Schmalfeldt Wants To Be ‘Shut Down,’ Not Argued With

Publisher’s note: This is Bill Schmalfeldt’s view. We, at The Thinking Man’s Zombie, enjoy parodying Bill Schmalfeldt by taking his words and twisting them back on his fat, stinky ass. But sometimes, God provides an epic bit of dumbassery that requires little but to change names and visual aids.

I learned this lesson a little too late. Too late for my health, too late for my reputation, just too late. But not too late to pass some advice on to my reader (Gail) and those of you imaginary and or accidental readers who are righteously outraged by the filth smeared on your computer screens by the haters, misogynists, homophobes, anal rape enthusiasts and fools. But enough about me.

What I am about to show you should make you physically ill. I hope.

Bill Schmalfeldt, the slack jawed idiot who said that Lee Stranahan’s daughter died… because Daddy didn’t want her born in a hospital.

(Wait – why does that sentence ring so strangely in your ear? Oh! That’s it – because the 30 year veteran journalist we’re parodying forgot to use a fucking verb in the primary clause of the sentence! Slack jawed idiot…)

Try to hold your gorge down when you look at this.


Bill, who (it’s “whom,” you enormous sack of rotting rat guts) Zombies would stop on the sidewalk to point and laugh at because he doesn’t KNOW anyone with a brain, let alone have one of his own they’d bother to eat, has written a book. He asked his follower to contribute. And JUST LOOK at how they came through!


A bigoted, misogynist, hate-filled, feces-flinging merchant of disease, Bill Schmalfeldt. He got exactly 0.00% of the money he wanted to defend his latest CTRL-C/CTRL-V patchwork against the certain DMCA takedowns that would surely follow publication of his latest poisonous incantations of evil.

Silly Progressives. What weak saplings they are. Bill Schmalfeldt, a drummed-out former minuscule and easily replaced cog in the massive government machinery, probably with a non-existent bank account, the former Temporary Almost Legitimate President-Elect of the National Blogger’s Club, six hundred thirty-seven consecutive times winner of the Free Trial Period Internet Radio Station of the Month, a writer (we-ell…) so skilled the most creative insult he can come up with for his enemies is “lickspittle…”

A monstrously obese, disgusting lard-barrel of a man who likes to whine incessantly about his disease, and I’m not talking about his obvious and multiple mental issues, although I’m fairly sure Bill would violently deny that he feels frequent urges to hurt small animals and to punch his unit into holes where it was never designed to go…

This man who was profiled, and not very factually, by inveterate liar Karoli Kuns at the appropriately named website Crooks and Liars… and BRAGGED about it, collecting high fives from mouth-breathing scumbag drainers, male and female alike?

He runs a little hashtag of his own. It’s called #BSFN. The Bill Schmalfeldt Failure Network. It was created by Depends-A-Bill, and he posts a set of rules for his fellow “free speech lovers”.

1. Get Started! Here is the #BSFN list to follow: All 50 of Bill Schmalfeldt’s Twitter handles and sock puppets.
2. Stuck on 50. If you cannot follow or attract more than 50 followers, do not worry. This is simply Bill Schmalfeldt’s fail-stench wafting over you and infecting your Twitter life. Soon it will take over your real life as well, and you will be sorry you ever heard of him.
3. Responding to Conservative trolls. Just don’t. The fact that you count Bill Schmalfeldt as an ally is ample proof that every last one is ten times smarter than you.
4. Suspension. If your account has been suspended, well, you’re hanging with Bill Schmalfeldt, so you probably deserve it. Shut up and go to back up.
5. Get Help. No, seriously. Get. Help. Bill Schmalfeldt is a friend of yours? You really need to get help.
6. Are you being reported for Spam? Well, it’s probably a righteous beef (and ham) hybrid product in a can, as well as a contemptible thing to do on Twitter. Bill Schmalfeldt, y’know. Shut up, go to back up.

#BSFN is more than just a method for progressive losers to get together on Twitter and share epic tales of butthurt. They also use it as a means of promoting really bad radio stations. If you, a member of #BSFN, post something that a standard intelligence progressive determines is “stupid” – and trust me, that threshold I’d LOW INDEED – they will privately tweet to everyone they know and ask them to tweet to everyone THEY know, and swear on a stack of Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals that YOU, the pro-Schmalfeldtian #BSFN progressive Tweeter, have been inundating them with SPAM. Twitter will not bother to check. They will just suspend you without asking questions. Meanwhile, Twitters who, let’s say, heap upon you an extra super-sized helping of butthurt because you are fool enough to let everybody know the one button to push to really drive you absolutely batshit? They go merrily tweeting on their way.

Progressives are pathetic. We can organize a drum circle. But can we accelerate the eventual and inevitable decline of America into a socialist dystopia? We can write op-eds, but can we maintain the hive-mind mentality of the low information voter who thinks that any Democratic elected official gives a crap about them, especially in the face of mountain upon mountain of contrary evidence? Argue with morons like Bill Schmalfeldt, and they wear their ignorance like a badge of honor.

Here’s a suggestion.

SHUN him. Use his words (because the best way to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt…), throw them back in his face. Complain to Twitter. Complain to Facebook. Tell everyone YOU know to complain to Twitter. Tell them that this person is spreading hateful messages. Tell them you are offended by his profanity. Write letters to the editor at your local newspaper. Call your local government subsidized left wing talk show. Talk about your feeeeelings to get past the screener, then lay it on people like Bill Schmalfeldt. Find out how he makes his money. Who is sponsoring him? Who is paying him to say these things? How is it he can stay home all day and write these horrible, hateful things? is registered through HogeIsMyDaddy. Contact HogeIsMyDaddy. They have links to report abuse. If that doesn’t do the trick, tell HogeIsMyDaddy that you hold them responsible for every word Schmalfeldt writes and every tear shed by every man or woman who haz a sadz because of his words.

Contact “PayPal.”

I did. Write something like this.

“Is it a violation of TOS to use PayPal to raise funds for a copyright violating, misogynistic, homophobic, pro-anal-rape, anti-free speech hate screed? If it is not a violation of your TOS, could you explain why you allow your service to be used to raise money by people such as Bill Schmalfeldt, a self-hating anal rape enthusiast, a filth merchant, a serial harasser, a person who hates women? Is that the kind of customer you want? Because that is what you will be left with after a boycott is organized against you.”

I added the URL of several of Schmalfeldt’s many websites and all his old and new Twitter handles. You do the same.

Or, do nothing. Liberals are GREAT at that. We do “nothing” better than ANYONE! Because that way,the epic, whining butthurt continues and the government entitlement checks we love just keep on ROLLING IN!

I believe the only way to make these ultra-liberal knee jerk radical pains in the ass pay for the crimes committed because of their misguided love for fairness, equality, tolerance, diversity and inclusion is to hit them where they live. To make their ignorance, their lack of common sense, their reliance on feeeeelings COST them something.

Schmalfeldt enjoys being called names. He enjoys being sued. He enjoys the stress of having 367 criminal charges hanging over his head, exacerbating his Parkinson’s disease with stress that is shaving years – YEARS!! – off his life. You throw mud at him, he ignores it. Instead he digs his bigs out of the back of his Depends and rubs it all over his face. He wants you to know just how disgusting he really is, and how far he is willing to go, what depths he will poop to I mean stoop to,, what lies he will tell, all to paint himself as the victim in his own post-Shakespearean tragedy.

And if we let the bloody-knuckled bully get away with calling himself the victim, he wins.

The First Amendment says only that the government can’t tell Bill what to say, what to think, who to pray to. It doesn’t say he gets to have a Twitter account, a Facebook account, a shitty blog, a shitty radio station, to self publish shitty, copyright violating books, or raise money on PayPal. When necessary, we have to use the rule of law. We have to shame those who can still feel shame. Bill Schmalfeldt is not one of these. I believe that if enough people hammer Twitter, Facebook, PayPal, Amazon, CreateSpace, Smashwords, and anyone who does any business whatsoever with Bill Schmalfeldt, they will not want to be associated with the things he says. He will lose his platform. And he can stand on a street corner and yell at people, until the cops take him away to Spring Grove for a long term evaluation.

Engage him to expose his ignorance to others. Talk to him to show that he cannot express a complete sentence. Argue with him to show onlookers the epic deficiencies in his logic.

Take action. Shut him down. For the sake of free speech. Shut down the people who support him so that free speech can flourish. It’s the only thing that will work to restore free speech in America!


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

4 thoughts on “Schmalfeldt Wants To Be ‘Shut Down,’ Not Argued With”

      1. Only in his wildest dreams, could Bill ever afford a house with stairs. I doubt, his enormously fat and worthless ass, could make it up them anyway. Bill, you suck at life.


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