THINGS I REALLY LIKE A LOT IN A TRANSPARENTLY NARCISSISTIC PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE WAY

Let’s start the day on a passive-aggressively positive note with a short list of things that I really, really like a whole lot.

1. I like it when a person who’s had multiple books removed from publication due to blatant copyright violations lectures on copyright law. And Parkinson’s Disease.

2. I like it when a yibble bibble bibble dribbling moron, whose sum total of reward for all his accomplishments is a pauper’s retirement in a single-wide tornado magnet, assumes that he knows every detail of everyone’s life based solely on what he can FIND online, regardless of what may EXIST online. I also like it when such a fool thinks he knows more about anything than the collective Wisdom of Crowds. Or Parkinsons Disease, which I suffer from.

3. I love it when morbidly obese, cowardly ex-government functionaries who have slid by on the path of least resistance their whole miserable lives mock people who make an effort to be a positive force in their communities, instead of just being another helpless calf (who suffers from Parkinson’s Disease – the gait kind) sucking the government tit.

4. I am thrilled when people with lifelong records of consistent achievement mock my provable record of repeated (and repeated, and repeated, and repeated, and repeated – Jesus, where will it end??) online “journalism” failures. And my Parkinson’s Disease, which I know is really just mocking me, but if I say it’s about Parkinson’s it just sounds so much more “VICTIM-Y” doesn’t it?

5. Nothing makes me happier than seeing someone mention any kind of disability or disorder, because it gives me another target to gleefully mock, even though I suffer from Parkinson’s Disease myself – the gait kind, not the tremor kind… Although, when I say “nothing makes me happier,” I guess that really doesn’t include a nice footlong with mayonnaise…

6. The vibrant, thoughtful, creative and stimulating commentary that follows each of my brilliant blog posts. Oh, wait… I forgot – I’m not the Defendant, I’m the Planitiff! And I have Parkinson’s! Have I mentioned that?

7. Oh, and I smile when people who (as far as my meager Google-Fu has been able to determine…HINT, HINT!) have never written anything more successful than a grocery list tell me how to compile a “book” from stolen blog posts or point out to me the many times and the seemingly endless variety of ways I have violated, and continue to violate, both federal copyright law and the most basic rules of journalism. Which I can do because of my debilitating Parkinson’s, which has also made me indigent, which makes my wife sad and lonesome.

8. I love it when I get up in the morning and type a fresh rant about someone who, in my opinion, is responsible for the stress which causes accelerated deterioration of my Parkinson’s – which I suffer from, by the way – always repicking the same idiotic arguments on a line-by-line basis, spouting the same self-serving, subjective mis-interpretation of state and federal law, then complaining that the judge who granted the bogus peace order doesn’t understand what “the Twitter” is, and the Appeals Court is going to overturn it anyway because PARKINSON’S!! (I think I know someone who has that…) and HOGEIST LICKSPITTLE MORONS!!

Where was I? Oh, yeah…

9. I love it when I check my website to raise money to “Help Me Get My Good Name Back From The Wingnuts” and see that balance steadily holding at precisely three-tenths of one percent of the goal. What a great feeling it is to express my right to free speech using sock puppet accounts on Facebook and Twitter, safe in the knowledge that I have such good friends and allies backing me up in times of need, like when my Parkinson’s Disease is especially bad. I did mention that, didn’t i? Of course I did, you dim girl!

And you know what I like best of all, right after sharing a footlong with mayonnaise? And this isn’t ACME LAW or my opinion or anything that came to me in a dream – like when the Bobber visits and we wrassle like when we were boys.

10. I LOVE THE FACT THAT AFTER STUDYING LAW AT HARVARD,YALE AND THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND, I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT THE PARTS OF THE LAW I DON’T LIKE APPLY JUST AS DO THE PARTS OF THE LAW THAT I DO LIKE!

Life is good. But my dick hurts. And why am I wearing hobnail boots?

HONORABLE MENTIONS OF THINGS I REALLY LIKE:

11. Alpo Helper Wednesday

12. The daily invitations to be a guest on Jerry Springer.

13. Having a dog who likes mayonnaise, too.

14. Memories of going horseback riding with Mom. She’d send the Bobber and me for an hour on the trail riding Buttercup and Sugarbear, while she stayed behind in the stable to ride Big Mandingo. He was a big damn horse. And Mom always had a funny walk going back to the car.

15. The first warm day of Spring, when we can really air out the house after being cooped up all winter. At some point, the Lysol just can’t cut it anymore!

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

12 thoughts on “THINGS I REALLY LIKE A LOT IN A TRANSPARENTLY NARCISSISTIC PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE WAY”

  1. Heh. A fisking parody that hits too close to Unca Biwwy's reality.

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  2. I love when he tries to use big words to show he knows stuff, important stuff, stuff a smarty person like him obvioulsy should know. Notice how his citement "substantia nigra and the subthalamic nucleus" are right next to each other on an illustration on the Wikipedia page for the entry "Brain". Yeah that brainy shit is a bitch to look up, sooper genyus.

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  3. He is so very smart. Someone should really ask him if he remembers how much cash he won when he was on Jeopardy!

    I remember how much I won when I was there, being a gibbering moron who's never had a success in his life.

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    1. Whoa, you're not kidding!

      http://www.j-archive.com/showplayer.php?player_id=4444

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