53 thoughts on “Bill, do you have something you'd like to say?”

  1. Have you seen the Amended Answer and Countercomplaint yet. Please let me know if you've read it. Then, we can have a private conversation if you'd like.

    1. Bill, you do realize your comments sit on my moderation queue until I see fit to approve them, don't you?

      Let me, in keeping with the larger theme of my character, explain it thus:

      "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."

      Now, please don't go running off to court to get a Peace Order. It's just a movie quote chosen to illustrate a point I'm trying to make (that's a phrase you understand, isn't it? Or does it just sound good to you as part of a Fair Use Defense?). It certainly isn't a death threat.

      In context, we both know that I'm the one behind the glass (Hannibal), and you're the one who wants something (Starling). I'm behind glass because you're trying to identify me. You want proof that I sold the rights to that post.

      Likewise, we both know that I am smarter than you by a couple orders of magnitude.

      Take this lesson from the movie: Hannibal despises one thing above all - rudeness.

      If you want to dance around and upset yourself because I see through your transparent little games, I'm not going to help. I'm going to stand by and enjoy it. Because also like Hannibal, all I have is fun!

      Now, if and when you eventually identify me, you will not be happy about it. You may descend briefly to your sweaty-palmed happy place, it's true, but then you'll serve me, and shortly after that, you'll realize that I will have to come to court and defend myself against your charges of libel and defamation and whatever else you come up with.

      This I will do eagerly, vigorously and successfully. It will be a legal ass-whupping of such epic proportions that it will take one of those specialized crime-scene cleaning crews to mop up the aftermath.

      But, until then, if there is something you'd like to ask, DON'T. BE. RUDE.

      Be polite. Be straightforward. Try honey instead of vinegar to catch flies.

  2. Paul, honey, I am certainly not going to litigate or negotiate with you in public. If you want to hear what I have to say, drop me a line. If you do not, I'll meet you soon enough.

    1. As I said, your comments stay private until I release them. If there is something of substance you'd like kept private, say so.

      If it's polite and straightforward, and on point, I will simply edit it to say


      And I will release that as a comment, so anyone reading will know you're being as reasonable as you are capable of being.

      Then I will reply with an answer.

      But don't even bother trying to get into a pissing match with me.

      Review the comments and see what that's netted you so far.

        1. A1: no, I have not.

          A2: I think that is highly unlikely. I have ample reason not to trust you.

          Is there something in particular you'd like me to be aware of, and if so, can you share it here?

  3. And one more thing. I have obligations from tonight through most of the weekend. When I don't respond on your timetable, keep your sadz to yourself.

    1. I'm not in the least bit sad, "Paul." I found in the US Copyright law something YOU don't know and something Hoge DIDN'T know, but knows now. Which is why I am asking if you'd care to have a private discussion, or if you'd rather just proceed along this course. Makes no difference to me. [redacted-neither polite nor on point]

      Do you want to talk about ways you can avoid litigation or not? Entirely up to you.

      1. And if it's what I think you are imagining, you screwed that up as well Cabin Boy. It can be fixed almost literally with a wave of a hand. Assuming you didn't suppose erroneously.

      2. Okay, Bill, I'll bite:

        You think you have some way to avoid litigation? Let's hear it.

        Are you thinking about a WIN-WIN outcome? Or are you just trying to prove to yourself that you are smarter than me, that you can bully me?

        Get this through your head right now: my real name is NOT Charlie Brown, and no matter how sweetly you fake it, if I come running toward a football, that won't be what I kick.

        I hope I haven't been unclear.

        Now. You have a proposal? Polite, straightforward and on point? I'm listening.

    2. Nice to see [redacted-impolite and off point; by certain low standards, a veiled but very mild threat directed toward the most recent victim of this commenter's ongoing campaign of online harassment] back among the commenters.

  4. Interesting how many people are axle-wrapped about not giving anythin away in comments. I think that's probably an excellent idea but I think it ultimately pointless too.
    His biggest problem will be consistency. He can't get through a week with out changing radio station or twitter or blog names and he definitely can't keep his tweets and blog posts straight. How in hell is he going to manage to keep all his legal documenation consistent and coherent? We're in day three of FailSuit14 (blunder till you chunder! TM) the national festival of vexation and he's on like Amended Cross Counter Complaint Nolle Sequitatis Ipse Dixi Chicks Motion #7.

    As for those of us who spectate this magical meltdown I reccomend the wisdom of that time honored legal maxim "Res Ipsa Liquor Store" which translates approximately as "the thing itself drinks" or in layman's language, "Might as well get hammered cuz aint nuthin gonna stop that train wreck".

    1. I see no reason to do anything beyond pointing and laughing, and sharing with a few "legal" people I know so they get a good chuckle too...
      you should've heard them when I showed them the new "fixed" version...


  5. I would like to remind the Oedipal Troll Bill Schmalfeldt about the success of his blog post 'REWARD FOR THE IDENTITY OF PERSON MAKING THREATS.' That worked out really well for you since you still have your laptop. 🙂 Your counterclaims will meet the same fate as that blog post. By the way, I have the HTML for that post and even may repost it since I had so much fun tweeting that post. 🙂 🙂 'Baka Boy'

  6. So where is the tip jar so we can all donate to make sure you have a kick-ass lawyer who'll chew Twinkie up and spit him out all over court??


    1. [redacted-not polite] Hoge doesn't need a lawyer. He needs a legislator to change the law. You obviously did not read the amended complaint.

      1. You're the fellow who claimed directing a tweet at someone wasn't contact. Your ability to comprehend simple concepts has not been established.

  7. [redacted-be polite]Look up 17 USC Sec. 411(a) and tell [redacted-not polite] how it applies in this case. Then, [redacted-you're pressing your luck now] take a look at 17 USC Sec. 204(a) and share [redacted-yes, I recognize a theme, but it's neither polite nor straightforward, and it TAKES AWAY from rather than adding to your comment] how it applies here. And [redacted] look up 3 Copyright Sec. and see how that applies [redacted].

    Bill, it's no secret that we don't like each other. But I don't ban or dox people simply for disagreeing with me like the guy in your mirror does. But I will, and I have, chosen instead to hold you to a far higher standard than I do other commenters. This is my space, and I make the rules. Like I said earlier, all I have is fun. The content I produce entertains me, and attracts page views and comments as well. That's fun.

    You're not fun. Except as an object of parody. But that's my thing. It's not yours.

    Different strokes.

    But the thing is, you have your own space where you can and do work out all your bad feelings and get zero comments and page views from people who only stop by to snicker and screencap your base meanness before you memory hole it again.

    So, bottom line, if you can't live up to a higher standard here, you can easily see how your comments wind up.

    If you really feel the needs to exercise your sphincter muscles, do it somewhere else. I will not permit you even to think about crapping where I live.

    1. I see Bill was on a roll there. It does seem that he's still desperately trying to figure out who you are, so that he can then try to do to you what he tried to do to Patrick Grady.

      He just doesn't want to admit that are ways to stay anonymous to the other side in a dispute and still prove a legal transfer of rights to the court's satisfaction.

    2. Mr. Schmalfeldt,have YOU read "3 Copyright Sec."? Do you even know what it IS, other than a footnote you copied from here?


      1. I'll take your nonresponsive reply to mean "no" on both counts. Thanks for confirming what was already obvious from your remarks above and your amended pleading. Cheers!

      2. I did. I thought this part was amusing:

        Anonymous Works, Pseudonymous Works, and Works Made for
        Hire.—In the case of an anonymous work, a pseudonymous work, or a work
        made for hire, the copyright endures for a term of 95 years from the year of its
        first publication, or a term of 120 years from the year of its creation, whichever
        expires first.

  8. Cometh now Bill to lecture again on how he has found the thing, the ONE THING!!!11!!, that will win the day for him. He has found this ONE THING!!!11!! about a dozen times before. How did that work out? Well, a PO and an extension, and having his good friend and Master Kimby laugh at him in court due to the thumping he was taking from the judge. So far not a great record to hang his hat on. No wonder people are a bit reserved about believing him this time. I see this working about about as well as Res Judicata did. #BabySeal

    1. Bill is the dread suspected Pedo's plaything. The Dread Bomber wanted to try to distract Hoge so he pushed Bill's buttons. You'd think Gail would stop letting Billy play with the freak, but the freak occasionally running their errands is probably the only break the poor lady gets.

      I just hope that The Eater of Presidential Seals hasn't wasted much time helping CBBS with his paperwork. Shouldn't the perjurer have more important things to do?

      1. You are welcome to believe that I had help with the papers. It's not true, but you are welcome to believe any silly thing you care to believe.

  9. He always has been a silver bullet kind of guy.

    "Paul, honey, I am..." Eeeyew! Like I told Rain when he suggested a cuddle, I hope there's enough water in the world.

    1. A woman would use honey in that condescending tone with a man or a woman. A man would normally only use it that way with a woman, never another man. For someone who claims he's straight, Bill does seem to have a lot of gay/homosexual/queer/whatever-the-correct-PC-term-is-this-week tells.

      1. A guy might say that to another guy to emasculate him. It communicates contempt. It means "Watch me call you a girl to your face and you won't do anything about it." Big tipoff that the speaker wants to be a jerk.

      2. I'd say the jerk part of the equation is a given here. But it's a very odd construction even for a jerk. Or maybe I've just been very lucky to have only had to deal with a better (less jerkish?) quality of jerk. And we know that Bill seems to have a fixation on men's genitalia, so I don't think it's too far a leap.

      3. "wants" to be a jerk? Mission Accomplished!

        And we all know TLFKAD is the Grand MAster of the odd construction, and one hell of a lot or creepy and outright outre constructions to boot.

  10. I want to know what happened to the "sister" who was hell bent on leather to avenge the honor of the family

  11. Following epic fail after epic fail after epic fail (ad nauseam) -- tis astonishing to repeatedly witness the off-the-charts hubris CBBS continues to possess.

    The old adage -- "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -- has never been more appropriately applied then when it comes to the behavior of Adjudicated Harasser and Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt.

    "Pulling a Schmalfeldt" will undoubtably seer itself into the World Wide Web vernacular for generations to come.

    Life... He's doing it wrong.

    1. I think someone came up with Schmalfeltian as an adverb. Problem is, this is a complex individual. Does the term mean "possessing meritless confidence" or does it relate to the "habit of phrasing impolite requests as demands." You MUST stop by 2100 hours or face my supreme umbrage.

      I'm sorry to say "pulling a Schmalfeldt" actually seems more scatalogical than you intended. But let's work on this.

  12. TLFKAD has sparked my curiousity in the law and in his revolutionary approach to the legal code.
    Extensive research has revealed an amazing concept embeded in the US laws:
    42 USC Sec. 11(t): taxonomy of genus pachyderms
    26 USC Sec. 3(h): limits and standards for celebratory events
    36 USC Sec. 8(x): sleepwear and nightime special purpose garment manfacture
    Combining these in Schmalfeldtian legal synthesis I discover that elephants party in my pajamas. Well sirrah this is unacceptable and I seek and demand legal recourse to this state of affiars and If I don't get it I shall throw rocks through someone's windows until their dog craps in their bed.

  13. What? Did you get huge discount on Sighs down at the second hand exclamation store? You've been flogging those lately like an 18th century sugar cane planter in Haiti (see? that's how you make a novel and interesting simile without getting all odd, left-field and just plain creeping everyone the hell out).


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