It has been previously reported in this space that a citizen of one of Baltimore’s southwestern suburbs had been wandering the streets at night to escape her smelly and disgusting spouse.

New information has come to light recently which dramatically alters the tenor of that previous reporting. Unnamed sources now tell the Thinking Man’s Zombie that there is a greater, more specific purpose to these dark night excursions.

Apparently, a certain trailer-dwelling, tubed-meat-loving troll had discovered a new and tasty condiment for his favorite snack. Hardly a new trend in America, the unnamed cyberthug discovered an affinity for cheese as well as mayonnaise on his tubed meat.

But, where most folks prefer fresh cheddar or American slices (sometimes a spicy nacho blend), this troll discovered a very special dairy delicacy, rare and especially difficult to procure in the United States.

Sometimes colloquially referred to as the Australian special, this cheese is produced in very small batches in extremely warm, moist, dark conditions. While this cheese is neither native to Australia, nor does it enjoy a special fame there, the cheese is so named because of the common label of that continent as “The Land Down Under.” The actual name of the rare condiment the wandering citizen roams the streets collecting to satisfy her spouse’s most peculiar tubed-meat cravings, is Fromunda Cheese.

The Thinking Man’s Zombie sincerely regrets the error.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie