Damn, I Wish I'd Thought of That!

You probably heard about this by now, how a teabagging dipshit conservative blogger named Clayton Thomas Kelly snuck into a nursing home so he could take a quick snapshot of Sen. Thad Cochran’s bedridden wife, suffering from dementia?

I think I may have to relinquish my crown as the World’s Greatest Investigative Reporter. I should have thought of doing this years ago. I’m so disappointed in myself.

Ol’ “Constitutional Clayton” was going to use that picture ass a part of a hit ad for Cochran’s opponent in the upcoming Mississippi Republican Senatorial Primary.

I would have loved to be able to take a picture like that back when I could still stand up. A picture of Sarah Palin in the delivery room, for instance? GOLD MINE, BABY!

Butt I wouldn’t have used it in a hit ad. That’s not my thing. I would just publish the photo along with the home address, phone number, a picture of the house, driving directions, photos of the kids and such. That’s the kind of “news” I report.

I’d also probably, strictly ass a joke, you understand, pen a brilliant satire about how maybe certain people might want to visit that house with tire irons, lead pipes and baseball bats (ha, ha, ha, hilarious, right?) and beat those people and their families (hoo boy! Funny stuff!) or drag them into the streets and toss them in front of speeding trucks (for the epic LULZ!).

Of course, no one would ever take such an incitement SERIOUSLY. Not like that crazy rightwing teabagger radical leftwing crazy Jared Loughner that I wrote about back in my glory days at Technorati.

The good folks of Hogestan like to remark about how evil I am because of the company I keep.

And the vile things I write.

The racism.

The misogynism.

The homoerotic violence fantasies.

The “butt stuff.”

It’s ALWAYS about the BUTT STUFF.

Butt guess who is best buddies with Hoge and his crew?

That’s right! Constitutional Clayton! He also happenis to be a follower of @BomberSues.

And @BomberSues follows him RIGHT BACK! Cuz they’s CHUMS!!! Cuz everybody KNOWS everybody on the Interwebz!!

Guilt by Association, the great single-edged sword!


Just like I know the “Bomber” in “@BomberSues.” He’s my very excellent friend! Sometimes he assks me to assist him with online research from time to time.

Butt that’s OK! That’s FINE! They TALK like real Christians, butt that’s just so the suckers will fork over the dough.

Just like The Lord I serve is Jesus Christ, shitheel.

(That’s on his business card, actually – Jesus Christ, Shitheel.)

And isn’t THAT kinda scary, trespassy, STALKY behavior?

I say “kinda” because, except for this Clayton Kelly fellow, whose politics I despise butt whose methods I would steal in a heartbeat, these rightwing stalkers from Hogestan really have nothing on me!

I’m going to up my game. So up yours.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

2 thoughts on “Damn, I Wish I'd Thought of That!”

  1. Yeah, hope he has good luck with that. LOL. Also wondering if he is so stupid he doesn't realize that telling people not to "contact" him via @mention goes directly against what he argued to the court and what is in his appeal? I find it hard to believe that someone won't screen cap that stuff and present it as evidence that even he doesn't believe the shit he spews.


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