't they respect the body oils and breathy anal rhetoric? Its not easy needs constant validation so desperately?

    I do. That’s why I created a unread one page soon to be deleted screeddevoted to the mockery of a single person who I secretly wish would call me , I wishes so hard in my sweaty happy place..

    So someone be as weak and listless as me, harass a grieving mother, call federal agencies with wild unfocused rantings, alienate all your living family and bring shame to a generation who bears your surname

    But you know - even in this country there is a excrement coated place for me to wallow in

    Someone somewhere , look .I'll even pay you - comment - validate me

    – The Best Unselling Author

    .

    Categories Mayo crusted waste

    This was a parody of a parody of a serial adjudicated Acme Law Educated Harasser - no small animals were injured in the production of this parody.

    This Parody is protected by the Supreme Court Of the Ukrainian Adoption Agency

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  27. I just made the mistake of reading someone's latest "blog." Three things are quite clear:

    1. The author is a Communist
    2. The author's previous apologies to people who do not contact him or write about him were meaningless
    3. The author is morally bankrupt, profoundly mentally ill, and/or possessed. No, I'm not joking about the last one.

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    1. 1. No, just a bleeding asshole.
      2. Welcome too the Krendler Kollege of Kommon Knowledge.
      3. The first two are well-documented. The third is also obviously true. He's my little monkey dancing bitch.

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  28. Hey, I came into possession of an absolutely critical piece of information on a certain someone you need to know about stat. I'll post in the discussion thread at FUP for everyone to check out.

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      1. agreed, but the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or in this case the one.

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      2. 01000010 01100101 01100111 01101001 01101110 00100000 01001111 01110000 01100101 01110010 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01000100 01110101 01101101 01100010 01100001 01110011 01110011 00100000 01000100 01101111 01110111 01101110 01100110 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 00110101 00110111 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110101 01101110 01101001 01110100 01110011 00101110

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  29. Life after liberaland?

    Airedelapaz • 10 days ago
    WFT?!?! Were you trying to be funny? This is not funny. :-/

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      1. he wrote a story about a pregnant woman - same type of story that got him fired other places - his saving grace is NO ONE READS out of 2 comments that was one of them

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  30. Parkinson's Media @Parkinsonsmedia · 2h

    I guess Chris Heather didn't get beaten to death by his mom for posting that picture of her underpants.

    Sent to Michael J Fox organization and the States Attorney's office

    Also printed pages of blog and sent to same

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    1. Parkinson's Media @Parkinsonsmedia · 1h

      I may have to send a note to the authorities in Houston about your harassment, @mayberryville.

      Parkinson's Media @Parkinsonsmedia · 1h

      You did no such thing, @mayberryville, and you know it. Or do you? What law are you saying I broke? Hm?

      Forwarded to States Attorney's Office and the Michael J Fox Organization

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  31. https://twitter.com/parkinsonsmedia/status/512342560325767169

    I know I mentioned self UNawareness earlier....... Words fail.

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  32. Parkinson's Media ‏@Parkinsonsmedia · 19m
    Reminder, 100% of profit will be donated to Michael J. Fox Foundation for #Parkinson's Research. http://bit.ly/1mhTIKB

    EPWJ
    ‏@mayberryville @michaeljfoxorg this person @Parkinsonsmedia is using your org to harass victims William Schmalfeldt 06C14067023 has open restraint order

    4:11 PM - 18 Sep 2014

    Also forwarded to states atty office at their direct email

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    1. Not everything the guy does is harassment, EPWJ. When you report innocuous things to LE as harassment, you dilute the impact of true harassment reports. "When everything is harassment, then nothing is."

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      1. oh he knows I'm reporting, now he's begging and crying and threatening and crying and he's back tracking erasing evidence etc,

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  33. Parkinson's Media @Parkinsonsmedia · 19m

    If you want to write your little blog comments that nobody sees, that's fine. When you write reviews without reading, you cross the line.

    Parkinson's Media @Parkinsonsmedia · 19m

    If you continue to attack my work, @mayberryville, I will see that you are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Do we understand?

    Parkinson's Media @Parkinsonsmedia · 21m

    If you all had half a brain, you would realize that if I'm writing books and marketing them, I'm not bothering you. RETURN THE FAVOR!

    Parkinson's Media @Parkinsonsmedia · 22m

    Further efforts by Eric Johnson or anyone else to interfere with my ability to sell my books will be met by law enforcement.

    Parkinson's Media @Parkinsonsmedia · 24m

    Retract, or pay the consequences, @mayberryville. You have all night to think about it. Tomorrow, I involve law enforcement. This is illegal

    Parkinson's Media @Parkinsonsmedia · 25m

    Ah well I guess EPWJ "Pee Wee" leaves me no choice. What he's doing is illegal. I am harassing NOBODY!

    Forwarded to States Attorney's office forwarded to MJFox organization

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