We Didn't Start the Fire

Oh, dear. A fight. A punch has been thrown. And of course, the Fuhrer of Footlongs, the Marshall of Mayonnaise, didn’t throw it!

He would never do that. He never throws the first punch. He said so. And we know he never lies.

Apparently, calling the Walking Wiener a “cyberthug” constitutes a punch.

On Friday.

On Friday, punch thrown, fight started! Q.E.D.


I realize I once told the old man to get a mallet, head for the nearest beach, and pound all that sand up his ass. What I didn’t know is that he missed and filled his vagina instead.

All worked up over being referred to as what he is. Boo hoo hoo.

But he doesn’t understand what’s happening. After a settlement was reached on the 14th, WJJ Hoge did indeed ask his readers, a loyal bunch if nothing else,

I recommend that Bill Schmalfeldt be given the opportunity to make the changes in his Internet presence that he described to me. He will probably be more successful in doing so if folks don’t joggle his elbow. Each person is free to speak, largely limited by their conscience and a few rules, but it may be best to give him some space for a few days to see how he does.

My feeling was very much the same. Up to a point. As a sign of good faith, I changed my Twitter avatar and stopped posting here. A show of good faith is one thing. But I am not a fool. I know the brand of monster we’re dealing with.


I was ready and willing to leave him alone. In fact, I did.

And then this happened:




“…or he can sell his blog.”

That quote was his next tweet, and it didn’t include my handle. He’s taken his account private again. A great way to promote his book, yeah?

Did he think I wasn’t paying attention? “Trust…but verify.”

I’m always watching. But, in good faith, in the interest of “not jostling his elbow,” I stayed my hand. I kept my peace.

On Wednesday. In good faith, I remained quiet. “Nary a peep from the boy,” said the Mooky button pusher. “Looks as though Krendler has gone private at least on Twitter,” said the silver-haired cartoon button pusher.

Yes. For four months now, dim cartoon girl.


Speaking of focus, Wednesday comes before Friday, right?

Ok. Just checking.

See, on Wednesday, TWO DAYS BEFORE he was called a “cyberthug,” the cyberthug was letting his followers know that he was creating a new Ktrl-C/Ktrl-V masterpiece featuring yours truly.

Who gives a bright blue fuck what he’s going to do? Nobody’s going to read his lies but him. If it salves his microscopic black heart to fabulize his pathetic existence for an audience of zero, who am I to stop him from doing so?

Or care?

A “true” (read “bullshit”) story featuring a fictional kharacter kalled Krendler kompletely kicking his keister over a kopyright kase?

I am a character. As I said before, HE DOES NOT KNOW WHO I AM.

Oh, but he desperately wanted to, didn’t he? Oh yes, he did:


This is something, you understand, that was sufficiently on his mind to send to me, where it remains in Moderation Purgatory (still got an outstanding question waiting for an answer), on INDEPENDENCE DAY.

But now, see, he just wants to tell the tale. He just wants the truth (read “bullshit”) out there. He no longer cares who I am!

I’m nobody.

Or am I?

Because this fight, which started Friday, was prefaced on Wednesday by this comment, which also sits in my moderation queue:


Does that sound like a CHALLENGE?


And thank God for that. Because



So, howzat for a gut punch, you – what’s that phrase you like so much? Oh yes – you cum gargling fuckwit?

Do you understand now, you lonely, twisted old control freak? This is what it means to have friends. You attack one, you attack us all. The enemies you have made (a/k/a the answer to the outstanding question) are EVERYWHERE. When you say “mind your own business & go back to your knitting,” we respond with hearty laugh and an even more hearty “Fuck you.”

And we always will. So get comfortable. And enjoy your websites. I do.

UPDATE – He has spoken. From the greasy, verminous, cockroach-infested garbage bins deep in the fetid, stinking bowels of cyberspace (conveniently located in a trailer park in Elkridge, MD), he left a couple small piles in Moderation Purgatory. Neither is an answer to the outstanding question, and thus both are as irrelevant and as unworthy of publication as the rest of his simian keyboard-smashings.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

24 thoughts on “We Didn't Start the Fire”

  1. Let's not forget that in the course of those tweets, Willy called Hoge a "right wing curmudgeon". The entire part of the timeline is here:


    Willy's only response is that cyberthug is a worse name than right wing curmudgeon.

  2. If he publishes, it will be the second time he has a) threatened to republish your writings, announcing it is a ploy to get your name and b) then published them.
    Who had 8/20 in the office pool?

  3. There was never any doubt the DERANGED CYBERSTALKER AND ADJUDICATED HARASSER BILL SCHMALFELDT would soon resort to his CYBERTHUG ways as he is the nastiest and most desperate of all attention whores smelling up the World Wide Web.

    THE BLOB simply can't quit The Lickspittles. He has no friends, no family, no talent, no life.

    Just think... if a hilariously-written parody of a pathetic parody managed to spin the creeptastic freak right off his axis for all this time... what would an entire, little, ol, e-book do?

    I'd wager many would be willing and able to assist in providing a BS-size mountain of material.

    Just a thought...

    *hint hint* *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

  4. I noticed that mentalhealthrad was not merely taken private, but rather taken down completely last night. Hmmmm.

    I should also add for a certain party's benefit that I didn't know about that account until Friday when people started reposting tweets since I wasn't looking for any accounts belonging to said party.

  5. Forwarded the threat to Amazon, they love it when people use their generosity to harass, threaten and coerce their members - they simply live to make other people's lives miserable - after all that what retail internet is all about - destroying their customers while making no money off of it - OF Course the expert THINKS that he has a right to be published on the push of a button just like he thinks he has the right to keep using trial periods to avoid paying royalties on music streaming - that everything is free as long as you are not caught syndrome (oh BTW these are my opinions based on months of observations)

    Nothing is more prescient than a guy who thinks the world exists in his domain, that he has a plenary jurisdiction over everything since his graduation on that storied Wednesdqay evening 28 years ago in a Bus pass office far far away.

    He has been totally unaware of the TOS of any website he became involved with - he is completely unaware that constant streaming of copyrighted material with the intention of never paying any royalties is another copyright infringement, he is unaware that you can parody material but not use it to the extent that all you did was change the names. He is also unaware that he cannot keep misstating the results of a trial - you can dispute it but you cannot say what DID NOT HAPPEN.

    He thrives in the fringe thinking that he is immune from serious prosecution and so does a couple of those who tried to rise to his level buuuut, feel maybe that they should back off some, not quit the cliff jumpers yet but shouting encouragement for others to do so.

    BTW this is my commentary and cannot be republished by anyone except the owner of the blog here - Some say BTW That I AM Paul - so AM I????

    1. Bill uses his Parkinsons as a shield. How many times have we seem him say that if he is ever really prosecuted that he will go to every newspaper and TV station to declare that the govt is picking on a poor crippled man in a wheelchair. I guess he never stops to think that a reasonable person would see a cyberbully and huge asshole (and ass fan) who happens to have Parkensons being prosecuted. He much underestimates how much sympathy normal people would have once they found who what a vile creep he really is.

      1. We , the Lickspittles, have treated Bill far more fairly than anyone else. We give him no pity for his condition. Nor do we pile on him because of it.

        But Bill is a certain type of person who wants not 'equal' treatment but 'better' treatment. You see this amongst many special interest groups, the physically disadvantaged being but one.

    1. The Deranged Cyberstalker, Adjudicated Harasser, and Cyberthug Bill Schmalfeldt has not changed his internet behavior one iota.

      Never has. Never will.

      Much pointing, laughing, and hilarity (along with additional peace orders, restraining orders, and lawsuits) will ensue. Guaranteed.

      The Blob is a masochistic freakshow.

  6. It was a very short drive - also don't most venereal diseases require someone to have relations with multiple people? Find that somewhat improbable...

  7. Referring to Paul Krendler's comment "Syphilis drives one mad, doesn’t it?" A post on the Knot My Wisconsin website 'Bill Scmalfeldt Get’s Fired http://knotmywisconsin.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/68/ ' implies that the deranged cyberstalker had oral sex with Pete Ganze while his wife was recovering from cancer. So the question arises, did the cyber thug catch syphilis from Ganze, the pedophile BrettKimberlin, or one of Kimberlin's known associates? Either way, the deranged cyberstalker seems to have swallowed fluids from toxic gene pools.

  8. I know everyone else is just cavorting, and I certainly understand why the reappearance of the Internet's greatest assclown should evoke merriment. Nevertheless, it is worthwhile to point out how utterly pathetic this is as well. Watching what claims to be human prove itself a feces throwing sub-anthropoid is simultaneously hilarious and pathetic.

    Mr. Hoge was at polite pains to ask his readers to avoid gratuitous mention of BS, and, being generally polite themselves, they did so. BS is no longer a major topic at hogewash. So desperate for attention, however, even negative attention, is our assclown that he decides to prod Krendler, someone who has, quite reasonably, decided that being polite to a slime mold is an exercise in futility. What is not an exercise in futility is being smarter than a slime mold. I foresee hilarity ensuing for weeks, perhaps years.

  9. You should sue him. It'll be funny.

    Especially if you file in your jurisdiction and make him come to you.

    1. There has to be a way to sue for copyright violation and still maintain anonymity. Sue as the "Paul Krendler" or as the anonymous owner of this site. And yes, definitely make him have to come to you to defend. I kind of doubt he will take his chick magnet van and hoveround to defend himself in a foreign state, especially if that state isn't run by socialists.

      1. William has been dealt with without his suffering serious consequences several times now. Perhaps the alternative will be more effective.

      2. Perhaps a bleg is in order. Help PK pay for an attorney to represent him in a court battle to sue the harasser and copyright violator in a court that isn't socialist. I'll donate a Philippine peso.


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